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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go swimming in the sea whilst the kids are in bed?

462 replies

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:44

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

OP posts:
WhatTheHelll · 12/07/2025 20:00

It’s neglectful.

They could be sick, wake up and hurt themselves. You could hurt yourselves!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/07/2025 19:59

Babyboomtastic · 12/07/2025 19:58

I was thinking lighthouse for a moment, but that doesn't fit with lagoon.

So I'm going with 2d people in a flat house.

I’m thinking it’s the sims

TheDowagerLadyUrsula · 12/07/2025 19:59

Is there a reason that you can’t take it in turns to go (beyond ‘we don’t want to’)?

Babyboomtastic · 12/07/2025 19:58

I was thinking lighthouse for a moment, but that doesn't fit with lagoon.

So I'm going with 2d people in a flat house.

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 12/07/2025 19:57

If you’re so sure it’s fine and are effectively eye-rolling anyone with concerns why even ask?

My answer would be no. Also why the ‘we’? Surely then it’s not necessary to leave the children if another person (parent?) is available.

Mildorado · 12/07/2025 19:56

pelargoniums · 12/07/2025 19:55

Right, I’ve decided the house is built into a hill – I used to live in one like it, though it did look bungalow-like from the road and two-storey from the back, but I can picture if it were a steeper hill you’d get nothing at the “front” road-side, and all doors and windows at the “back”, garden/sea/lagoon-side. There was a path from the front garden down the hill to the back, so I’m content with OP’s vehicular access and that there’s no road between her house and the sea-lagoon – our house had a stream at the bottom of the garden, perhaps 50ft away! Wonder if my parents paddled in it when we were in bed. What was the question?

I think it was about chicken salad.

Babyboomtastic · 12/07/2025 19:55

People are also notorious at estimating distance (and time).

I'm puzzled at the double stairgate for kids that haven't woken in 2 years. Is that because there's a dog in the house with them? Is it because they are prone to escaping? It's it that your front child when they call?

For kids who stay in their beds asleep or wouldn't normally be needed.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/07/2025 19:55

Ohthatsabitshit · 12/07/2025 19:45

I think 15m a quick ten minute swim and 15m back is fine. I used to take my dog out for about the same length of time every evening to the end of our garden.

Is there a risk of drowning in your garden?

Horserider5678 · 12/07/2025 19:55

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 18:44

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

My son’s friend’s house burnt down whilst they were in the garden! Fortunately their young child was with them, fire brigade said if he was in the house, he would have died! So yes you’re being bloody irresponsible anything can happen even in your own home! Does madeleine McCann not ring any bells to you?

pelargoniums · 12/07/2025 19:55

Right, I’ve decided the house is built into a hill – I used to live in one like it, though it did look bungalow-like from the road and two-storey from the back, but I can picture if it were a steeper hill you’d get nothing at the “front” road-side, and all doors and windows at the “back”, garden/sea/lagoon-side. There was a path from the front garden down the hill to the back, so I’m content with OP’s vehicular access and that there’s no road between her house and the sea-lagoon – our house had a stream at the bottom of the garden, perhaps 50ft away! Wonder if my parents paddled in it when we were in bed. What was the question?

CeciliaMars · 12/07/2025 19:54

Don’t go anywhere where you can’t easily see and hear your young children. It’s that simple. Madeleine McCann springs to mind…

Mildorado · 12/07/2025 19:54

A waist deep lagoon, 30 secs from the house... I don't think that's Whitstable.
Probably Skegness.

NotARealWookiie · 12/07/2025 19:53

PerfectlyNormalOwlFreeMorning · 12/07/2025 19:49

They were double the distance away, and couldn't see the apartment, which opened up into the street.

Show quote history

Whereas when you are swimming in the sea you can see through walls?

WolfFoxHare · 12/07/2025 19:52

You’re clearly going to do this anyway, @Maezzle , so knock yourself out. Frankly the idea of my child crying for me for half an hour, confused and scared because they can’t find me, would be enough to put me off, let alone any of the other things that could go wrong. But you do you.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/07/2025 19:52

Maezzle · 12/07/2025 19:47

Thank you, this is kind of what I'm thinking of. The exact questions we use to assess risk.

