Pension

She can gift or not gift it how she feels.

Shes said to her DS I have some money id like to add to your it to your pension. His options are, accept it, decline or maybe say mum tbh if I could put it towards the mortgage that would make a massive difference and see what she says.

I dont really like gifts with strings but shes been clear in advance that shed like to use some money for his pension. And he either wants it for that or he doesnt

If you are married, pensions are a joint asset so he would be sharing yours and you his anyway so you still benefit

Maybe his mum thinks this money is safe in a divorce for just him but actually currently if you divorce your splitting your small pension, so it actually is better for you.

However, yes there are rules about how mu h pension you can do when unemployed and the financial advisor with the best way to do it seems sensible

I’d suggest you both have a sit down and evaluate the money as a lump without stipulations, and optimise that vs your circumstances and the what-ifs of inheritance.

It could be that a lump off your mortgage frees up your future savings (incl into pension), reduces your hours for more work-life balance etc. Or you might want to top up Junior/your ISAa, pension pots (across your shared allowances). Has your DH paid his stamp during his years out of work?

Your MiL sounds very kind and like she wants to do the best thing for your family. Proposing a good alternative option, which shows how it helps you all beat today and in future, would be well received. (I personally wouldn’t go into this detail but it sounds like doing so is important to DH).

Absolutely not. A SAHM mum looks after the children. OP said in her first post that her child still goes to nursery three days a week. With one parent working then even with some free hours she is still paying out for childcare whilst DH is sat at home. Regardless of male or female if the other person has lost a job then they either revert to being a full SAHP or they find whatever job/s they can until they find something more suitable.

If you were a SAHM the MN collective would be saying he should be contributing to a pension for you
Exactly that! When a poster dares to say that MN is biased against men, everyone screams that that's not true. Then comes along a pist such as this one and suddenly the man is a freeloader when posts after posts about sahm make a point that she works as hard as he does, that he should contributes towards her pension and that if she gets inheritance money, she should make sure to protect it, because its her money from her parents.

In your case OP, you have a short marriage still and there seems to be some issues developing. Its totally understandable that this mum wants to protect her own son in case you decided to go tour own way tomorrow.

Him paying towards the mortgage and bills is a totally different matter. If things were the other way around, posters would say that you wouldn't be able to hold your job and income if ut wasn't for your husband taking care of your child and house.

If it is important for you to have more a share of all the duties, then you need to discuss how that would work. He takes on some working hours, you take on more care of your child and home.

I guess MIL is coming upto pension age and realising how important pension and wants to help build something long term and help secure your future

She is giving him a gift for a reason, and not unreasonable for a mother to want their child to be comfortable in later life and giving them the money to spend now would give them an excuse to not go to more effort to find full time work. Additionally I don't think this has anything to do with you. Her gift and you financial and family circumstances are nothing to do with each other.

Your pensions are shared between you, either in retirement together or if you divorce. So if he doesn't have much pension, you'd end up having to subsidise him in retirement as in work life. I'd see it as a good thing that as a couple you have more resources in older age and you can perhaps retire earlier than planned.

However, as pp have said, it's not as simple as putting in a lump sum. You should see a financial advisor/wealth manager. They will explain the most tax efficient ways of receiving this money, including option of paying some off mortgage etc., risk of IHT and so on. Then DH can put that to MIL and ideally the advisor talk her through the best option as well.
IME she will listen to the professional and take on board advice.

Assuming you are in it for the long term you will still benefit from the pension.

Is that right? Surely the amount of bonus tax relief you can earn is limited as they treat it has if you had paid tax on 3,600 even if you haven't, however, you can still pay in as much as you like. Not getting tax relief is not the same as getting a tax bill. If the money is given in a way that doesn't attract inheritance tax I can't see what the issue is.

This isn't what you asked...but if you were working make sure the NI contribution associated with child benefit are transferred to him. It makes a difference to his state pension Income.

Also look to buy in partial and additional years if he has any... It is a relatively cheap way to improve his retirement income.

I also think that if you split up his pension / savings accumulated while you are together are considered a marital asset... As is the house equity and any savings either of you have. It may not be as big a deal financially as they are thinking. Someone with more knowledge please correct me if this isn't right.

Let him put the maximum in, then the rest into the mortgage. When child starts school, put the money saved from nursery into your pension. If he wants a pension , he can get work when child is in school.MIL being kind to him, but you are a team and money should work for the whole family, especially if you are paying for his life

Does she know you have provided so much financially to support your family already? I completely understand your perspective and would want the money to pay off chunk of mortgage to support you all as a family.

I don’t understand why he cannot work in any capacity either.

Yes.

You should be contributing for him.

Isn't this just saving.you the cash?

But if he is just freeloading I guess it's up to you how you deal with this within your relationship.

Yup. I’m guessing your MIL isn’t aware of this.

He can put it in over a few years, up to the amount he is earning. But I do feel some should go towards reducing the mortgage, for 2 reasons.

1. there is no point struggling massively now to save for retirement. And I say that as someone who does prioritise saving for retirement.

2. you have supported him. It does seem fair to take the pressure off you for a bit hy him contributing to family life now.

Can he speak to her and suggest that he puts the max he can to his pension and use the rest to clear down the mortgage. That should allow you to up your pension contributions.

Either way at the end of the day your family is better off. While you acknowledge the benefits of a SAHD you can also see the downside of having the whole of the financial burden on you. Do you see your husband getting a new job in the near future?

No…she would have birthed HIS children, looked after HIS children so that HE could progress in HIS career, then further advised to send him a bill for cooking, cleaning, mental load, life admin….

Just another viewpoint, for some people it was beneficial to draw down money from a private pension at 55 (changing shortly to 57) to pay off any outstanding mortgage and then pay what would have been your mortgage payments back into the pension pot.

I think it would be advisable to see a financial advisor especially considering neither of you knew about the limits on a non-tax payer paying into a pension pot and you probably being a higher rate taxpayer would get more benefit from the money in your pension.

he needs to get off his arse and get a bloody job to start paying his way or take the mo way and just use it for coping with expenses.

I completely agree with you, but ultimately you can’t control his relationship with his mother and if he decides that she needs to know exactly what he’s spent the money on there’s not much you can do.

However I think this is the point to start insisting that he brings in more money. If he isn’t earning any money tutoring then he can’t call himself a tutor, he’s just unemployed and needs to get a job - any job - to contribute to the family. At 3, presumably your DC is now getting some free childcare hours and it’s not long until they’ll be at school so he’s really got no excuse.

There’s nothing wrong with having a SAHP if you can afford it, but if you’re financially struggling then everyone needs to bring in as much money as they reasonably can.

Would you say that about a SAHM?

If you were a SAHM the MN collective would be saying he should be contributing to a pension for you.

Lots of people view their house as a pension pot, buy a family house, pay off mortgage and when you get to retirement age you sell up and buy something smaller/something in a cheaper area.