“Struggling in my marriage after becoming a parent – is this normal?

Fandyman · 2025-07-12T13:00:34+00:00

Hi everyone, I’m a 41-year-old husband and a father to a 2.5-year-old daughter. For a long time now, I’ve been feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted in my relationship with my wife. I honestly don’t know anymore if this is just a rough patch, personality differences, parenting stress — or something more serious like emotional abuse, contempt, or a complete lack of respect. My wife hasn’t worked since our daughter was born (over 2 years ago). I fully acknowledge that being a stay-at-home parent is a full-time job — I don’t minimize that. I work full-time from home in a demanding job. I try to help around the house and be involved with our child, though it’s not always easy. Some examples of what concerns me: - She reacts with anger, sarcasm, or contempt over everyday things (e.g., if I forget to bring the baby monitor into the kitchen, I get a verbal attack). - When I try to express how I feel or suggest anything, I get mocked. She’ll say things like: “Did you check with ChatGPT first?” or “Money isn’t everything, you know” — as if I’m only useful for my income. - We haven’t had any physical intimacy for two years. Anytime I try to talk about it, she shuts down, gets angry, or walks away. - Our daughter is very attached to her, which is understandable, but every time I try to step in (e.g. bath time, medicine, bedtime), my wife often takes over or criticizes what I do. - When something like an accident happens (e.g. our toddler pooped on the carpet), and I respond calmly (“oh dear”), she shouts at me in front of our child: “Don’t say that, you’ll traumatize her for life!” — even though I try to be gentle. - Even simple things like planning childcare, visiting family, or going on holiday turn into conflict or silent treatment. It feels like no suggestion is ever okay. More recently: - One morning I gave our daughter a yogurt with blueberries straight from the container. My wife got angry that I didn’t wash or cut the berries into tiny pieces. I get being careful, but the way it was delivered — with contempt and zero acknowledgment that I tried — felt harsh. - Another example: We bought our daughter a small toy ball while traveling. She lost it in the street a few minutes later (she's 2, of course she drops things). My wife got visibly upset and insisted on going back to buy the exact same one, convinced our daughter was crying because she needed it back. When I suggested maybe she was just overwhelmed or tired, she told me I “never understand anything about kids.” She also later told our daughter, “How can you be such a stupid child?” — which really shocked me. When I suggested she apologize, she flat-out refused. I know she might be emotionally overwhelmed or exhausted. I get that 24/7 childcare is hard. But her tone, mood swings, and unwillingness to reflect on her behavior are starting to wear me down. Sometimes I feel like I’m just keeping the house running, bringing in the money, but emotionally I’m invisible — or worse, treated like the enemy. Is this emotional abuse? Are we just two burned-out people who can’t connect? Or is this relationship becoming toxic — especially for our daughter? Has anyone here gone through something similar — especially in early parenthood? I’m still trying. But I feel like I’m slowly disappearing in this dynamic, and I don’t know how long I can keep going. Thanks in advance for any honest advice.

Lafufufu · 12/07/2025 22:26

I agree with this...
I would say though that I do see elements of myself in her. Particularly after baby two, I felt a constant state of burnout and it would come out as a much more aggressive person that I used to be.

I'd also say its refreshing that you came on here to post and haven't flounced.

I def recognise less extreme versions of your dynamic in my friendship group. Your wife is in martyr mode and has turned inward to her child.
Being a mother is hard to navigate... as far as i can see your options are basically limited to being the nag, the hysterical woman or the martyr - it's crap all round.

Things sound very close to break point in your relationship.
You do need to find the fun and reconnect - post a heart to heartchat where you ask everyone lays down their weapons I'd maybe try getting in childcare and arranging some date nights (as an fyi uou should get access to free hours now... a childminder who goes to play groups might be a nice choice) it would give her a break in the day and it would mean there is someone who your child knows and can look after your child and give you / her a break on an ad hoc basis in the evenings most CMs babysit on the side

Good.luck I really hope you can reconnect with your wife.

IslandsAround · 12/07/2025 21:56

Yes you can come back from this. But only if you both want this to work. You seem to so you’re halfway there.

Offer a heartfelt apology for your role in the dynamic. Say you miss her. Suggest couples counselling as a way back to each other. If she won’t go - go to counselling yourself. You deserve to be treated with love & respect either way.

