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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go swimming in the sea whilst the kids are in bed?

462 replies

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:44

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

OP posts:
DancingOctopus · 13/07/2025 09:26

VickyEadieofThigh · 13/07/2025 09:05

I live on the east coast - much higher up than Skegness but I'm very familiar with the latter as we went every year when I was a child.

There are no "think lagoons" there - "think surfing", more like!

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Yes! And you have to walk seemingly miles across the beach to get to the sea.

TheGrimSmile · 13/07/2025 09:09

I'm very relaxed about things but I wouldn't do this. Your gut is telling you it's not OK. Take turns.

VickyEadieofThigh · 13/07/2025 09:05

Mildorado · 12/07/2025 19:54

A waist deep lagoon, 30 secs from the house... I don't think that's Whitstable.
Probably Skegness.

I live on the east coast - much higher up than Skegness but I'm very familiar with the latter as we went every year when I was a child.

There are no "think lagoons" there - "think surfing", more like!

VickyEadieofThigh · 13/07/2025 08:51

vyvyanne · 12/07/2025 19:37

And the sea in whitstable is not that safe, definitely not a lagoon

Even the bloody cottages aren't safe. Stayed in one where you had to climb a ladder to the bedroom and the only toilet was downstairs. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. No wine for me that night, holiday notwithstanding.

Moved the next day to a hotel and got a refund from the cottage. Nowhere on their website did it mention a bloody ladder.

I need to see this listing - can you give a link?!

WolfFoxHare · 13/07/2025 08:48

KickHimInTheCrotch · 13/07/2025 08:41

I'm just saying we all risk assess our choices as parents and people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

What about all the other non "shit" choices we make every day - driving in cars when kids die in car accidents, leaving them at nurseries or child minders when there have been rare but significant harm caused to children in these settings.

I think if the OP is risk assessing her situation and feels it's safe then good for her, enjoy the swim.

Yes, all parents risk assess. But some risk assessments are more stupid than others.

neverbeenskiing · 13/07/2025 08:47

Your pre-schoolers "never wake"? Not even when they're ill, or they have a bad dream? Your very young children should never be in a position where they could potentially wake up in an empty house and not be able to find you. I don't know how anyone could think that was ok.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 13/07/2025 08:41

I'm just saying we all risk assess our choices as parents and people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

What about all the other non "shit" choices we make every day - driving in cars when kids die in car accidents, leaving them at nurseries or child minders when there have been rare but significant harm caused to children in these settings.

I think if the OP is risk assessing her situation and feels it's safe then good for her, enjoy the swim.

WolfFoxHare · 13/07/2025 08:36

KickHimInTheCrotch · 13/07/2025 08:21

How many of you spend your summers evenings sat at in your garden getting pissed while your little cherubs sleep? I would argue that drinking alcohol when you have care of your children is worse than what the OP is suggesting. Being physically near them does not help in an emergency when you're 3 sheets to the wind. Whereas being out of sight-range / earshot for 15 mins but otherwise capable and alert is less risky.

So basically you’re saying ‘There’s more than one way to be a shit parent’?

For what it’s worth, DH and I always made sure one of us was sober and safe to drive when DS was little.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 13/07/2025 08:21

How many of you spend your summers evenings sat at in your garden getting pissed while your little cherubs sleep? I would argue that drinking alcohol when you have care of your children is worse than what the OP is suggesting. Being physically near them does not help in an emergency when you're 3 sheets to the wind. Whereas being out of sight-range / earshot for 15 mins but otherwise capable and alert is less risky.

dampsquib94 · 13/07/2025 08:16

This is maddening. Obviously YABVVVVVU

Wiltingasparagusfern · 13/07/2025 08:15

Genuinely one of the most mental things I have read on Mumsnet from someone who clearly has not watched Catastrophe. My immediate thought was, “what if you both drown?”

Highly unlikely but the fact you’re not thinking these neurotic thoughts does tbh make me question your fitness as a mother. Also two preschoolers who haven’t woken up since they were 1? Did you just leave them to cry until they stopped expecting you to come?

