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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go swimming in the sea whilst the kids are in bed?

462 replies

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:44

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

OP posts:
LemondrizzleShark · 12/07/2025 19:18

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:55

Ah yeah okay. I should have predicted that people would think of sea related dangers 🙈 I can't say more without being too outing but it actually is like a swimming pool really. No sharks, no currents, no boats, etc. Think lagoon!

I take the point that you all think this is dangerous.
But just out of interest, would you do the swimming pool in the garden? Or is that too wild as well?

Depends on the length of your garden honestly! Hot tub or pool on the patio outside your back door, yes. Pool house 20m away, nope.

It’s how far away you are if your child wakes up and comes looking for you - if they aren’t likely to find you, you are too far away. I’d say no to walking over to your stables 50m away, using the home gym/garden office at the far end of a big garden, or anything else where your preschooler wouldn’t be able to easily locate you. Different when it is a twelve year old.

DiscoBeat · 12/07/2025 19:17

Obviously not!!!

Original poster
Maezzle · 12/07/2025 19:17

Oh my giddy aunt. Not all houses are identikit you know! Some back onto hills, or were built into hills, or face entirely one way because of the weather, or only have one door. There's a lot of variety.

I am not going to go swimming, don't panic.

But now I've asked the question i am fascinated! What are the actual logical differences between say

  • a swimming pool in the garden
  • a swimming pool just outside the garden but with no fence between
  • a small lake
  • a very calm predictable bit of sea/lagoon (no sharks or dangerous jellyfish)
Assuming all are exactly the same distance from the house and all other things are equal. I'm questioning how we assess risk I guess.
OP posts:
ilovepixie · 12/07/2025 19:17

Is your daughter called Madeleine?

Whaleandsnail6 · 12/07/2025 19:16

elderlyparentshelp · 12/07/2025 19:10

Do you live in a beach hut? That’s the only way I can see how you’d be so close to the sea with no windows on one side!!

That actually makes sense!

I was trying to imagine this house with windows and doors only on one wall and I just couldnt picture it!

Skybluepinky · 12/07/2025 19:16

Of course you shouldn’t, just act like responsible parents one stay to look after the children and the other go for a swim, then the one that is swimming can come back and the other can swim.

Port1aCastis · 12/07/2025 19:16

Oh C'mon, a house with no back windows adjacent to the sea where Mum and Dad want to frolic and leave their children sounds like an incredible place.
YABVU OP but I think you know that.
So if you and dh go out in the sea and get into difficulties what happens to your kids?

PerfectlyNormalOwlFreeMorning · 12/07/2025 19:16

Fifteen meters, so 50ft, my garden is longer than that, I am regular at the other end whilst kids slept (they are grown now)

I don't know the sea where you are but I do where I live now, and I would do it (and on another thread I am seen as a mollycoddler) I wouldn't have done it at the sea where I grew up- I have complete respect for the sea but different areas have different challenges and it is dangerous to not realise the difference.

Alongthetowpath · 12/07/2025 19:15

No, because what if Dc wake, wonder where you are and then try to come looking for you in the sea themselves?

I would say the existence of a big hazard like the sea right on your doorstep means you absolutely shouldn’t leave your children unattended at home.
That’s why people with swimming pools need fences and pool alarms.

Children can wake up, they can open doors, they can react unpredictably to their parents being missing for half an hour.

At least if you were in a pool in the garden you would presumably hear them, or see them if they came looking for you, but I can’t imagine the same would be true of the sea.

Lostworlds · 12/07/2025 19:14

No, anything could happen whilst you’re away, as much as windows will be open, which is unsafe for a variety of reasons, you will probably fail to hear your children if anything happens.

If there’s another adult then take it in turns, ask someone to come babysit, don’t leave the children home alone.

londongirl12 · 12/07/2025 19:14

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:55

Ah yeah okay. I should have predicted that people would think of sea related dangers 🙈 I can't say more without being too outing but it actually is like a swimming pool really. No sharks, no currents, no boats, etc. Think lagoon!

I take the point that you all think this is dangerous.
But just out of interest, would you do the swimming pool in the garden? Or is that too wild as well?

a pool wouldn’t be 30m from the house though. You’d have the back door open, you’d hear if the kids woke up, or a fire broke out. You wouldn’t in the sea.

