To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

I think that it's great that she's bringing her own veggie meal.
But the preaching would get on my wick.
My sister has a friend (m) who loves to lecture..and regularly gets told to fuck off

That‘s so odd. It was on trending threads yesterday.

@DorothyStorm the barbecue was in July. 🙄

You are inviting your friend over for a meal and preparing food you know she cannot eat. It isn't your friend who is rude.

is your husband a bit of an arsehole generally?

You can't expect a vegan to eat 😂😂sausages. Dont see what the big deal is.....if she starts preaching and making ppl feel uncomfortable though ...well then that's a different matter.

I would have catered for her. Unless she’s a preachy vegan and then I’d not have invited her to begin with.

separately your husband is awful.

I have serious food allergies and always offer to bring my own food. My friends aren’t terrible people however so always consider me and have a menu that works. Maybe everyone here could be kinder and it would be a non issue.

😅

Your DH thinks she’s being rude to not eat the food he provides, when he hasn’t catered for her diet?!

Just to expand a little: what does he want out of this?

A) to feel superior and still "let" her come and eat something that doesn't affect him because his choice is "better" than hers
B) to push you into an awkward conversation where you tell her that either
(1) she can't come anymore
(2) she can't eat at your house
(3) she can come but only if she eats food that he approves of.

So what's his end game? All options equal prick.

It's the same bloody thing as in real life tho'. Non vegans/ non vegetarians are being accused on here of being preachy/dogmatic/spoilsports.

Actual vegans/vegetarians challenging that as a myth and then posters like you going "ah gotcha, you're preaching at us poor put upon meat-eaters"

I'm confused about how you don't realise your husband is a nasty piece of shit.

Same here why is this relevant in the slightest? Some underlying issue here.....?

Your husband sounds like a dreadful horrible man.

Veganism might be protected by the equality act but it doesn't apply to domestic get togethers such as these so not sure why you are quoting the equality act. In fact, not all restaurants cater for vegans or can guarantee no cross contamination. No problem with people being different to myself, but I do have a problem with "preachy" people whether it's those trying to convert people's religions or those who try to convert peoples food choices. It's up to the OP if she wants to cater for her friend, but if she knows the friend is a "preachy" person not sure why she'd invite her in the first instance. I'd say the same about anybody who could attend an event and potentially make guests feel uncomfortable in any respect.

I find it strange that OP couldn't just tell her friend that she'd get a few vegan bits for her friend instead of agreeing to her friend bringing her own food to the bbq. On the other hand it could be that the OP couldn't guarantee no cross contamination or the friend didn't feel confident that OP could provide her with food that hasn't been cross contaminated.

Obviously I am not a mind reader, so I don't really know why OP mentioned about her friend being childless. I don't feel that it'll be fair on OP for us to assume or be judgemental. It could be that OP felt the need to say this to let readers know that the friend isn't bringing her own food to satisfy a child's dietary requirement. Who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I hope all these people who are advocating for the OP to make seperate vegan food and who are fighting for her friend's right under the equality act would also make sure they will make a fully nut free cake and nut free party food which they can guarantee hasn't been cross contaminated, for any of their own invitees with nut allergies. If you have children and have hosted childrens parties , think back , have you ever fully catered for a child with allergies or intolerances? If you have, thrn kudos to you. I have been to many a children's parties, the children with allergies never get catered for. They never get to have a slice of the birthday cake. Off you go with Haribo. The equality act ends where convenience begins.

Unfortunately, as many vegans here attest, it’s usually non vegans who launch into a diatribe, mindlessly buying into stereotypes, demanding explanations for dietary choices, then when you do explain that’s suddenly the vegan being opinionated and mouthing off.

Oh the irony!

So you don't engage with anyone...

HA!

I don’t agree with what boarbrush said but there’s no need to be snobby about the way people talk

😂. Muprhy's Law in action?

I dunno, I have an acquaintance that introduces herself Like "hi, I'm Sophie a straight, vegan cis-woman, she/her pronouns!" 🤷‍♀️

Some people are just very self-absorbed.

Sit down and be quite what?

Oh I dunno, there's some weird vegan people in the world that won't touch food if it's next to animal products. They're want separate grills, not even accepting theirs done first, as there was meat on it last time and the utensils have touched meat or whatever.

We will engage with you when you learn English. Otherwise, sit down and be quite.

I don't beleive a word just pointing out the hypothetical friend is very vocal🤣

Yeah right. And you believe any of this?

And as countless others have said "being vocal" about it usually arises from idiotic challenges and questioning from idiots like the OP's husband.

The Op said her friend was very vocal about being vegan.

This.

If she didn't eat something for religious reasons would your DH think the same?

If she didn't eat something for allergy reasons would your DH think the same?

As a host I'd try to accommodate a friend's needs/wants/ beliefs. If they had a serious nut allergy then no one at the meal would have nuts. Your friend has offered a way round her diet to help you out.

Veganism is various things to different people and to cause deliberate upset isn't the thing most would want to do to friends.

For some it's akin to a belief, for others a health thing, for others eating frugally, not causing CO2, land wastage etc is their motivation, for some not liking the taste/idea of eating meat.

I don't know about your friend, where they sit on the various reasons for veganism.

I've been vegan for 10 years now (after 30 of vegetarianism) Friends accept it and try to accommodate it. Sometimes we'll offer to do a dish or take a pudding/cake. Some are interested - and would like the idea but don't quite want to.

One or two are a bit arsy about milks - they know we are going but don't get anything in. I drink it black without fuss.

Your DH has put you in a bit of a spot with his intransigence.

As I see it it's just good manners. Same as conversation - let's say they've lost their dog - no decent host would bang on about dead dogs. You'd tune any conversations in so as not to cause offence or upset.