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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go swimming in the sea whilst the kids are in bed?

462 replies

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:44

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 13/07/2025 23:17

Sounds a bit like the thinking Maddie Mccan’s parents went through. Not a chance i’d do it.

Lovehascomeandgone · 13/07/2025 23:15

Kate McCann is that you again? No you can’t leave them!!!!!! Far too young!

Sux2buthen · 13/07/2025 23:00

If you actually felt there was no issue this post wouldn’t exist

luckymumandnowluckygranny · 13/07/2025 22:47

No, sorry, I get why you want to do this, but it is absolutely not worth the risk. You can't say they never wake, they might. What if they suddenly take ill? Toddlers do! Imagine how you would feel. And for what it's worth I wouldn't get in the swimming pool either. Sorry but no.

MoominGang · 13/07/2025 22:41

Do you live in Findhorn?
I'd see it as no different than sitting in the garden while children are asleep and we've done it hundreds of times. I would leave kids to go for a sea swim if it was literally few meters away from house and with a full view of the house.

catlover123456789 · 13/07/2025 22:36

Maddy MCann's parents thought their children would be fine. One was never seen again. No, don't do it.

Crazyworldmum · 13/07/2025 22:36

gattocattivo · 13/07/2025 21:06

@Crazyworldmumwhat on earth is the point of going for a sea swim and leaving the monitor on the beach?!

my point was that it’s not just the distance: we had a very long garden and I often used to pop to the end out of earshot after the babies were in bed. If it was 30 seconds popping something in the compost, I wouldn’t take the monitor. If I wanted to do some gardening/ sit and relax with a book, then I would. And I’d be able to hear the monitor, which you obviously can’t if you’re sea swimming.

We can our monitor connects with my iPhone 🤷🏻‍♀️. I do t think that’s any different to having a shower or being in a pool . You can check your phone easily being in the sea too ?

stillchasingdereksheppard · 13/07/2025 22:33

This would legally be neglect. Of course you can't leave preschool age children in a house without adult supervision. You are frankly mad to even consider it.

It's even worse that your a dual parent family. You could literally take it in turns.

I expect the McCanns thought they were only a few meters from the kids at dinner and had friends checking in on them and now their child is dead and it's 100% their fault as those kids should never have been alone.

Get a friend to watch them or pay a babysitter or take it in turns, or just be at home with your very young children. For christ sakes they are young for such a short space of time there is no need to behave like this.

And before anyone jumps on me, I do know what it's like! I get you need a break! Im single parenting two kids under five and it's relentless and it's bloody shit when I have to choose to get them out of bed of an evening as I've forgotten bread or some other essential or go without the next day but it's never the end of the world and the safety of your children should come first before anything.

Alwaystired23 · 13/07/2025 22:31

I'd be worried they could be ill and you wouldn't know. One of my ds has on a few occasions gone to bed only to wake up not long after vomiting.

DiscoNights · 13/07/2025 22:24

Missingpop · 13/07/2025 22:20

Fucking hell lock them in; I can read the headlines now
PARENTS WENT SWIMMING IN THE SEA AFTER MUMSNET AGREED LOVK THE TODDLERS IN TGE HOUSE BUT SAY THE KIDS FOUND A BOX OF MATCHES…..BOOM DiscoNights just popped a hip out with that bright idea 🤦‍♀️

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Thank you, Lovely.

Holdonforsummer · 13/07/2025 22:24

i also do the Daily Mail test - how would it look in the Daily Mail if something went wrong? Not good!

QueenEthelTheMagnificent · 13/07/2025 22:22

Jesus Christ - I thought I'd heard it all on Mumsnet. How on earth can you think this is even remotely ok to do??? Are you mates with Madeline McCanns parents?

Missingpop · 13/07/2025 22:20

DiscoNights · 12/07/2025 19:00

Personally I think it’s ok if it really is that close to the house and if the house is properly locked. But I’m sure I’m the only one who thinks it’s ok.