No, we wouldn't hear if one cries. Neither of them have cried out in the night for two years, but I guess technically this could be the night! They can't get out of a safe area of the house because we have a double height stairgate. So they physically couldn't escape that area, but yes, they could be upset. We have however spent fifteen minutes in the shed before, and we wouldn't hear them from there either. While I wouldn't want them to be upset, it isn't going to kill them and sometimes you just have to get things done. This doesn't apply here though because swimming is not necessity.

It would take around 30 seconds to get into the house from the furthest point we'd swim to (it's not deeper than my waist so I could water-run pretty quick). So if the smoke alarm went off that would be how long it would take. That's my only logical worry to be honest. It's so unlikely, but just what if. What if 30s is too long.

Show quote history

30 seconds to hear the alarm, swim/waddle 15m to shore through the very shallow lagoon and run another 15m to the house, unlock the house and get through the double height stair gate to save both children from a fire. Absolute bullshit.

Mrseasy · 12/07/2025 19:51

Shark attack!! 😆😨

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 12/07/2025 19:51

So you want to go swimming with your husband, leaving your pre-school aged kids alone in the house where you can't hear them should anything happen?

YABU. Obviously.

PerfectlyNormalOwlFreeMorning · 12/07/2025 19:50

Maka21 · 12/07/2025 19:42

Yes sorry was just going to repost meters! (The heat!) but still 30 minutes potentially, no way!

30 minutes?

PerfectlyNormalOwlFreeMorning · 12/07/2025 19:49

NotARealWookiie · 12/07/2025 19:41

Obviously not. This isn’t dissimilar to the McCanns thinking they could go to dinner safely because they could see the building their children were in. You need to be in the house with them or in the garden with a monitor. You don’t leave the property. Just because they have never woken, it doesn’t mean they won’t ever wake. They will.

They were double the distance away, and couldn't see the apartment, which opened up into the street.

chachahide · 12/07/2025 19:49

I’m really relaxed by mumsnet standards and I have left my 7 and 10 year old to pop to the corner shop before, but that did make me nervous! They’re too little, what if they wake up?

JustSawJohnny · 12/07/2025 19:48

Just get a babysitter,

The risk is too big for the pay off.

Kids choke. They fall. They get ill incredibly quickly. Fires start quickly. Burglars watch houses for patterns of when homeowners leave.

On top of that, something could happen to one or both of you while you're out swimming.

I wouldn't be surprised if a neighbour reported you to SS. They would be doing the right thing and SS wouldn't support you in this at all.

Original poster
Maezzle · 12/07/2025 19:48

I'm also very amused by all the guesses as to what my house might look like 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Maezzle · 12/07/2025 19:47

Helen483 · 12/07/2025 19:39

I think it's very difficult for us to comment fairly without actually seeing it. And so, obviously, you will have to make your own assessment of risk.

FWIW, I think swimming in the sea (even only 15m away) is very different from swimming in a pool in the back garden.

Questions to ask yourself are:

  • will I hear if one of them cries
  • what if one of them gets out of bed - would I know
  • how long would it take me to swim to shore and then run to the house in an emergency
  • etc (I'm sure you can think of more in this vein)
Show quote history

Thank you, this is kind of what I'm thinking of. The exact questions we use to assess risk.

No, we wouldn't hear if one cries. Neither of them have cried out in the night for two years, but I guess technically this could be the night! They can't get out of a safe area of the house because we have a double height stairgate. So they physically couldn't escape that area, but yes, they could be upset. We have however spent fifteen minutes in the shed before, and we wouldn't hear them from there either. While I wouldn't want them to be upset, it isn't going to kill them and sometimes you just have to get things done. This doesn't apply here though because swimming is not necessity.

It would take around 30 seconds to get into the house from the furthest point we'd swim to (it's not deeper than my waist so I could water-run pretty quick). So if the smoke alarm went off that would be how long it would take. That's my only logical worry to be honest. It's so unlikely, but just what if. What if 30s is too long.

OP posts:
MyDeftDuck · 12/07/2025 19:47

Since you have to ask then it is not ok……in fact, it is bloody ridiculous, foolhardy idea. One sty in the garden and the other swim……then change over…..sorted

SleepyHollowed84 · 12/07/2025 19:46

There’s no real difference other than - if your child needs you and can walk into your garden, then they can probably access you. If they have to walk 15 metres to the sea, that’s slightly different. Surely you can see that?