I would recommend listening to Esther Perel’s podcast & books.

DustlandFairytaleBeginning · 12/07/2025 21:54

Your wifes treatment isn't okay. I would say though that I do see elements of myself in her. Particularly after baby two, I felt a constant state of burnout and it would come out as a much more aggressive person that I used to be. Because even holidays don't really relax you when you have the kids around. My husband used to take the kids out for a couple of hours on a Sunday afternoon- to the park, pub, into town etc. and then come home and make dinner. It helped enormously. I'd have a long bathand uninterrupted food and tv. I don't think it was any huge coincidence that Sunday nights tended to be the nights we were intimate. I found it almost impossible to be intimate after being around little kids all day- I felt touched out and wanted to be left alone so bad.

Ultimately you can only save this through calm communication, with a therapist or otherwise. Maybe frame it with your concerns for her, she doesn't seem happy, what does she need from you etc. Do you spend any fun time together without the kids?

It she won't talk about it ever, then unfortunately it might be too far broken to fix. The further it drifts the more it needs both of you to be trying to pull it back.

Original poster

Fandyman · 12/07/2025 21:50

Nosleepforthismum · 12/07/2025 21:31

I mean, the fact that you consider “stepping up” to involve nappy changes, bathing, dressing and playing with your daughter is disgraceful if you have only been doing those things in the last few months. Presumably your wife would have been on maternity leave and pay during the first year so you wouldn’t have been the sole contributor and I can see how it would be a red flag to a bull if you have ever said that you left her to do bloody everything for TWO YEARS because you were “giving her full space to parent in the way she felt was right” - I suspect contemptuous is also how I’d be feeling towards you if I had been treated in that way.

Marriage counselling where you accept you have been a total shitbag and crap parent for the first two years might go some way to repairing your relationship but don’t even try to justify your behaviour like you are doing here because you may as well go straight for divorce if so.

Thanks for your reply — I just want to clarify something that might’ve been misunderstood.

I wasn’t absent for two years, nor did I “leave her to do everything.” I was there from the very start — doing nappy changes, night-time wakeups, long shifts alone with our daughter, bottle feeds, everything. We didn’t have any external help, no family support. For many months, we shared the physical care of our daughter roughly equally — and I was also working full-time and doing all errands and shopping on top of that.

The phrase “I gave her space to parent” maybe came out wrong. What I meant is that I often deferred to her instincts — not because I didn’t care or couldn’t be bothered, but because I was trying to support her decisions and avoid conflict. I now see how that may have felt like I was emotionally checked out, even if I was physically there and trying to help.

A lot of the “only mummy can do bedtime” dynamic wasn’t something I encouraged — it developed over time. Our daughter became extremely mummy-attached (possibly some separation anxiety), and any time I tried to step in, it was either met with rejection from the child or criticism from my wife — “you’re too slow,” “why didn’t you run up faster?” or similar. I backed off not out of laziness, but because trying harder seemed to escalate the tension. That was probably a mistake — I own that. But it wasn't from lack of care.

Also, when I mentioned stepping up recently, I didn’t mean I was doing nothing before. I’ve always been present after work, apart from a few months where I was spending spare hours insulating our freezing house a year after our daughter was born — so that we’d all be more comfortable through winter. My increased involvement now is more about trying to reconnect and repair a bond that’s been strained — not my first attempt at showing up.

I’m not here to paint myself as faultless — I’m here because I do want to see my own blind spots. But I also want to be understood fairly. It's been a tough two years for both of us. I’m just trying to figure out if it’s still possible to rebuild trust and respect between us — or if we’ve reached the point where that’s no longer possible.

OP posts:

Safxxx · 12/07/2025 21:40

Sorry you're going through this hard time, do you go out together much? Could you possibly keep showering her with more love by buying her flowers and gifts, taking her out somewhere nice, just try to date her and let her fall in love with you again.
Seems like she's been suffering from post natal depression and it's lingered on and became resentment against you.
She probably doesn't understand herself either and blames u for everything.
It's not easy but be patient and try to win her back, go on mini vacations and do what she loves doing, being by the sea, hikes etc somewhere where she will feel better, at the moment seems like being at home with a toddler is repetitive...she needs a change, and it will be good for you both. Does she have any friends or family around? She needs to go see them regularly too. Hope everything works out for you both🙏 if after doing everything you can and nothing changes then I guess it's over 😞

Original poster

Fandyman · 12/07/2025 21:39

Lafufufu · 12/07/2025 20:46

Honestly you sound like you have a high EQ are self reflective and aware of the situation so i am really struggling to understand how / why you watched her struggle and carry it alone for 18m + ????

