Nursery hand over comment. Would you complain?

I DEFINITELY wouldn't complain- they've not said anything wrong- they've been honest & factual about the unacceptable behaviour - all 3yr olds can be utter dicks sometimes! Correcting them has to start early - the nursery would have done it in an age appropriate way. I work in a Primary School & the rudeness & disrespectful I experience in a daily basis is off the charts- I applaud nurseries taking steps to manage that at age 3!

Your “friend” is being ridiculous.

No it isn't in the slightest bit obvious. It's totally vague. Was her child mean to another child/children/teacher? Or is she swearing / using particular 'bad' words in the course of daily play? Or is there something specific triggering the 'unkindness' like not being able to share with the other kids or bossing them about? If the nursery staff can't pinpoint the actual behaviour then what is the point in telling the mother about it afterwards?

I have to have words with a lot of my pupils on a daily basis, I also don’t report every single time I do, partly because I would never get home!
Well quite. It seems ominous that it's been reported to the parent, and especially without a clear explanation of the troubling behaviour. "Having words" (talking to modify their behaviour?) with children should be a normal part of every day life in a nursery. It seems more like self-protection. For example, the nursery worker lost her temper with the child and wants to get in there first with the mother to put her version of events across.

3yrs old can have an attitude, seems like overkill to me. She should be focusing on fixing her 3yrs olds attitude over going for the nursery staff.

Your friend is a dickhead.

Crikey, your mate needs to get a grip. My childminder used to tell me my (then) toddler had 'the devil in his eye' on days when he was being a sod. And she was not wrong.

Precisely - if all the staff get is aggro they won’t bother bringing it to the parents attention. Should work as a team with educators, if you view them as the enemy your child will not thrive and the setting is not right.

Won't they just tell her that her child need to learn how to behave in a mixed setting and here a list of things she can do to help?

I remember a mother at last primary stroming in and mouthing off she was putting them in their place as her child had been told off - the meeting she was told some hard truths banned from school premises and came out very sheepish and contrite. Very good example to go in polite and calm and work up to clam quiet anger if needed based on their reponses to inital contact.

By the time a staff member says that it will be a pattern of behaviour shown by the child, not just one day. They are hoping the parent will work with them at addressing it.

I have a friend who does this shit and her DC is becoming a little nightmare because nobody is able to give DC discipline/consequences/ask DC to play independently for a moment whilst you do something. DC is intense and rude. Nursery staff don’t bother pulling up behaviour anymore. School staff will struggle.
And ultimately DC will struggle the most when hearing no for the first time.

It isn’t gentle parenting. It’s completely cruel to allow a child to think they’re above being told they are to speak to someone without being rude or not learning disappointment or even boredom are a part of every day life. It’s spoiling and deeply unfair on children who are in the future going to be devastated by normal life events.

What did you say to your friend @Evelyynn ?

Of course. There was a post on here a while back, where a child had managed to get out of a nursery room somehow and the staff in that room made the child accountable (I can’t remember the specifics) but making a child accountable for poor safeguarding wasn’t a thing for me!

In this case, the child absolutely needs to learn what’s socially acceptable. If they’ve been mean and had an attitude then they need to realise, it’s not the right thing to do! The staff absolutely did the right thing….i mean 50+ years ago, kids were caned but we can’t speak to them about being mean to another child? Come on!!

It’s also the parents job to make their children accountable.

Surely it’s self explanatory what ‘not using kind words’ means! No? It means they have been unkind, perhaps they were mean to another child. I don’t think we need to know the specifics!! That’s for the OPs friend.

It’s not ominous that the staff had to have words with the child. I have to have words with a lot of my pupils on a daily basis, I also don’t report every single time I do, partly because I would never get home!

Even 3yos should be told not to be rude. They might not get it immediately, but they need to be consistently corrected until they learn manners. Let them get away with it at 3, good luck when they're 13!

I'd ask what words she'd been using.

Your kid has been a gobby little shite all day and we’re sick of them: do your job and straighten them the fuck out or you’ll have issues

😳. child is 3. Child is 3 child is 3

I'm sure they would have elaborated if mum had asked instead of stropped... of course nursery helps children with language and social skills, alongside parents, not for them.

And there lies the problem. If your friend's main issue is the wording and not how the child is behaving then that is the exact reason it is happening. She cannot be told the truth and accept it and deal with it, she has to deflect onto someone else as if they are the problem.

So she wants fluffy language because she cannot deal with the reality that her child isn't behaving well. Child is likely copying her mum and given she has ranted and raved to you about it said child will have heard that and be seeing it as a green light to use those words when in nursery.

Correct response is
“what did she say?”
”I’m so disappointed to hear that, I will speak with her at home and reiterate that that behaviour is not acceptable. Thank you for making me aware.”

"Not using kind words" wtf does that mean? What words did she use?

Isn't it part of the nursery workers job to help children with their language and social skills? Telling the parent they "had to have words" with her, sounds really ominous. I'd want to know exactly what the incident was and how they handled it.

This has made me properly chuckle, knowing the wording the nursery worker will have wanted to use! “Your kid has been a gobby little shite all day and we’re sick of them: do your job and straighten them the fuck out or you’ll have issues.”, is likely closer to the truth.

Can’t believe your mate has complained instead of asking for more info/examples to see if or what needs addressing.

You’d be mortified with the behaviour of your THREE year old?

I’d not be happy with the language of the practitioner either. The child is 3.

Your friend sounds a delight 🙃

Why would you complain? Lord. 😂 I’d simply ask for more information so I could have a word myself when we got home. I know parents like this though. Every awful thing their child does is definitely the fault of another child or the school. Many schools later, there is a clear common denominator. 🙄

What a drama llama. My threenager has a major attitude problem. She needs to be having words with her child about the language they are using!