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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel (a little bit) hacked off by being accused of mollycoddling my child!

517 replies

WhiteWidowWithAttitude · 12/07/2025 15:51

My youngest DC (of four) 12yo, went on a sleepover. He has only been on a couple, which he has enjoyed but has said the next day that he was homesick and missed me and his siblings. Just for some context, his friend’s house is in the same suburb, maybe 5 streets away, approx a 3-4 minute drive.

On the night he was away, I had a few of my girlfriends over for cocktails and food, a couple of whom were staying overnight with me. We had all worked a really long week, so by 11pm, were pretty much in bed and half asleep. I had only had a glass of wine, as was knackered, and we had plans for the morning.

Just before midnight I got a text from 12yo saying “mum, is there any chance you can come and get me please, I want to come home”. I replied that I’d be there in 10 minutes and got up and started putting my boots and coat on to go and grab him. My girlfriend who was sleeping in my bed with me stirred when I was getting ready (in the dark - I didn’t turn on the light or anything), and asked me what I was doing. I replied that X had messaged me to come home and I was just popping out to get him. She then asked “what’s wrong with X, why does he want to come home at this time?” I just said “not sure, im sure I’ll find out soon enough”, and left.

Turned out when I picked up X, it was just a combination of things - his best friend at the sleepover had gone home last minute when their mum had got a message re an unexpected sporting event early in the morning. X was also hungry as hadn’t really liked what was for dinner so hadn’t eaten much, and he was also just homesick.

We were home in 10 minutes, I made him a sandwich, gave him a cuddle, and he was in bed asleep in no time, at which point I crept back into my bed, and slept too. My friend didn’t stir when I got back.

The next morning, when everyone was up, ready, drinking coffee and getting ready for the day, my girlfriend accused me of mollycoddling my child, said I should have either asked him what was wrong and why he wanted to come home, and said that his reasons weren’t a big deal and he could just have waited until the morning, or just have ignored his text and “he’d have fallen asleep and been fine”. I just said that if one of my kids want to come home, then I’m going to get them if I can.

She continued that I was mollycoddling and babying him. My children range in age from 12-21, and I told her that if any of them tell me they want/need to come home, then I trust that they have their reasons and will facilitate it if at all possible. She is adamant that I’m not doing them any favours and should “let them get on with it unless it’s an emergency”.

I know her opinion doesn’t mean I should change how I respond to my children’s needs, and I haven’t and wouldn’t let it affect our friendship, but it has made me feel a bit annoyed by her judgement of my parenting.

Sorry for the essay, but I didn’t want to be slammed for the Mumsnet crime of drip feeding so tried to include everything.

I suppose my question is, was I being unreasonable for how I acted, is this what others would do in the same or similar situation?

OP posts:
PerfectlyNormalOwlFreeMorning · 12/07/2025 19:00

I had been out drinking when I got the same message - similar age, I ordered a taxi and went and got him. I've been out as an adult and sometimes wanted to come home- I have the means to do so myself, my son needed help to do so.

There is nothing wrong with showing your children that you are there for them, I was criticised a lot at the time, for this and other things, but he has grown into an emotionally stable confident young man.

PopeJoan2 · 12/07/2025 18:52

He was hungry and was uncomfortable. Of course he did the right thing by calling you and you were right to pick him up. The mollycoddling thing would fall on deaf ears if it was me.

Sminty2 · 12/07/2025 18:50

I would (and often did) fetch my children if they were unhappy. Neither of them were mollycoddled and grew up feeling secure, loved and valued. They are brilliant, adventurous (claimed Kilimanjaro, hitch hiked through Asia etc), well adjusted humans. Children need to feel secure and I did whatever it took for them to feel that way.

When my husband (and their father died) we dealt with it together, we are still very much a family.

You sound like a wonderful, kind and considerate mum. Keep being you.

Lindy2 · 12/07/2025 18:48

I'd have collected him just like you did. I have done the same for one of my children.

If my children aren't comfortable somewhere, for whatever reasons, then they know they can contact me.

No one needs to tough out a sleepover 5 minutes drive away from home.

Itwasallyellow2 · 12/07/2025 18:46

I don’t think you are actually querying the judgement you made. I think you don’t like being ‘criticised’…it has really hit a nerve.

Wadadli · 12/07/2025 18:41

WhiteWidowWithAttitude · 12/07/2025 15:51

My youngest DC (of four) 12yo, went on a sleepover. He has only been on a couple, which he has enjoyed but has said the next day that he was homesick and missed me and his siblings. Just for some context, his friend’s house is in the same suburb, maybe 5 streets away, approx a 3-4 minute drive.

On the night he was away, I had a few of my girlfriends over for cocktails and food, a couple of whom were staying overnight with me. We had all worked a really long week, so by 11pm, were pretty much in bed and half asleep. I had only had a glass of wine, as was knackered, and we had plans for the morning.

