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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go swimming in the sea whilst the kids are in bed?

462 replies

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:44

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

OP posts:
LouiseK93 · 13/07/2025 19:18

They could start being sick and choke on it. Very unlikely anything bad would occur, but say it did, would you comfortably tell an emergency worker or social worker that you left them alone just to suit yourself?

ScartlettSole · 13/07/2025 19:16

Yeah of course its fine, why not stop for tapas too after your swim? 🙄

mamaandbabas · 13/07/2025 19:14

Of course it's not. If you are not posting this as a joke then my thoughts and fears are with your children and their future parenting.

Chattyham · 13/07/2025 19:10

Is there two of you? Sorry I can’t see where you’ve answered this?
if so then clearly don’t be selfish. You have children. Their safety comes first and if you want a romantic time in the sea then a babysitter SITS IN THE HOUSE.

Blades2 · 13/07/2025 19:10

I mean, you must have had doubts, otherwise why ask.
And because the resounding answer is yes you are being unreasonable, you really don’t need to get so defensive.
you should have just done it, it’s clearly what you wanted to do.

Laura95167 · 13/07/2025 19:07

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 20:19

Haha if it helps, they woke A LOT until they were a year or so old. I have earned my good sleepers!

Thank you all the people who engaged and helped me think through the differences between being in the shed/the swimming pool/the impossible lagoon. It was really helpful.

It was supposed to be a romantic swim, yes, hence the not going separately. We used to swim every few days pre kids, but haven't been able to for four years now. I miss it. But never mind.

Show quote history

Can't they have a sleepover at grandma's for you to have your romantic lagoon/sea swim?

Endorewitch · 13/07/2025 18:44

You are being totally unreasonable. These are very small children. You say they never wake up ,but that doesn't mean they never will.
Take it in turns and stop being so thoughtless.

Lyraloo · 13/07/2025 18:42

I actually know someone who drowned in the sea, she was an excellent swimmer and had done it hundreds of times before but this one day she got caught in an unexpected rip tide! Anything can happen and 30minutes is a long time for small children to be alone! Why risk it?

TiredAH · 13/07/2025 18:42

Won’t be electrics in the house? Like you’re unplugging fridge, washing machine, tv, microwave, night lights…
Children are unpredictable, they get so scared and agitated if they wake up.
Im not one to judge as I most of the times, I got the motherly instict of a quokka…but I think this is gotta be a joke.

Zov · 13/07/2025 18:37

You MUST know YABU @Maezzle FGS. 🙄

'The sea is like a swimming pool.......' said no-one ...... ever

FancyOliveHiker · 13/07/2025 18:36

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:44

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

The McCann left their three very young children on their own whilst being very nearby having dinner, and because of that Madeline disappeared. Also, you had the mother of the very young two set of twins left on their own whilst she popped to the shop, in the meantime a fire started and all four boys died.

Eveninggin · 13/07/2025 18:30

BreakingBroken · 12/07/2025 18:52

I’ve seen that movie, it doesn’t end well.

It wasn't just a movie, it was the news - everyone forgotten Maddie?

mrst3 · 13/07/2025 18:26

Jesus christ this can't be real?? It'll be tapas and drinks next

Vynalbob · 13/07/2025 18:17

YABU it's one of the most obvious polls this year and to be honest if I was a close friend or family member I'd be confused why you'd consider it.

hyggetyggedotorg · 13/07/2025 18:17

Just ask the friend to pop in for 30 mins from the start?

Charmian1957 · 13/07/2025 18:17

Have a child minder, then no problem. But leaving the children on their own while you go & have fun is totally wrong. Or if you have a partner, take it in turns so someone is in the house with your very young children & could also raise the alarm if something happened to you. You come indoors & partner can go into the sea. You have children you must always put their safety first.

Happywifehappylife18 · 13/07/2025 18:14

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:44

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

I’d say take turns. I remember reading a story where a woman went to the shop down the road while her kids were sleeping. When she returned her house was on fire with her kids inside. That’s a worst case scenario but butter safe than sorry!

busymomtoone · 13/07/2025 18:12

You’re completely reasonable to WANT to - there are many things concerning children or life that we may want to do - but generally common sense, kindness, care prevent us acting upon them! Pre school children would have no clue where you’ve gone - and “ never” waking doesn’t preclude someone ringing the doorbell ( I’m guessing you’ve heard of the McCanns?!) ; a fire or frankly anything disturbing them. NSPCC advises children are rarely mature enough to be left alone at all pre 10 let alone for so long. As others have said take it in turns - or are you more concerned about your own safety than your children’s? If you’re so confident that a friend would step in to cover your neglect after half an hour if you drowned/ got in an accident why can’t you ask them to sit as a favour and return the favour another time?

sgtmajormum · 13/07/2025 18:10

I thought you were gonna say your kids were teens, but preschoolers? Just no way.
Totally unreasonable to leave them alone at that age

BreatheAndFocus · 13/07/2025 18:09

Go separately! It doesn’t matter whether it’s a sea, a lagoon or a swimming pool. You shouldn’t leave young children unattended - full stop. What next? Going for a romantic walk around the block because you can always see the roof of your house and ‘fire is the only risk’??

Fire is not the only risk! Your DC could wake and become distressed; wet themselves and all for you; get up and fall; vomit; have a seizure (like a friend’s 4yr old did); touch something they shouldn’t…..the list is endless!

JohnnyLuLus · 13/07/2025 18:04

You're being ridiculous. Take it in turns. You can't go in the sea alone, but you think you're children should stay in the house alone?
Idiotic.

We live near the sea and the search and rescue is called out for swimmers on our local beach several times a year. They are almost always over-confident idiots who think they know the sea.

JohnnysMama · 13/07/2025 18:03

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:44

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

YABU! What happened to Madeleine McCann when her parents left children and went out for dinner. Leaving preschoolers alone in the house with opened windows - like you playing with fire. This is NOT acceptable

DaisyDaisy133 · 13/07/2025 18:01

There was a certain family did exactly this in Portugal. Children left sleeping whilst parents were close by. Not worth the risk.

DoggingDave · 13/07/2025 17:53

MsTamborineMan · 12/07/2025 19:03

You havent clarified if there's 2 adults?

I don't see why you would take the risk with 2 of you, when one could just sit by the back door while the other goes swimming. If your house is so close to the sea, and so visible you could probably still chat anyway

Probably so they can have a quick bonk in the sea! Can't see why else it couldn't be taken in turn.

SHONNYSMUMMY · 13/07/2025 17:51

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:44

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

Maddie is all I'm saying nothing these days is worth any risk.. Aside from that a random house fire.. Burglary anything just NO!