I also don't understand how couples end up in situations where "only mummy can put the child to bed" what the hell were you doing every evening? we have always alternated nights...

I think this is a case of do you want to be right or do you want to get what you want.

If you want to save your marriage or change anything and start to find your way back to each other you probably need to hold your hands up admit you let her down badly give her a long detailed heartfelt apology and tell her you love her and want to built a life together, you will try and do whatever she needs but you cant do it alone. And when she wants to rage at you let her. Not indefinitely but try not to retaliate too much and let her get it out and get her to agree to therapy and couples counselling

Only you know whether its too far gone but with a child I'd need to know I exhausted every path to find my way back to the man/woman i married.

Edited

Thank you — your message hit hard, but I really appreciate the honesty.

I think you're right that I need to be brutally honest with myself first. I didn’t intentionally leave the burden on her shoulders, but in practice, I now see that I did. I thought I was “helping” by providing financially and giving her full space to parent how she saw best — and I believed that by avoiding friction, I was supporting harmony. In reality, I left her feeling alone, which likely built the resentment we’re drowning in now.

The bedtime issue developed gradually. In the beginning, our daughter was breastfed and very attached, so my wife naturally did the nights. I was involved, but sleep became a real problem. I work a demanding full-time job from home, and after many months of broken nights, I physically couldn’t keep up. It wasn’t about refusing to help — it was burnout. But I admit I could have been more proactive about finding long-term solutions instead of just surviving day by day.

Later, whenever I did try to step in more, I was often criticised or dismissed — told I was doing it wrong, or she would take over mid-routine. That dynamic made it harder to stay engaged, and I gradually pulled back, trying to avoid conflict. I see now that avoidance only deepened the divide. I should’ve said much earlier, “I want to be involved — let’s find a way.”

You’re right to ask: what do I want more — to be “right,” or to rebuild something worth saving? I honestly don’t know if we’re too far gone. But I do know that our daughter deserves parents who at least tried to understand each other before walking away.

In the last few months, I’ve really stepped up — bath times, daily presence after work, being more hands-on with her, not just to tick boxes but because I genuinely want to. But if my wife still feels like I let her down — and clearly she does — then I need to own that fully. And show her I’m serious about changing the dynamic between us.

The hardest part is communication. I’ve tried to suggest therapy or counselling before, but she completely shut it down. Even her own sister recently told her she needs to speak to someone after staying with us for a few days — she saw how angry and aggressive my wife became, even toward her. I don’t say that to shame her — I know she’s struggling. But I can’t fix this alone.

Counselling is something I will continue to push for. If there’s still a chance to reconnect — for the sake of our daughter and each other — I want to try. But if we can’t even sit at the same table and speak honestly without blame or contempt, then maybe it’s already too late.

OP posts:

Nosleepforthismum · 12/07/2025 21:31

I mean, the fact that you consider “stepping up” to involve nappy changes, bathing, dressing and playing with your daughter is disgraceful if you have only been doing those things in the last few months. Presumably your wife would have been on maternity leave and pay during the first year so you wouldn’t have been the sole contributor and I can see how it would be a red flag to a bull if you have ever said that you left her to do bloody everything for TWO YEARS because you were “giving her full space to parent in the way she felt was right” - I suspect contemptuous is also how I’d be feeling towards you if I had been treated in that way.

Marriage counselling where you accept you have been a total shitbag and crap parent for the first two years might go some way to repairing your relationship but don’t even try to justify your behaviour like you are doing here because you may as well go straight for divorce if so.

Lafufufu · 12/07/2025 20:46

Honestly you sound like you have a high EQ are self reflective and aware of the situation so i am really struggling to understand how / why you watched her struggle and carry it alone for 18m + ????

I also don't understand how couples end up in situations where "only mummy can put the child to bed" what the hell were you doing every evening? we have always alternated nights...

I think this is a case of do you want to be right or do you want to get what you want.