Fucking hell lock them in; I can read the headlines now
PARENTS WENT SWIMMING IN THE SEA AFTER MUMSNET AGREED LOVK THE TODDLERS IN TGE HOUSE BUT SAY THE KIDS FOUND A BOX OF MATCHES…..BOOM DiscoNights just popped a hip out with that bright idea 🤦‍♀️

Missingpop · 13/07/2025 22:12

The fact you’re asking proves you know what you’re suggesting is wrong; Just think Madeline McCann

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/07/2025 21:44

Obviously you can’t do this. And there’s no need as there are two of you - you can take turns!

ThatRareHazelTiger · 13/07/2025 21:41

Have you not heard of Madeline Mc Cann!

Missj25 · 13/07/2025 21:37

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:44

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

Of course it’s not ok , Cop on !

August1980 · 13/07/2025 21:15

Op, no. Please don’t do this. Someone could break in and harm your kids never mind the list of things that could go wrong…

WolfFoxHare · 13/07/2025 21:13

ItsameLuigi · 13/07/2025 21:01

To be fair, Madeline's parents still have their other children after their neglect

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I’m not saying Social Services would take the kids away from OP if she went for her romantic swim, leaving her preschoolers asleep in an empty house. Just that they’d probably explain why her actions were stupid and negligent, and maybe send her and her husband in a parent course, perhaps keeping an eye on children by opening a file on the faint and putting them on some sort of plan. Though SS are so overstretched they might just have a quiet word about risk assessment.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/07/2025 21:10

Open water seems Diff to a pool in the garden

tho I go in the spa when dd 8 is asleep but I also have a monitor

tho she is like your dc and never wakes ans always slept well since a baby

prob count on one hand the times she has woken in 8yrs - teething as baby. Ear ache as older

pineapplesundae · 13/07/2025 21:07

Madelyn Khan.

gattocattivo · 13/07/2025 21:06

@Crazyworldmumwhat on earth is the point of going for a sea swim and leaving the monitor on the beach?!

my point was that it’s not just the distance: we had a very long garden and I often used to pop to the end out of earshot after the babies were in bed. If it was 30 seconds popping something in the compost, I wouldn’t take the monitor. If I wanted to do some gardening/ sit and relax with a book, then I would. And I’d be able to hear the monitor, which you obviously can’t if you’re sea swimming.

ItsameLuigi · 13/07/2025 21:01

WolfFoxHare · 12/07/2025 19:21

You really think SS wouldn’t at least have reservations about OP’s parenting if she and her partner left their preschools asleep alone in their property, to go swimming in the sea? Really?

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To be fair, Madeline's parents still have their other children after their neglect

Crazyworldmum · 13/07/2025 20:57

gattocattivo · 13/07/2025 20:48

But presumably if you were going to be in the garage doing something for a while, or gardening, you take the baby monitor with you, no? So you are alerted if a child wakes/ vomits/ falls out of bed?

I used to pop to the end of the garden out of earshot to put stuff in the compost, or pop out to the shed to get something, but if I was planning on sitting out of earshot at the end of the garden for a while then I took the monitor with me.

presumably that’s a main difference between swimming in a pool in your own back garden (where you’d have the monitor on the pool edge) and sea swimming where you can’t monitor your children. Funnily enough the OP hasnt responded to that point

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Op can do the same ? And I should have added 15 meters is much less than the length of my house front to back , I have to walk more to get to my kids bedrooms .
when I visit my parents , we often do a night swim , they live on the first line of the beach , my parents are normally in the house sleeping too but we still take the monitor and leave it on the sand .
I honestly don’t think people realise 15 meters is a very small distance . Those comparing it to Madeline , the restaurant was 120 meters away .

Kneeslikethese · 13/07/2025 20:50

After reading your 'romantic swim' update it's even more of a no.
You definitely wouldn't hear your kids screaming while you were concentrating on your sea lagoon shag.