AIBU to feel (a little bit) hacked off by being accused of mollycoddling my child!

Your child. Your feelings. Your life. Not hers. You do you & don't feel guilty about it.

Does your friend have children? If it was my children, no matter what time of the night it was, I would collect them! That's what you would do as a parent.

My daughter tells my 13 year old granddaughter "if you feel the ick just phone me and I'll come and get you". Always trust your child!

My son is 13 and if he called me I would absolutely go and pick him up. It's strange to me that people wouldn't? Obviously it depends on the child so I really doubt mine would call to be fair but if he did, it would be an emergency. Only thing is I would definitely ask why exactly before going to collect.

This is THE strangest post I have ever read 🏆

Again, you'll be alright.
I said what I said and I'm standing by it. First off, my children cannot be married to abusive spouses, it's not an option in their realities. Our realities are different, your possibilities are different from mine. Let's get that right.
And again, any child old enough to make marital choices knows how to get out of immediate or imminent danger.
And like I said, I'd be calling their spouse, friends & siblings to get perspectives.

It seems you just want to pick on what is not relevant to the topic. But go ahead and have a great time doing that.

This boy, more than most, well and truly knows that already

He does need to be prepared for a world that won't prioritise his wishes.

Wondering if this is more about how your friend's parents would have treated her than anything else.

Maybe useful emphasising the unpredictability of grief in talking to your friend - your 12 year old can't currently predict how he's going to feel earlier on so you need to be flexible for him. (Notwithstanding you're encouraging your son to call you anyway - this is a concept that might make more sense to your friend and help her activate her sympathy for a child who's lost a parent)

Also worth thinking through with your son potential strategies - how he can identify he wants to leave a sleepover before grown up bedtime / how he could arrange to go just for the evening / a snack he might take with him / whether he'd want to try sleeping over when feeling a bit worried knowing you're ok coming at 3am

One of THE strangest posts I have ever read on mumsnet

Before my kids get married at any age, we will be able to vouch for the character & nature of their spouses, my kids won't be marrying people I cannot trust.

so you adult daughter ring you and asks to come to you urgently because she confided in you that her husband has been beating her

and you’d say “I’ll call you back” and then proceed to ring the spouse to check? Ring her friends to check”

so much weird and disturbing about this

YANBU - you obviously have a great connection with your DS where he can trust you will be there for him. Regardless of his reason, even if it was just that he was hungry, you’re showing him that he can always rely on you. Next time he needs you it may be for something more serious and he’ll feel confident enough to contact you without being asked a million questions around his ‘reason’ for wanting to come home.
Your friend is sharing her opinion - opinions aren’t fact and if she’s a close enough friend to share a bed with you, I’d hope she is a close enough friend to understand your son and parenting style. You’ve done nothing wrong.

This happened to me several times, it seems to be a boy thing, one night my youngest was distraught and walked out of a sleepover at past 10pm, he was 11. Turned out he had been put in a room on his own. You did the right thing.

Quite shocked at some of the nasty responses here. Why do people feel it’s ok to attack someone they don’t know who is still dealing with bereavement?

Some awful comments about a young boy who is still reeling from losing his father. If my son rang me in these circumstances I would have been picking him up too. The comments about him being 12 not 6 rattled me too. Have you ever met a 12 year old boy? I’ve worked with kids this age for years and their emotional needs are HUGE. They need reassurance, patience, cuddles. They are just out of primary school.

OP , you are doing a great job. Don’t doubt your instincts as a mum x

If my child calls I’m there. That’s what parents do. You are not mollycoddling

Hi @WhiteWidowWithAttitude
This is an interesting read as just yesterday my wife and I were talking about what our son will be like when he's a teenager/young adult. We agreed we would want him to always come to us if he is ever in any kind of trouble, or a difficult situation. That that stands even if said situation was his fault (e.g. getting blind drunk) - he will know that he won't get a bollocking from us. That doesn't mean we'd just let him do whatever he likes with no repercussions - of course there are consequences to your actions. But I was a bit of a tearaway as a teen/young adult, and I got myself into many, many dangerous situations. Some of which I wasn't able to get out of. Because if I had called my parents then of course they would have been there, but they would be FURIOUS, and I would be screamed at. So I became afraid of asking my parents for help during those times. I would never, ever want our son to feel like that, so hopefully my wife and I are breaking that cycle.

So in my opinion, you are doing a wonderful job, and your friend is a bit of a dick for challenging you. Especially considering the fact that you are only recently a solo parent, and after a very traumatic event.

I hope what she said doesn't play on your mind too much. Keep reminding yourself of why it is that you decided to pick him up. You sound like a wonderful parent! ♥️

OP I think you did the right thing and I would have done the same i have 3 daughters 9, 13 and 14
they all know that if at anytime they feel I comfortable and need to come home they call me and I will be there. I have my phone on silent every night unless one of them are away from home.

so far my 13 year old was sick and had to be picked up from a dance sleep over but that was for a reason.

my 14 year old called me and asked to come home I went and got her straight away in the middle of the night. She couldn’t tell me why she just said she felt strange and not comfortable there.
she hadn’t stayed at this friends house before.
i do always encourage them to trust their gut.

if they made a habit off it then I’d be rethinking things but it rarely happens so when it does I will drop everything to get them.

if they can’t trust that their mum will be there for them then who can they trust ?

I am glad your son has you when he needs you and I am very sorry for your loss.

I’d have done the same as you OP. I think your friend has overstepped a boundary criticising you about this. Good for her if she’d have left her boy at the sleepover but what you do is your affair, I’d rather be the son who is comfortable ringing his mum and knowing she’ll respond with kindness and empathy than the one whose mum would have told him to ‘Toughen up’ or not answered the call.

I would never prioritize my own comfort over my child’s discomfort no matter their reason. He’s 12 not 21, but even he was 21 , I would still go for him. This is what family is about!

What did we do before……

is an expression I am determined to never spout at younger generations

What did a child do before mobile phones? Lay there and wait for sun up, that's what I did back in the day and was a grump all Sunday from lack of sleep. Part of growing up.

Exactly

You'll be fine.
Before my kids get married at any age, we will be able to vouch for the character & nature of their spouses, my kids won't be marrying people I cannot trust.

Aside been a mom, I'm a wife myself and even though it is not a possibility, but if my spouse calls his parent to go home out of the blues, his parents would reach out to me first to ask what's happening, they won't just come and whisk him away or bid him to come. Why? Because they trust me and what we share.
So my kids cannot be married, say they want to get home suddenly (we are not talking courtesy visits) and I'll not get other perspectives before saying yes, I will do that and I'm not ashamed of it.
Any child old enough to make marital choices knows what to do when in immediate danger, they know how to save their lives first.

If they're married, I'll ask them questions, ask their spouses questions, ask their siblings & friends questions to get as much perspectives as possible before getting them home.

so you won’t take your adult child at their word? But rather ask around to… what?

Would do the sMe ,no one's place to comment