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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go swimming in the sea whilst the kids are in bed?

462 replies

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:44

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 12/07/2025 19:34

MsTamborineMan · 12/07/2025 19:04

Does OP live in a greenhouse? A house with no doors and windows on one side?

A greenhouse would be unbearable in this weather. No wonder OP needs to leave their small children alone to swim in a lagoon!

Tapsthemic · 12/07/2025 19:34

I agree that it’s unwise to both swim at the same time, as tempting as it sounds.

Btw OP I’m obsessed with your dreamy home set up - how did you manage to get a lagoon at the bottom of your garden! I’m well jell x

Ivytheterrible2025 · 12/07/2025 19:34

I would be thinking of all the things that could potentially go wrong.

Before I even got to thinking about sharks etc, I would be thinking about my young child waking up with a bad dream, panicking when realising they are alone, falling down the stairs.....the list is endless.

Isittimeformynapyet · 12/07/2025 19:34

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:55

Ah yeah okay. I should have predicted that people would think of sea related dangers 🙈 I can't say more without being too outing but it actually is like a swimming pool really. No sharks, no currents, no boats, etc. Think lagoon!

I take the point that you all think this is dangerous.
But just out of interest, would you do the swimming pool in the garden? Or is that too wild as well?

Please don't tell me to think lagoon. Just tell me it's a lagoon! Or don't, if it's not a lagoon.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/07/2025 19:34

Helen483 · 12/07/2025 19:31

That's completely different. Madeleine's parents left 3 small children alone in a hotel room while they went out for dinner - absolutely unforgivable and irresponsible. If they hadn't been middle-class, wealthy and well-connected the other 2 kids would have been taken into care.

How is it ‘completely’ different? OP could be middle class and have 3 pre schoolers too. Madeleines parents were coming back to check on them every so often, Op wouldn’t be able to see every angle of the house or inside the house or anything like that. It is as dangerous as what madeleines parents did.

yakkity · 12/07/2025 19:34

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 19:02

Because they are both on the same side of the house. There are no windows on the back of the house either.

How are the front and back of your house on the same side of the house? Are you flat people who live in a 2d house?

LemondrizzleShark · 12/07/2025 19:33

JustAnInchident · 12/07/2025 19:28

Close but no cigar, that’s got a back door!

ETA and windows at the back.

Edited

Tada!

My hobby is Rightmove retirement beach house research Grin

MsTamborineMan · 12/07/2025 19:33

LemondrizzleShark · 12/07/2025 19:21

There are some lovely houses right on the beach in Whitstable - link to one. There are probably similar houses in many other seaside towns.

But no OP, I still wouldn’t swim there when your kids are in bed, any more than I would pop to the supermarket.

As someone who's grown up in Whitstable this us exactly the houses I wondered if OP meant 😂But you've got to run up a pebbly beach and over a sea wall get to your DC. And the sea in whitstable is not that safe, definitely not a lagoon.

vyvyanne · 12/07/2025 19:33

So. . . .the littlies are asleep in bed, let's go down and swim in the very calm safe 'lagoon'. You can't hear or see anything when you're swimming but we're not going to be more than half an hour. What could possibly go wrong?

CountryQueen · 12/07/2025 19:33

Helen483 · 12/07/2025 19:31

That's completely different. Madeleine's parents left 3 small children alone in a hotel room while they went out for dinner - absolutely unforgivable and irresponsible. If they hadn't been middle-class, wealthy and well-connected the other 2 kids would have been taken into care.

As opposed to leaving them alone to go for a leisurely swim leaving the windows open?!

CheshireCat1 · 12/07/2025 19:32

You know deep down that it’s totally unacceptable to leave young children unattended, regardless of what you’re doing. If you’ve got a babysitter that can come if they don’t hear from you in 30 minutes just ask them to come and babysit before you leave the house.

BMW6 · 12/07/2025 19:32

I know, you live in a cave cut into sea cliffs.

Well you're going to do it anyway so why would we bother wasting time arguing the toss?

