Making another go of our relationship with an alcoholic

See, lots of alcoholics have great intentions but you can't rely on great intentions.

My DH also has lots of reason why stopping drinking right now isn't a great idea and why his business isn't working out and why it is fine for him to sleep a lot of the day and why his drinking isn't as bad as other "real" alcoholic's drinking and why his health problems have nothing to do with his alcohol use but it amounts to the same thing - he's not a reliable partner or father and it is shit for me and DS.

You did the hard part by breaking up with him once - just stick with it until he has proven over a reasonable length of time (a year) that he can sustain sobriety and maintain a job. Otherwise you're enabling him (like I'm enabling my alcoholic husband)

If he’s not going to AA then nope. Also I don’t like the not so aggressive. He shouldn’t be at all aggressive. You’ll be better without him and your child definitely will.

If he's 'napping' all day, he's drinking every moment you don't physically have eyes on him every day.

Usual things are strangely running out of milk/bread/nappies that he has to go out to get 'for you', spending slightly longer in the toilet (to get the drink out of the cistern/from behind the bath panel), a need to 'tidy things up' in the loft or shed or being in the kitchen (perfect hiding spot is behind the kickboards at the bottom of the units or underneath the oven), getting up a bit earlier than usual or not being able to sleep.

Don't put yourself through all of it again.

Please learn to love and respect yourself so much that you wouldn’t dream of putting up with a man like this.

What on earth does he bring to your life or this relationship?

dump him and don’t take him back

Why the fuck would you even try to "fix" this relationship?

You can't. He's an alcoholic who hasn't even tried to stop drinking. You're ruining both yours and your sons lives by going back.

He tried AA and said it didn’t work for him as it’s group sessions he’s not been drinking everyday like he has before but I just worry that he will go back to that.

He's an alcoholic. He either stops altogether or he's drinking. There's no moderation for alcoholics. Of course he will go back to drinking every day. You are kidding yourself.

Gets some accommodation, a job, sorts himself out and sees his child regularly. That is the best solution. As for person who listed all his ' attributes'. I agree. I don't want my taxes to pay for this🙄

If he was an alcoholic who had stopped drinking, and stayed off the alcohol for a long time, and was actually contributing significantly to your relationship and to being a father, then I might be saying something different. But honestly, it sounds like no good can come from the current situation. It worries me that you describe him as controlling. He doesn't sound like a good man, even aside from the alcoholism. Don't expose your son to this.

No. It is very clear that giving it another go with this man is a terrible, terrible idea. If he were attending AA and had stopped drinking, it would still be quite a bad idea. He's not even trying. Why are you inflicting an aggressive drunk on your child?

My MIL prioritised her alcoholic DH over her children. We are suffering the consequences of this 40 years later. DH has poor mental health and has visited it on his family ever since. Not violence but anxiety, depression, lying in bed all day etc. I won't be visiting that crap on my own children.

Your poor son. Why don’t you get on his side instead of yours and your alcoholic partner’s side and take him away from this shit childhood?

With all his sleeping during the day , I guess he doesn't work either . So an alcoholic , non working , unpredictable loser . Is that a good role model for your son ?

No. U and ur son deserve a calm loving environment. When does he get time to work if he is sleeping a lot in day?

youre doing this for you, not your child. At least be honest about that.

Stop being such an enabling mug op. He's done a right number on you and got you nicely trained.

The nice man lasts as long as the alcoholic never touches another drop and addresses the underlying issues that led to the alcoholism to minimise risk of cross addiction or other manifestations of their damage. No one can possibly know how long that will be. Some it lasts a lifetime. Most, sadly it doesn't, and you end up with many years of falling off the wagon, climbing back on again, new problems emerging, health issues, mental and physical, hope, disappointment and general lack of stability. Its a huge risk and I'd not advise anyone to even consider it unless the person showed 100% commitment (you're nowhere near that, he's still drinking and behaving poorly) and there were no children involved. In your case I'd offer friendship, dating even if you want more, but under no circumstances would I be resuming family life with him.

Honestly he sounds awful. He will not change. Get out whilst you can!