Not Invited On Holiday

I've had similar. It's shitty. Sorry op

It's shit, i would be backing off and see if he comes back to you. That will show alot how he feels about you and your kids.
It's always nearly true, the first family always suffers.

This is very cruel. I think you should tell your father that it felt like an exclusion of you and your son and you worry about your son feeling less important than his cousins in the future and the emotional impact of that on him.

Who is paying? Your dad/step mum for everyone or each family paying their own?

Do you ALL, always go on holidays together?

I can understand the feeling of rejection/disparity if you dad is paying for everyone. For my wedding, DH's mum send us a cheque but said not to cash it- because she couldn't afford it. 2 weeks later, MIL and her husband took SIL, her husband and 3 children to disneyland! The in-laws paid for all 7 of them!

Ask your dad straight out why you weren't invited. It's a shit thing to do and he should be ashamed of himself.

For your father's wife it is a family holiday to her, her (at least) four kids of various ages and her husband.
It sucks that your father didn't invite you and your kids, but going during school holidays would make it £1000s more expensive and very unenjoyable in crowded planes and hotels.

No money on earth could get me to go on a multi generational step family trip, though.

I think some of these responses are harsh. I would be very hurt OP. From personal experience, the second family always seems to get treated more favourably, especially if its the father.
Plan a fantastic trip with your own family, hope you feel better soon x

If I had more siblings I'd be even less likely to invite them all, it'd become a logistical nightmare 😂
It was one of the reasons we didn't invite DB and family last year, 4 more people would've completely changed the accommodation we could have and would've likely split the group between two houses and the relaxed evenings once DS was in bed were some of the best bits

I think where its different though if is there are 3 siblings and two siblings are on the holiday and one isn't invited.

I'm going on holiday later this year
i invited and paid for my son & his partner to join us for one week
it’s an AI abroad

it didn’t enter my head to invite my husbands adult kids and grandkids
they would need to go in the holidays and we are going outside of the school holidays

it would also change the holiday from an adult holiday to a child based holiday and I’m not paying for something I wouldn’t enjoy .

You need to realise that, as adults, you’re no longer a homogenous job lot of children and there will be individual relationships at play. If you want to holiday with your dad and stepmum, suggest and organise it. But don’t bitch about other people doing so if you haven’t tried to do that yourself.

Agree it’s hurtful but maybe you could suggest a separate holiday with them at a different time so you don’t feel like your children are missing out.

Obviously if they decline you know the issue.

Perhaps the two grown up children and their children go on holiday together a lot. This year they invited their mum and step dad. It wouldn't upset me. My own siblings take my parents on holiday all together and it's never occurred to me to feel left out. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks I suppose.

I went on holiday last year with DS,DH my parents and his. We didn't invite my brother and his children. I'm allowed to have a separate relationship with my parents, it doesn't have to be one in all in. My parents have also been away with my brother his partner and children before without us. No one thinks anything of it. Oh and we're full siblings, both parents the same.
It might not have been with the intention to deliberately leave you out or upset you.

I think the way to deal with this is to swallow your understandable disappointment, and say, Oh that sounds lovely. Can we organise a holiday with you next year?

As a child of a first marriage, I get your response (which is totally valid and normal) but it still doesn’t make it a reasonable response. It hurts but it doesn’t sound like they’re trying to exclude you. It just feels that way because maybe you’re a little more attuned to not being a full member of that family (even if you grow up close, it isn’t quite the same and you can almost feel it no matter how welcoming they are).

By going on holiday together, they are underscoring that they are a functional family unit without you which can then challenge how you feel about where you fit in. I know it’s uncomfortable but they have every right to go away together and so you just need to breathe through it and not show it to your kids. You can have your own time with your dad and stepmum later.

Even if "they don't have to invite you on every single family holiday" (debatable), they have handled this terribly, and in a way that's guaranteed to make you feel excluded. They should have told you their plans before they booked it and been clear about the reason ("we've found a villa that only houses x number," "wife arranged a holiday with her kids and I'm going along," "it's much cheaper to fly while x is still at school") and then said "could we make up for it by doing something special with you separately"? Those reasons are still hurtful but if you're going to do something likely to hurt someone's feelings, you should try to handle those feelings gently, rather than as an afterthought. Not nice at all.

How old are all their children and grandchildren? If it’s a term time holiday and you have school aged kids then it’s a no brainer that you couldn’t go.

This is exactly the kind of thing my dad and stepmother did and it really hurt.

The torture of extended family holidays has thankfully ended for us. I understand it’s about the children though. They always loved them!

I would feel hurt but not dwell on it. In hindsight I can’t believe I did them for so many years!

Maybe they have something nice planned for you and your children later. Over a certain amount of people holidays get ridiculous to plan. Why don’t you suggest and plan the next one.

I don't blame you for feeling hurt OP.

Would you have taken your child out of school?

I do think that's an important factor here.

It is hurtful. You’ve had some horrible replies but being left out is never nice however old you are.

That’s what came to my mind also.