CountryQueen · 12/07/2025 19:32

Intrigued about a house that has nothing at the back and only garden between it and the sea. No promenade, no paths, nothing. It can’t be in the UK anyway because there is no coastline that is completely safe here.

YABU to leave your kids home alone btw, however much you excuse it.

JaneGrint · 12/07/2025 19:32

I’d take it in turns to go swimming rather than leave the preschoolers alone in the house.

Ignoring the sea safety aspects, I’m not at all convinced that you’d be close enough to hear if the children woke and became distressed or started wandering around the house looking for you.
Plus the open window’s a potential safety risk. One of my DC climbed up onto windowsills more than once as a preschooler.

Nikki75 · 12/07/2025 19:31

I wouldn't they are your responsibility always even when sleeping just take it in turns .

Helen483 · 12/07/2025 19:31

cranberryshortcake · 12/07/2025 18:58

I’m assuming you’ve heard of Madeleine?

That's completely different. Madeleine's parents left 3 small children alone in a hotel room while they went out for dinner - absolutely unforgivable and irresponsible. If they hadn't been middle-class, wealthy and well-connected the other 2 kids would have been taken into care.

StrawberrySquash · 12/07/2025 19:30

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 19:17

Oh my giddy aunt. Not all houses are identikit you know! Some back onto hills, or were built into hills, or face entirely one way because of the weather, or only have one door. There's a lot of variety.

I am not going to go swimming, don't panic.

But now I've asked the question i am fascinated! What are the actual logical differences between say

  • a swimming pool in the garden
  • a swimming pool just outside the garden but with no fence between
  • a small lake
  • a very calm predictable bit of sea/lagoon (no sharks or dangerous jellyfish)
Assuming all are exactly the same distance from the house and all other things are equal. I'm questioning how we assess risk I guess.

The answer is a lot of it is vibes. The number of times people here say, 'I wouldn't do x because what if something happened to me while I was away from my child?' and I agree I also wouldn't do the thing but can't help thinking of all the things that can happen to you at home while looking after a child solo.

namechangetheworld · 12/07/2025 19:29

I wouldn't be hugely concerned about kidnapping or drowning, but you can't guarantee the children wouldn't wake, even if they're usually great sleepers. They could have a nightmare, be woken by a loud noise, be sick ... half an hour would feel like years if you're scared and crying for your parents. Awful that you're even considering it to be honest.

Beachtastic · 12/07/2025 19:28

Your house sounds amazing @Maezzle !!!

LemondrizzleShark · 12/07/2025 19:28

londongirl12 · 12/07/2025 19:23

Im now distracted by the ridiculously high prices in whitstable!! 🤣

Those cottages aren’t really representative! They are ridiculously cute and directly on the beach. A normal 3 bedroom terrace house a street or two inland would be about half that.

JustAnInchident · 12/07/2025 19:28

LemondrizzleShark · 12/07/2025 19:21

There are some lovely houses right on the beach in Whitstable - link to one. There are probably similar houses in many other seaside towns.

But no OP, I still wouldn’t swim there when your kids are in bed, any more than I would pop to the supermarket.

Close but no cigar, that’s got a back door!

ETA and windows at the back.

Mildorado · 12/07/2025 19:28

Go for it. Have a swim in the sea. Nothing has ever happened at sea. Or to small children unattended. Enjoy!

blacksheep2014 · 12/07/2025 19:28

Jesus. I panic leaving mine in bed to take the bins out Hmm

Mildorado · 12/07/2025 19:27

londongirl12 · 12/07/2025 19:23

Im now distracted by the ridiculously high prices in whitstable!! 🤣

It's so that you can go swimming at night and leave small children unattended. Premium.😂

BusWankers · 12/07/2025 19:26

MsTamborineMan · 12/07/2025 19:20

Your house has no windows or doors on any other wall other than the one that faces the sea

Logically then there must be a road separating you from the sea? Or does your house not have vehicular access?

I can't imagine a house with just a wall facing the road one side? and all their windows and doors on the other

There's definitely houses that face the sea only.. Ramsgate has these built into cliffs. But there's a road between the houses and the beach.