Whaleandsnail6 · 12/07/2025 19:14

Somethingsnapped · 12/07/2025 19:09

I'm pretty certain that Madeleine's parents also probably convinced themselves that what they were doing was OK, for this reason, and that reason....

They are preschoolers op, this is not OK. I'm actually concerned you are thinking this is alright. Anyway, how can you possibly be certain they won't wake up? They would be extremely distressed to find themselves alone. I couldn't bear the thought of this.

Edited
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Exactly...I imagine MM's parents had some reservations about leaving the children alone but convinced themselves it would be ok as they were checking, the kids were alseep, wouldn't wake up etc, etc, etc.....and probably 9 times out of 10 it is ok to leave them in these circumstances but we all know how awful that 1 incident happening is.

Its just not worth taking the risk. Children are only young for a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things so its not a big ask to expect an a competent person to be around in the home when they are asleep in bed.

No excuse what so ever to leave preschooler children home alone to go to a tapas bar or go swimming in the sea...

DurinsBane · 12/07/2025 19:14

Dawnb19 · 12/07/2025 19:02

I would see this as neglect and if someone did this they need reporting. Even today I sat outside with a coffee and had my son on the baby camera while he was having a nap. I wouldn't think of going nextdoor or over the road. I don't agree leaving kids unattended.

I don’t think SS or any authorities would have too many concerns about this. Though I wouldn’t personally do it

Bloatstoat · 12/07/2025 19:13

YABU. And I would say that if it was a swimming pool in the garden, and you both went for a swim leaving preschoolers asleep in the house.

MsTamborineMan · 12/07/2025 19:13

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 19:02

Because they are both on the same side of the house. There are no windows on the back of the house either.

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A house with the front and back on the same side?

Is your house only 2D? Just one long wall....how can the front and back be on the same side?

Surroundedbyfools · 12/07/2025 19:13

This is a joke yeah ? Surely u cannot think this is ok to do ?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/07/2025 19:13

elderlyparentshelp · 12/07/2025 19:10

Do you live in a beach hut? That’s the only way I can see how you’d be so close to the sea with no windows on one side!!

Ah but it’s more of a lagoon than a sea now so beach hut is out

christinaks · 12/07/2025 19:11

I mean the question is is it okay to leave my young children in the house unsupervised? No.

elderlyparentshelp · 12/07/2025 19:10

Do you live in a beach hut? That’s the only way I can see how you’d be so close to the sea with no windows on one side!!

m00ngirl · 12/07/2025 19:10

I don’t think it’s a bad idea just because of the swimming , I think it’s a bad idea because you’re leaving very small children unattended who could be crying etc or anything could be going on and you wouldn’t know about it. But so lovely that you have the sea nearby and will be nice for you to enjoy it as a family x

Somethingsnapped · 12/07/2025 19:09

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 19:00

Oh right, my mistake. I didn't realise Madeleine's parents had all the doors in windows of the house in view at all times. I thought they were out of sight.

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I'm pretty certain that Madeleine's parents also probably convinced themselves that what they were doing was OK, for this reason, and that reason....

They are preschoolers op, this is not OK. I'm actually concerned you are thinking this is alright. Anyway, how can you possibly be certain they won't wake up? They would be extremely distressed to find themselves alone. I couldn't bear the thought of this.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/07/2025 19:08

It’s totally unnecessary. How could you guarantee you’d hear the kids crying or the smoke alarm going off from 30 meters away in the water? How can you be certain you’d be able to get back to the house fast enough incase of a fire or intruder? Either your house is unlocked or your keys are available to get lost or stolen. And for what? Just to be self indulgent. It’s a stupid thing to do

Annascaul · 12/07/2025 19:08

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 19:02

Because they are both on the same side of the house. There are no windows on the back of the house either.

Show quote history

The front and back of your house are on the same side...
You realise this defies the laws of physics, right? But then you live beside the sea which isn't actually the sea at all so I suppose it all fits.

vodkaredbullgirl · 12/07/2025 19:08

Diagram needed 😆

WingSlutz · 12/07/2025 19:07

Fucking hell. Madeleine McCann.