AIBU to feel (a little bit) hacked off by being accused of mollycoddling my child!

Mine rang when they needed to and grew up to be strong independent individuals, with empathy for others, and knowing we love them

It’s absolutely great that your child knows that no matter what you will be there to get them.

I'm so glad you retired. You must have been a terrible therapist.

I think you mollycoddled your child but she was wrong to lecture you about it.

Again I tend not to read replies so I can give a subjective view.

This situation for me would depend on the age of the child. At 12 years old I would be inclined to help him understand I was in my bed & to wait until the morning. If he was hysterical of course I would go out of my way to collect him then consider how to cope with his reaction to a night away from home.

YANBU. At all.

Is there? What exactly?

I've not read all the comments you've made but ive seen enough.

I wholeheartedly agree with the decision you made. I have the same deal with my kiddo. You want to come home, ring me. Whether it's at a sleepover at 12 or when you've been on the town when he's older and he can't get home cos things have happened out of his control. I always say I may be mad but I will never stop loving you so never be afraid to ring me. We also have a secret code for if he is invited to a sleepover and he doesn't want to go but doesn't want to upset his friend by saying no. Where I am the bad guy to the friend but my son's hero. DS is 12 and autistic so hates upsetting people. It works for us and I will keep doing it well into adulthood. He never stops being my kid, even when he's grown up. I will always show up for him.

I don't understand some of these responses at all. On a recent sleepover thread, most of the posters seemed to be dead set against them because of the danger of abuse etc. This one seems to be the polar opposite and if you're not insisting your dc stay at a sleepover even when they've asked to come home it's now mollycoddling. Utterly bizarre.
OP YANBAAU. I'd do exactly the same. And I'd do it at any age!

No, people do not choose to be in abusive relationships, but not every relationship can turn into an abusive one as well, no. Both are truths.

I know you believe your kids can get into abusive relationships or a sweet relationship/marriage suddenly turn sour, that's your belief system, that's your reality and that's okay.

What I know is what I believe and that's okay too.

And i talked about my children, not yours, you shouldn't be disturbed and try to shift the focus from the OP. She asked for our opinions, I didn't ask.

I have told my DC that if they every really really want or need to come home they can, no matter how old they are AND if its feasible we will come and get them.
They are not homesick generally, happy to go all over the place but they know that they can always come home if needed

Even if my child was 17 and uncomfortable and wanted me to come get them, I would. I don't think age matters. I always want my kids to know if they need help, it's available. In this case he probably just felt homesick, but a kid wouldn't always tell you by text exactly what was wrong or making them uncomfortable, so I would always just take them at their word if they said they needed out. For context, I'm a Psychologist and I hear so many stories where terrible things have happened I'm childhood that the kid couldn't communicate or which weren't taken seriously, so I'll always err on the side of caution. I was also an anxious kid who was bullied mercilessly and would have needed out of a sleepover for sure.

You did read that he lost his father last year?

YADNBU. I’ve done this, when my dd (11) called late at night. I collected her around midnight.
She couldn’t put her finger on what it was that made her feel so uneasy, but as a child who has done many sleepovers since around 7yo, I wanted her to know that her feelings were valid, and that I took her seriously & will collect her when it’s needed. I don’t care about distance, or what time it is, if my kids need me I’ll be there.
OP you did exactly the right thing. Your friend doesn’t know what she’s talking about!

Hmm. I think there's a line between (1) being 100% there for your children, them know they can depend on you and reach out to you for help, and (2) helping them learn how to manage difficult situations, learn resilience and challenge themselves.

I think I would have had a chat with him, encouraged him to think about how to tackle some of the things he was finding difficult and stay over. If he's not in immediate danger or risk, it's just a situation he finds challenging, and children need to learn how to handle those appropriately.

I agree wholeheartedly.
I'm all for encouraging kids to do stuff outside of their comfort zone but deciding that they don't want to sleep over at a friend's across the street isn't one of them.
My kids, both adults now have always known if they feel like they need me, I'm there. In whatever capacity.

Some of the responses on here are INSANE. Even if you don't agree OP should have gone, why are some people being so vicious, making unhinged assumptions and accusations? Lots of very troubled individuals on this forum.

OP you sound like a lovely mother, friend and all round human. Sorry for your loss and thank you for doing the work you do x

@tenderbee is best ignored. Sounds very very peculiar

I hate people that have a problem with parents putting their children first. You did nothing wrong i would have absolutely done the same thing. I don't drive so unless my child's sleepover is in walking distance of where I live, she simply doesn't go incase im needed to get her in the middle of the night. No one should ever let their child be in a place or position they don't want to be in.

I think you were smart. This is the age where some kids start doing things he might not want to dosex, drugs, alcohol, "pranks" that are dangerousbut it's also really hard at that age to say no and be mocked. So letting him text you to get him allows him to tell his friends that his mum wants him home with some fabricated excuse, and so save face and still get out. Perhaps that's just what his best friend did. Makes me wonder.
I told my kids they could text anytime to be picked up and I would go, no questions asked.

If my child is uncomfortable, especially in someone else's house, especially over night, especially at the age of 12, I'm not going to wait and see if they can articulate their reasons to my satisfaction or teach them to ignore their instincts.

Far too risky (short-term and long-term).

I appreciate that other people have different views but I would be seriously unimpressed at being harangued about my way of doing things by a friend, especially while she was a guest in my house, and would make that pretty clear.

I’d be picking up immediately, it’s absolutely none of your friends business! But I also mollycoddle my 2YO and I don’t give a crap what anyone thinks!

What the f*?!
NOBODY chooses to be married to an abuser. "It's not an option in their realities"...Every single relationship in the world could turn into an abusive one. What on earth are you on about?