Just before midnight I got a text from 12yo saying “mum, is there any chance you can come and get me please, I want to come home”. I replied that I’d be there in 10 minutes and got up and started putting my boots and coat on to go and grab him. My girlfriend who was sleeping in my bed with me stirred when I was getting ready (in the dark - I didn’t turn on the light or anything), and asked me what I was doing. I replied that X had messaged me to come home and I was just popping out to get him. She then asked “what’s wrong with X, why does he want to come home at this time?” I just said “not sure, im sure I’ll find out soon enough”, and left.

Turned out when I picked up X, it was just a combination of things - his best friend at the sleepover had gone home last minute when their mum had got a message re an unexpected sporting event early in the morning. X was also hungry as hadn’t really liked what was for dinner so hadn’t eaten much, and he was also just homesick.

We were home in 10 minutes, I made him a sandwich, gave him a cuddle, and he was in bed asleep in no time, at which point I crept back into my bed, and slept too. My friend didn’t stir when I got back.

The next morning, when everyone was up, ready, drinking coffee and getting ready for the day, my girlfriend accused me of mollycoddling my child, said I should have either asked him what was wrong and why he wanted to come home, and said that his reasons weren’t a big deal and he could just have waited until the morning, or just have ignored his text and “he’d have fallen asleep and been fine”. I just said that if one of my kids want to come home, then I’m going to get them if I can.

She continued that I was mollycoddling and babying him. My children range in age from 12-21, and I told her that if any of them tell me they want/need to come home, then I trust that they have their reasons and will facilitate it if at all possible. She is adamant that I’m not doing them any favours and should “let them get on with it unless it’s an emergency”.

I know her opinion doesn’t mean I should change how I respond to my children’s needs, and I haven’t and wouldn’t let it affect our friendship, but it has made me feel a bit annoyed by her judgement of my parenting.

Sorry for the essay, but I didn’t want to be slammed for the Mumsnet crime of drip feeding so tried to include everything.

I suppose my question is, was I being unreasonable for how I acted, is this what others would do in the same or similar situation?

Cheeky cow. You did what was best for your son. I’d have told her to mind her own business there and then (I gave up holding back 18 months ago and it’s incredibly liberating 🤣 and yes, I do have great friends, in case anyone’s wondering 🤣🤣🤣)

Once you’ve calmed down a bit perhaps you could phone her to clear the air.

I’m sorry your “friend” upset you 💐

Betty91 · 12/07/2025 18:40

Merciboc · 12/07/2025 18:10

He’s just lost his father
you have just lost your husband

and you’re very close friend behaves like this?

OP, get. New. Friends

Edited

This. You've more going on than a kid wanting to bail on a sleep over & the friend knew this. YANBU

godmum56 · 12/07/2025 18:39

yanbu and your friend isn't a friend.

DottieMoon · 12/07/2025 18:38

YANBU, she should fuck off with her comments and mind her own business

RobEmily · 12/07/2025 18:37

I haven’t read to the end of the messages - but I 100% think you did the right thing. Safe guarding must be considered for any sleepover situation.

If my child told me they wanted to leave when at someone else’s house and had no other way to leave then I’d go and get them even if they were an adult.

Something might have happened. Or as a child they might feel uncomfortable and unable to explain why either from a lack of understanding or because someone was listening.

I wonder about the friend whose mum forgot a sporting thing - sounds like a code they’ve agreed in advance to me (which I do with my kids when they have sleepovers, they can text me a random word and I will call with an excuse to come and get them) so they can leave without having to worry about their friend’s feelings. I tell them to do this if someone in the house has made them feel uncomfortable.

Bottom line is staying at someone else’s house is an opportunity for abuse to happen. Kids might not be able to explain why something felt off but it is important to respond if they are not happy in this situation.

Deadringer · 12/07/2025 18:36

It doesn't really matter what people would do though does it, everyone parents their dc in their own way, the point is the girlfriend should keep her opinion to herself, it's not her call. Personally I hate sleepovers, i did let my dc have them but generally i think they are a huge waste of time and energy.

Original poster
WhiteWidowWithAttitude · 12/07/2025 18:35

Balloonhearts · 12/07/2025 18:21

I agree with the friend tbh. Massively babying him, especially since there was nothing actually wrong, it was the middle of the night so he'd have to wake the other parents when leaving and you'd had a glass of wine so really shouldn't have been driving.

Bloody hell, I’m trying not to be shitty here but I’ve said several times, the parents (and all the other sleepovers kids) were still wide awake and having a ball.

I’d had one glass of wine at 20:00, and it was now midnight and I’d been asleep for the best part of an hour (and had eaten in between)!!

