Nursery hand over comment. Would you complain?

This!!! Primary school teacher here and honestly this is the problem we face. Increasingly some children are coming to school and resist all boundaries because they have none at home.

Is this person actually your friend OP? I wouldn't post something like this about someone I actually liked. You seem to just want confirmation that you're right in thinking she's wrong.

I would embarrassed if someone said this to me, no complaints about the staff my issue would be purely focused on my child and my parenting style. Your friend is being very unreasonable.

Yep. It’s been going on for a while though. I remember moving from a very high achieving grammar school to a deprived local comp about 10 years ago and describing a boy as ‘bone idle’ on parents’ evening. This would have been completely acceptable at the grammar. At the comp? Let’s just say it did not go down well with the mother. I learned very quickly to water down the truth!

The nursery worker probably will just ignore the parents batshit comments. The problem is the internal stuff that comes with it. If it were me I'd have to report to my manager and write my account etc and I'd probably find it all upsetting and stressful. However my colleague would just roll her eyes and laugh and get on with life. I know my manager has a low tolerance for stupid parents and will always back us up so she would have a brief meeting, log the paperwork and tell us to keep doing a good job. I guess my point is, the complaint will achieve absolutely nothing only make the staff think the parent is an idiot.

We have an obligation to always put the child first but let's be honest next time mother raises a concern it will be met with cynicism and sometimes things can be dismissed too easily (boy who cried wolf) and a real issue could fall under the radar. So not only will the complaint achieve nothing it could be damaging for the child long term.

It seems more like self-protection. For example, the nursery worker lost her temper with the child and wants to get in there first with the mother to put her version of events across

What a nice little piece of fiction.

Back in the real world, it's very normal and not at all "ominous" (honestly 🙄) for nursery workers to "have words" with children and then discuss this at handover with the parents. We have no idea whether the nursery worker got chance to expand on the specifics of the incident(s) or whether the mother flounced. We are hearing this third hand from someone who wasn't there, on a forum.

FYI the word "ominous" refers to something that is going to happen, or may happen in the future. It's used to describe the threat of something troubling on the horizon. Not only is it extremely melodramatic, but it's just incorrect to use in the context of this situation with the nursery worker.

Jeez, the friends kid has no hope with a mother like that. Three years can have a terrible attitude, hence the term threenager

‘She does get away with a lot, for example bad behaviour when we went out shopping once, and she was ‘rewarded’ and got to pick a toy to ‘keep her quiet’ and that’s happened quite a few times’

That is terrible parenting and she is doing the child a great disservice as the child be demanding and acting up at nursery, at school, in social situations etc.

She will quickly find herself being ostracised by other children as she won’t be invited to play dates or parties and will be known as being stroppy and difficult.

I wouldn't complain no. I would speak to the child and try and make sure nothing was wrong, and remind them how to behave to staff and other kids. They were telling you she misbehaved and was rude. They couldn't really have said it in a more subtle way I don't think.

It's clear where the child gets her bad attitude from!

I'm sure a PP has already said this, but if I was the manager I would be suggesting your friend finds another nursery.

Im sorry that you keep twisting my words to suit whatever agenda you have.

You have not ‘repeatedly’ explained anything but consistently spun this agenda that you think it’s ominous. I don’t always report this kind of thing, sometimes I do! But when there are multiple instances of it by various children it becomes impossible to speak to all of the parents all of the time! Sorry that bit wasn’t quite as understandable to you! Clearly the OPs friends daughter was out of line and it was out of character, and the nursery felt the need to say something!!

I suggest we leave it there! We aren’t going to agree. So let’s agree to differ, you comments are bordering on calling me stupid!

Nursery workers really do get a raw deal.

They work long hours looking after multiple children all day, have to monitor progress and hit learning targets for each of them, have to remember a million rules and guidelines, clean up shit and vomit, log every meal and nappy change, deal with various incidents that crop up each day, provide a detailed handover for parents. All for minimum wage. And then they have to deal with obnoxious parents who want to haul them over the coals for what they perceive to be a poor choice of wording.

Your friend is a dickhead.

On hand over, the child is obviously present. So using that same terminology while they're in earshot makes total sense.

FFS

I already feel very sorry for the teachers of her child's future school...

I said that it's ominous that it's been reported, and in such a vague way. You said yourself you don't bother to report this kind of thing up to parents. Sorry that you keep misunderstanding me, despite me repeatedly explaining.

Precisely! I’ve never met a 3yo that is a consistent angel either. Quite natural if they’ve been a ‘mare all day to be secretly thinking they’re a gobby little shite 😂. Never understand the people who think being 3 is an excuse for bad behaviour. You don’t have to react poorly to the behaviour but you can firmly and kindly tell them that it’s not acceptable, every single time.

How do you know? Just because the OP hasn’t been specific about what it is, doesn’t mean they don’t know some details.

You are massively overthinking the whole thing. Fundamentally it’s the OPs friends business what happened.

It’s not ‘ominous’ by any stretch of the imagination that staff had to speak to the child. Also, how has having words with the child suddenly veered into the staff member losing their temper? Honestly MN is crazy sometimes!

I suspect the OP knows her friend is batshit and wants to justify her feelings on the matter!

What’s wrong with the word attitude in this scenario?

The child displayed a bad attitude and had to be spoken to.

What description would your friend prefer?!

’Mrs Johnson, little Arabella was a complete cunt today!’

I work in a nursery with 3 yr olds. Of course some kids can have an attitude! It's a polite way of saying your child was a little shit today. An example would be a child who refuses to put on coat or wash hands or whatever and says no, or you can't make me. Or refusing to share or bossing others or telling other kids you don't like them. You could say they were being defiant, obnoxious, difficult, mean, unfriendly, disobedient and many other words but 'having an attitude' kind of covers all. That's probably how I would phrase it too.

The parent complaining about the complaint is being ridiculous. If it was my room and behaviour was bad I think I'd have to just use other words that are harsher. You have an obligation to report issues. Then I'd probably avoid day to day chats and stick to essential information only. The relationship would become tense and negative and ultimately the child loses out.

Your friend is a twat! She should be more concerned with the fact that her 3yr old was acting so inappropriately that the nursery had to speak to her in the first place. They've wrapped it up in polite & factual language when telling her at the end of the day, but basically, that child would have been a rude brat!

People will do anything to avoid addressing an issue with their child’s behaviour.