If you want to save your marriage or change anything and start to find your way back to each other you probably need to hold your hands up admit you let her down badly give her a long detailed heartfelt apology and tell her you love her and want to built a life together, you will try and do whatever she needs but you cant do it alone. And when she wants to rage at you let her. Not indefinitely but try not to retaliate too much and let her get it out and get her to agree to therapy and couples counselling

Only you know whether its too far gone but with a child I'd need to know I exhausted every path to find my way back to the man/woman i married.

poppy10101 · 12/07/2025 20:45

Fandyman · 12/07/2025 20:30

Thanks for your reply — I think you're right to an extent. I completely accept that I could have done more, especially in the first year. At the time, I thought I was doing my part by handling the finances entirely (I was the only income), taking care of the home (there was a lot to do post-move a year earlier), and giving her full space to parent the way she felt was right.

But I now realise that unintentionally, that also meant she carried the full emotional and physical load of daily childcare. That’s not fair, and I regret not seeing the imbalance sooner. I did suggest help (nursery or shared childcare) at various points, but it was often dismissed — either as being too soon or not worth the disruption. From my perspective, I was trying to avoid conflict, but I can see how it came across as distant or disengaged.

Over the last several months, I’ve stepped up significantly with our daughter — daily bath times, full presence after work, being more hands-on — and I did it not for “credit” but because I genuinely wanted to rebuild connection. But I feel like that effort has been invisible or met with ongoing contempt, and when I try to talk about anything difficult, I get mocked or stonewalled.

So yes — maybe her resentment has been building for a long time, and I need to own my part in that. But I also think that healing won’t come unless both sides can reflect, talk, and rebuild with mutual respect. Right now, that part feels impossible.

Show quote history

Could you start with an apology? Explain what you are sorry for and ask her not to respond just hear you out. Then ask her to respond the next day and you don’t speak.
really listen to each other rather than waiting to reply and defend.
At some point you both need to decide if you can move on from how you’ve both treated each other. A line needs to be drawn and you both need to take responsibility for your behaviours that have lead to where you are.
I think you will need to work with a counsellor to unpick this and learn to communicate. Before you can get to that bit you need to decide between you if things are repairable.
Good luck, it’s hard to come back from contempt but it can be done and imo worth trying if you have a child.

Original poster

Fandyman · 12/07/2025 20:30

poppy10101 · 12/07/2025 20:01

I think you’ve answered your own question, you openly admit you have only stepped up in the last few months. Your wife’s resentment has probably been growing for nearly two years.
i understand you were bringing in the money but that doesn’t omit you from doing much else.
Your wife may have felt unable to return to work as she knew she would still be doing everything else with your daughter and around the house.
i would be interested to hear her side.

Thanks for your reply — I think you're right to an extent. I completely accept that I could have done more, especially in the first year. At the time, I thought I was doing my part by handling the finances entirely (I was the only income), taking care of the home (there was a lot to do post-move a year earlier), and giving her full space to parent the way she felt was right.

But I now realise that unintentionally, that also meant she carried the full emotional and physical load of daily childcare. That’s not fair, and I regret not seeing the imbalance sooner. I did suggest help (nursery or shared childcare) at various points, but it was often dismissed — either as being too soon or not worth the disruption. From my perspective, I was trying to avoid conflict, but I can see how it came across as distant or disengaged.

Over the last several months, I’ve stepped up significantly with our daughter — daily bath times, full presence after work, being more hands-on — and I did it not for “credit” but because I genuinely wanted to rebuild connection. But I feel like that effort has been invisible or met with ongoing contempt, and when I try to talk about anything difficult, I get mocked or stonewalled.

So yes — maybe her resentment has been building for a long time, and I need to own my part in that. But I also think that healing won’t come unless both sides can reflect, talk, and rebuild with mutual respect. Right now, that part feels impossible.

OP posts:

MuckFusk · 12/07/2025 20:03

poppy10101 · 12/07/2025 20:01

I think you’ve answered your own question, you openly admit you have only stepped up in the last few months. Your wife’s resentment has probably been growing for nearly two years.
i understand you were bringing in the money but that doesn’t omit you from doing much else.
Your wife may have felt unable to return to work as she knew she would still be doing everything else with your daughter and around the house.
i would be interested to hear her side.

None of that excuses her emotional and verbal abuse, which she has even started using on the child.