No one was woken (other than me), no one was driving over the limit or anything close to it. I’m a clinician, I wouldn’t drink and drive ffs!

He was unhappy, uncomfortable, hungry and homesick.

I’ve taken on board everyone’s opinions, I really have, and I’ve come to the conclusion that picking him up was absolutely the right thing to do. It’s not damaged or “babied” him, in fact, I’m starting to feel reassured that I’ve maybe actually reassured him that he did the right thing in contacting me, and I’ve given him confidence that I’ll always be there for him.

The only reason I highlighted the fact that we recently lost our husband/father, was to reiterate the fact that I wouldn’t have been too drunk/unavailable to collect him, and given that circumstance, his friends won’t be condemning him to “mummy boy” status for wanting to go home - not to justify him wanting to come home or me
picking him up in the first place!

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 12/07/2025 18:34

Balloonhearts · 12/07/2025 18:21

I agree with the friend tbh. Massively babying him, especially since there was nothing actually wrong, it was the middle of the night so he'd have to wake the other parents when leaving and you'd had a glass of wine so really shouldn't have been driving.

Pls read to OPs updates before posting, all host parents and children were awake.
The OP had 1 glass of wine 4 hours earlier, she was fine to drive and no one else (other than friend sharing the bed) were disturbed.

notanothersummercold · 12/07/2025 18:27

SemperIdem · 12/07/2025 16:44

I agree with your friend, to be honest.

So do l. Maybe at 7 or 8 but 12? Nah stick it out til the morning.

Sorry just seen he has recently lost his dad? If that had have been mentioned in the op then maybe you would have different responses op. Of course that changes things.

Balloonhearts · 12/07/2025 18:21

I agree with the friend tbh. Massively babying him, especially since there was nothing actually wrong, it was the middle of the night so he'd have to wake the other parents when leaving and you'd had a glass of wine so really shouldn't have been driving.

Forlocalqs · 12/07/2025 18:21

Yanbu. You met your child’s needs (teens still need their needs met by parents) and it was no big deal. If he’d been on a DofE expedition or something then it might be a different matter, but it was just an unimportant sleepover. Don’t let her opinion bother you.

CornflowerDusk · 12/07/2025 18:19

It's not really any of her business, is it?

Itwasallyellow2 · 12/07/2025 18:16

I understand your reasons OP and it’s your judgement to make but am aware that many children aren’t enabled to problem solve for themselves. As a result we undermine their agency and ability to know they can manage, and overcome, situations they dislike. Adults often rescue children too soon and it really isn’t a good thing.

Starlight7080 · 12/07/2025 18:16

Its not anyone else's business. He is your child and you know what's best for him.
Its sounds like you have a good relationship with him .

Broken12 · 12/07/2025 18:15

You sound like an amazing mom to me x

maddiemookins16mum · 12/07/2025 18:15

He doesn’t sound ready enough for sleepovers at present.

SpookyMcTaggart · 12/07/2025 18:15

Your friend is interfering and being domineering. I think you absolutely did the right thing - your son will be reassured that you will always be there for him if he feels uneasy or upset by a situation, and he won't feel bad about asking you - this will be invaluable in the future as he grows up and the 'situations' can become more risky.
Tell your friend to mind her own business.

Lavenderfarmcottage · 12/07/2025 18:15

I think you are a wonderful Mother & exemplary.

Your child knows he can rely on you, what a safe and great feeling for a kid.

sleepovers are statistically high risk for sexual abuse. Thats unlikely why he wanted to leave but the point is that you’ve set a good precedent. Your son knows that in any situation you’re there if he feels uncomfortable & he doesn’t need to qualify it.

Even if it was the case he just had the creeps or his friend made him feel uncomfortable or upset him then so what ? As adults we would leave if we wanted, so why should your child be stuck sleeping there.

Tangerinenets · 12/07/2025 18:14

WhiteWidowWithAttitude · 12/07/2025 17:02

And also, I have got out of my bed at 0330 before to pick up my 19yr old who found themselves in an uncomfortable situation (or their own making btw), yes it inconvenienced me. Yes I gave the talk about making sensible decisions, but to be honest, I was just grateful that they felt able to message me and ask for my help rather than remain in a potentially unsafe/uncomfortable situation, and they are still perfectly able to manage their lives well the rest of the time, and haven’t been shunned or mocked by their friends for being “mummy’s boy”.

The host parents weren’t bothered in the slightest, and there were still quite a few (very active and awake) sleepover participants when I took my son home.

I’ve done that with my 19 year old too when the friend she went clubbing with miles away went off with a boy and left her in a club on her own! I’ve always said I don’t care what time it is or where they are or what they’re doing , if the feel uncomfortable to call me.

Americano75 · 12/07/2025 18:13

I think you're a great mum.

Your so called friend needs to keep her uncalled for opinions to herself.

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