Honestly so much of this screams bad parenting but because it’s behind a middle class guise you are acting as though it doesn’t.

tripleginandtonic · 13/07/2025 07:29

Your ds are pre school. You don't leave them unattended end of. Yabu.

Ladydish · 13/07/2025 06:50

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:44

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

I wild swim and absolutely get why you’d want to do this however I could never even contemplate leaving children of that age alone in the house while I swam.

I remember pottering in my garage (it’s attached to the house)once while DC slept, I popped back in after 10/15 mins to find DC had woken up and was in the lounge utterly heartbroken because they couldn’t find me. I’ve honestly felt guilt ever since. They were 4.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 13/07/2025 05:24

We're just going for tapas. It's like having a restaurant in our back garden 🙄

ConcernedOfClapham · 13/07/2025 05:16

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 20:19

Haha if it helps, they woke A LOT until they were a year or so old. I have earned my good sleepers!

Thank you all the people who engaged and helped me think through the differences between being in the shed/the swimming pool/the impossible lagoon. It was really helpful.

It was supposed to be a romantic swim, yes, hence the not going separately. We used to swim every few days pre kids, but haven't been able to for four years now. I miss it. But never mind.

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You miss it?

then why not have a friend come over to sit with them while you’re in the think lagoon?

maybe the same friend who is anxiously sitting by her phone counting down thirty minutes, ready to spring into action if you don’t send a ‘still alive text’? 🤔

beachcitygirl · 13/07/2025 04:59

Is this real.

HeyWiggle · 13/07/2025 04:11

take it in turns, he swims 15 minutes, then you do, then repeat

Tumblingthrough · 13/07/2025 04:04

YANBU

SnowFrogJelly · 13/07/2025 01:02

YABU I couldn't do that

99bottlesofkombucha · 13/07/2025 00:57

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 19:17

Oh my giddy aunt. Not all houses are identikit you know! Some back onto hills, or were built into hills, or face entirely one way because of the weather, or only have one door. There's a lot of variety.

I am not going to go swimming, don't panic.

But now I've asked the question i am fascinated! What are the actual logical differences between say

  • a swimming pool in the garden
  • a swimming pool just outside the garden but with no fence between
  • a small lake
  • a very calm predictable bit of sea/lagoon (no sharks or dangerous jellyfish)
Assuming all are exactly the same distance from the house and all other things are equal. I'm questioning how we assess risk I guess.

The size and enclosed nature of a swimming pool plus where I am swimming pools MUST be enclosed by a regulation height fence with child safe locks. If they aren’t then I can’t imagine how a parent can do laps or have a door open to outside with a young child in the house ever as they could fall in.
if you’re swimming in the ocean you’re not watching the house. They aren’t compatible activities. Small children could wake up and be distressed or wander out of the house and be drowned before you know they ever came out.

DancingOctopus · 13/07/2025 00:56

Where do you live? It sounds heavenly.
But no, don't do that.
Take it in turns. The sea is wild and unpredictable, no matter how strong a swimmer you are.

MermaidMummy06 · 13/07/2025 00:55

No, yabu.

Also don't take turns. You should never go into the sea, especially in the dark without someone there in case you get into trouble. Where I live there are regular occurrences.of people being lost forever, or pulled from the sea dead because they got a cramp, or caught in a rip.

Bezacious · 13/07/2025 00:53

Two words,..... Madeleine McCann

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 13/07/2025 00:43

@Vainabigail A Lido?
@Mildorado , No, it's a "think lagoon".
@pelargoniums , It's a sex pond.

Where's the laugh emoji when you need it! 🤣🤣

Bowies · 13/07/2025 00:11

Moveoverdarlin · 12/07/2025 20:12

You’ve got two preschoolers and neither have cried in the night in the last two years??? Really though?

Where can I buy some of these non-crying babies??

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Agree that’s really strange, even my older DC sometimes need me in the night (unwell etc)