TomatoSandwiches · 12/07/2025 20:02

Fandyman · 12/07/2025 14:25

She’s 36, and I’ve asked myself the same — is this burnout, resentment, or something deeper like depression? I’ve suggested therapy and even offered to talk to someone together, but she says I always make her feel like “she’s the broken one.” So the conversation dies.

You’re right about how she speaks to me — it often feels like contempt. And when I do spend time with our daughter, it’s micromanaged or interrupted, like I’m being tested.

A few times I’ve asked, “Do you even want to be married to me anymore?” — and I get either silence or sarcasm in return. It’s honestly really painful.

She doesnt, she says nothing because the answer is yes, she doesnt like or love you and doesnt want to be married but shes not brave enough to say it.

MuckFusk · 12/07/2025 20:01

She sounds absolutely insufferable and yes, what you have described is emotional abuse. It's telling that you already had to walk on eggshells with her before the child was born. I'd be getting ready to pack it in.

poppy10101 · 12/07/2025 20:01

I think you’ve answered your own question, you openly admit you have only stepped up in the last few months. Your wife’s resentment has probably been growing for nearly two years.
i understand you were bringing in the money but that doesn’t omit you from doing much else.
Your wife may have felt unable to return to work as she knew she would still be doing everything else with your daughter and around the house.
i would be interested to hear her side.

Octonaut4Life · 12/07/2025 19:57

I think it's telling that your wife has directly told you why she is going this but it doesn't sound like you've really internalised it? Financial responsibility is by no means enough to support a partner with a young child! You mention things like the fact that you spent a lot of time previously doing DIY etc rather than supporting and that it's only in more recent months you have stepped up to the plate (now, frankly, that things are a bit easier with an older toddler). It sounds like you have broken your wife's trust in you to support her when she needs it by not being present enough when your child was younger. A couple of months of being much more engaged isn't going to be enough for her to trust you again. If you really want to work on the relationship, I suggest you actively apologise to her if she didn't feel supported in the past, and double your efforts to support her now. Offer to cook a few times a week. Anticipate what needs doing and do it before she has to. Show her she can rely on you again. And try to have a conversation about her behaviour towards you, ideally once she's had time to simmer down, calmly try to say that it's not okay to speak to you that way and sets a poor example for your child. It may be that the relationship is just broken at this point but it sounds like you do really want to try.

Pessismistic · 12/07/2025 19:52

You can’t be punished for ever look to get out she hates you.

Original poster

Fandyman · 12/07/2025 19:41

ginasevern · 12/07/2025 16:04

It isn't unusual for the whole dynamic of a relationship to change when kids come along. Sometimes (and I've personally witnessed this with a couple of female friends) the woman actually does become contemptuous of her husband after having a child. He can do no right and sex is also off the cards because that mission has been fulfilled. It's as if he's served his purpose and now he's basically a nuisance. I mean, your wife might have depression or deep routed issues but unless she's prepared to tackle them (and maybe even if she is) I should seriously consider your future together.

Thanks for your thoughtful comment. To your question — things between us definitely got worse after becoming parents. There were some issues before, but the current level of tension and hostility wasn’t there. I wouldn’t say she’s had a total personality change, but something fundamental has shifted since our daughter was born.

As for work and childcare, she hasn’t worked since our daughter’s birth. Early on, we both agreed — for slightly different reasons — that she would stay at home. From my side, I was working from home in a demanding job, and the idea of having a childminder or nanny around all day while I worked in the next room just felt awkward and intrusive. From her side, she said her income would be more or less the same as a nursery or childminder’s salary, so what was the point of working just to cover childcare?

When our daughter turned one, I gently raised the idea of nursery, but she would shut it down — first saying it was too early, then later saying there’s no point sending her for a few months if full nursery starts soon. Meanwhile, the tension between us kept building.

Eventually I asked her directly why she’s treating me this way. Her answer hit hard: she said it was a punishment, because she believes I never did enough — that I’ve always left her alone with everything and that my presence has been meaningless.

That’s not how I see it. I’ve taken on full financial responsibility, all household bills, and in recent months, I’ve made a conscious effort to be more involved with our daughter — bath times, evenings, just being present. But it feels like no matter what I do, it’s never enough. It’s exhausting.

This isn’t about assigning all blame. I get that she may feel overwhelmed or resentful. But when emotional support is replaced with constant criticism, sarcasm, and contempt… I start questioning whether this is even sustainable, or fair to our daughter.

