AIBU to feel (a little bit) hacked off by being accused of mollycoddling my child!

I’m with the friend. Wouldn’t have said anything but would have thought you were over indulgent and he was being wet.

I can see both sides. It's not nice to get a text to ask if you can go pick them up as if you can't you would just worry.

for me though, if I was in that exact situation, my response would have had to be "I'm sorry I can't, I've had a drink".

no way would have I got in a car, after a drink and while exhausted, and driven to pick him up because he was a little homesick and hungry.

I would also worry that given his age, he's opened himself up to a world of teasing from his peers.

Don't berate me for not reading the full thread, when you haven't read my next comment. Yes agreed a young lad who has just lost his dad, would bound to feel unsettled. Losing someone at that age is awful, I didn't have all the information when I wrote my response. A bereaved son who wants to come home, changes the dynamic immensely.

He’s just lost his father
you have just lost your husband

and you’re very close friend behaves like this?

OP, get. New. Friends

I don't think you should have left your friends and gone out for that. Your kid should have just gone to sleep. People need to learn a bit of resilience and that would have been a good opportunity as it wasn't exactly a terrible situation he was in, was it?

I’ve gave done the same. My daughter went on one at a similar age and got really homesick. After that I said no more and that if she did she’d have to commit to staying there .

OP I'd have done exactly the same. 12 is hardly an adult, it was a short drive away and you were home.

Since your update I completely get why you would've rushed to get him. So would I.

But before that however, I would’ve said you were babying him and agree with your friend. He could’ve been told to just get on with it as there was no real issue. At 12 he can’t just give up when situations don’t suit him. And it’ll teach him to eat when he gets the opportunity rather than leaving it.

Don’t be hard on your friend. She was half asleep. And she was half right.

@WhiteWidowWithAttitude
I'd have done exactly the same as you. Always told my children that if they needed me, I'd be there, no matter what. They're adults now - but I'd be in the car and on my way in a heartbeat if they needed me. If you had said 'No' to your child on this occasion, he might not trust you to say 'yes' on future occasions.

I’ve picked up mine early from sleepovers. They weren’t mollycoddled, just aware that they had choices. They are 29 now and fine.

I think you were right to go. If my child called, at any age and at any time in the night, I would go and get them. No reason required. X

Ffs...the OP has said several times everyone was still up and awake. The host parents were sympathetic to his feelings and had no issue with his leaving.
It appears he has just lost his dad cut him some slack.

I just saw the added information about the child having recently lost his father. That does put a different construction on things. I would certainly be extra attentive to a bereaved child. I still think that encouraging independence is essential, but a young boy who is grieving for his father needs careful handling. He may actually have been feeling anxious about you even though he didn't say that. Being away from you for the night could have made him suddenly fear that he would lose you too, an irrational feeling but an entirely understandable one under the circumstances.

Absolutely…. Your his mum nd he needed you…he’s 12 not 22 !!

A lot of people said the OP WNBU prior to that, so not for everyone.

I always discussed times away from home in advance with my children.

One was desperate to go to PGL quite young (10 or 11 I think). I told him that if I paid he had to stay two nights. After that, if he didn’t like it, I would come and get him.

I am not sure he had a great time, but I kept offering to pick him up (after the 2nd night) and he kept staying no, so he got through the whole week.

He loved telling all the stories of what happened there and it built huge resilience in him. He learnt that, regardless of whether it was his type of place or people, he had the strength to cope.

Sometimes you have to be a parent which means thinking what is better for a child long term, rather than just pandering to what they want in the moment.

As to whether I would venture this opinion to a friend; I probably wouldn’t! Their child, their call. But I guess it does depend on the friendship.

Well that’s a massive drip feed. Of course a bereaved child changes the situation.

I would have told her to mind her own business and keep her opinions to herself.

I think there is some middle ground. I wouldn't have immediately gone to collect him as soon as he rang. I would have asked him why he wanted to come home. After he explained his reasons re: not liking the food on offer and his friend leaving, I would have tried to talk him through his concerns and give him some ideas about how to handle the situation. Obviously, it wouldn't be a long drawn out conversation, just a few minutes of chatting. If he was adamant that he wanted to come home after that, then I would have gone to retrieve him.

I also think your friend should have kept her beak out since it's really none of her business. But do you think she has a point? Are you a bit of a helicopter parent? Children need freedom and independence (far more than most children receive these days, alas). Those things help build confidence and self-esteem. If their parents are overly protective and limit opportunities for independence, children can grow up anxious about the world around them and uncertain how to cope.

I didn’t connect your username to a real life event.

I’d say that actually your child needs a bit of mollycoddling right now, so I’ve changed my opinion - I don’t agree with her at all and think she’s a twat for being so unkind about a recently bereaved child, and about you too, as her recently bereaved friend.

I had my 4 year old DGS overnight recently. At one point he said that he missed mummy. It didn't even occur to me to immediately run him home. I just reassured him etc and he got over the moment and was fine. If he had got seriously upset it would of course have been different.

If I had been your friend OP I would probably have been internally rolling my eyes, but I would never have said anything - not my child, not my business.

Your friend is weird and it’s none of her business. I tell my child I will always pick you up, no questions asked no matter what age. If I was you I would look at it from another perspective, you have such a great relationship with your child they feel comfortable to ask you to collect them in the middle of the night rather than tell them off or no.

Goodness some of these replies.

I would have also collected my child, even if they were older then 12. They need me I’m there, end off.

And, given my username, this isn’t probably a huge drip feed, but I’m fairly recently widowed,

It's a massive drip feed actually.