“Struggling in my marriage after becoming a parent – is this normal?

"What was she like before we had a child?"

Before our daughter was born, things weren’t perfect — we did have communication issues — but I could still see hope and we could enjoy each other’s company. I sometimes felt like I had to walk on eggshells or tiptoe around her moods, but I chalked it up to stress, her upbringing, or just the usual relationship challenges.

After becoming parents, though, things changed dramatically. She became far more reactive, critical, and emotionally volatile. I know parenting is an enormous shift — especially for the primary caregiver — and I’ve really tried to support her in that. I’ve taken on the full financial burden, I do a lot of the shopping, and the admin. But emotionally, it feels like I’ve been shut out and treated like an enemy or a nuisance.

"There might be two sides…"

I appreciate the balance in your comment. You’re right — there are always two sides. I’m far from perfect, and I know there were times I stepped back to avoid conflict, especially when I felt like nothing I said or did was good enough.

But what’s been happening lately has been really painful. For example:

She recently told our 2-year-old daughter “How can you be such a stupid child?” after she lost a toy.

She mocked me for being unwell after a wisdom tooth extraction, accusing me of hiding in the toilet to avoid parenting.

If I try to help, she either criticizes or takes over — then later accuses me of being uninvolved.

I’ve raised the idea of therapy gently a few times, but she says I always make her feel like everything is “her fault,” and then shuts down.

You’re right that contempt seems to have crept in — and I’ve read enough to know that when that shows up, it’s a big red flag. I’ve been hesitant to talk to a solicitor because I didn’t want to think it would come to that… but maybe I do need to start thinking long-term, for everyone’s sake — including our daughter’s.

Thanks also for the advice about not having another child until things are better. I honestly hadn’t even considered that, but you’re right — that would likely make everything worse right now.

Yes, she is probably sleep deprived — especially over the last two years. But our daughter sleeps through the night now, and still the emotional climate hasn’t changed. So while I understand tiredness, I don’t think that explains everything.

I get that parenting is exhausting, but that doesn’t make this kind of behaviour okay.

She’s 36, and I’ve asked myself the same — is this burnout, resentment, or something deeper like depression? I’ve suggested therapy and even offered to talk to someone together, but she says I always make her feel like “she’s the broken one.” So the conversation dies.

You’re right about how she speaks to me — it often feels like contempt. And when I do spend time with our daughter, it’s micromanaged or interrupted, like I’m being tested.

A few times I’ve asked, “Do you even want to be married to me anymore?” — and I get either silence or sarcasm in return. It’s honestly really painful.

Thank you — I agree this isn’t sustainable. I’ve thought a lot about therapy, and I’d be open to it. The problem is that every time I try to raise anything deeper — like how we speak to each other, or how we co-parent — my wife either shuts down, gets angry, or turns it into a fight about how I am the problem.

I know kids absorb emotional undercurrents. That’s one of the things that hurts the most — watching our daughter grow up in a climate of sarcasm, shouting, or silence.

I don’t want her to grow up thinking this is what a relationship is supposed to feel like.