OP posts:

ginasevern · 12/07/2025 16:04

It isn't unusual for the whole dynamic of a relationship to change when kids come along. Sometimes (and I've personally witnessed this with a couple of female friends) the woman actually does become contemptuous of her husband after having a child. He can do no right and sex is also off the cards because that mission has been fulfilled. It's as if he's served his purpose and now he's basically a nuisance. I mean, your wife might have depression or deep routed issues but unless she's prepared to tackle them (and maybe even if she is) I should seriously consider your future together.

Pessismistic · 12/07/2025 15:42

I think if she keeps shutting you down with no explanation you should be straight with her say I’m considering a divorce and how much custody you would have. You can’t fix her maybe she gets frustrated with dd wanting her but she has allowed this by being over critical with you. Ask her if she would prefer to to go to work? It is much easier than being home all day. The fact there has been nothing sexual between you I can’t imagine that changing unless she wants a 2nd dc. Give her one more chance then make your decision.

Original poster

Fandyman · 12/07/2025 15:07

UncertainPerson · 12/07/2025 14:46

Do you do your share of the ‘mental load’ and parenting when you’re not at work? Do you both have equal time off? Do you have equal access to money? This is usually the wellspring of resentment tbh. Ask yourself these questions honestly.

Did anything happen during the birth that was traumatising? I guess that’s the other thing that I was thinking about. Anger can be a sign of trauma or depression.

Thanks again for raising those thoughtful questions — I’ve reflected a lot on them over the past months.

Do I do my share of the parenting and mental load?
I’ll be honest — I didn’t cook or handle meals, that’s true. But over the last few months, I’ve become much more hands-on with our daughter’s care — especially with things like bathing, dressing, nappy changes, and playing with her. My wife has started to trust me more in that role, and I really do want to build that connection.

The bedtime routine is still very much “mum only” — our daughter gets extremely distressed if I try to put her to sleep. That strong preference for mum has become a pattern — I think it’s partly developmental, but also partly reinforced by how my wife responds when I try to step in. Sometimes even in front of our child, she’ll criticise or undermine me, which makes it even harder for me to build confidence or connection.

After work, I come downstairs right away and spend all my time with them until our daughter goes to bed — I don’t hide away.

Have I always been that present?
To be fair — last year I spent a lot of my free time doing practical work around the house (we had some big DIY jobs that needed handling). So I wasn’t as available as I could have been emotionally. But over the past few months, I’ve tried hard to rebalance things. I want to be there for both of them. I have to admit that due to various reasons she was the only caregiver for most of the 2 years until recently but it was in a large portion due to my wife rejecting me and my opinions etc on how i wanted our baby to be looked after.

Access to money / time off?
We’ve shared finances since our daughter was born. I’ve covered everything financially, and she’s never had to ask permission for spending — nor would I want her to. I also know being at home all day with a toddler is draining. But at the same time, she does get moments of quiet (during naps, or when our daughter watches a show), while I’m in meetings or under pressure at work with no real break.

Was the birth traumatic?
Not in a clinical sense — but the transition into motherhood was clearly very intense for her. She still carries our 2-year-old everywhere and rarely uses the pram. I think there’s been some kind of emotional fusion between her and our daughter, and I often feel like an outsider — both emotionally and physically.

That’s been hard. Especially because even small attempts to connect or help can be met with criticism or rejection — which creates even more distance.

OP posts:

Lafufufu · 12/07/2025 14:55

I think there's 2 sides

I'd find a calm moment and suggest couples therapy again. Explain its not about her being wrong or you being wrong...its about the life you want together as a family - she cant be happy like this

Things do get better once child hits 3 ish.
I would also just really recommend starting taking your child out solo for a few hours at the weekend.

I specifically had to make myself step back but I see a lot of mum friend doing it because "he does it like X and its WRONG"
Like who cares? Is it that big of a deal if the sandwich is squares not triangles?

You will build more of a bond with your child. It can be something basic like going out and getting coffee amd pastries and taking 2 yo with you, park and playground or feed the duckies or a combo of those things.
Other thing to research is dad playgroups there are 3 now in our area

Its also a great way to meet more dads locally

whynotmereally · 12/07/2025 14:52

You need to be clear you are unhappy you believe she is unhappy you want to try couples therapy. No blame just solution. If she says no you have your answer you either accept this is your marriage or you leave. If you leave you need to be prepared to fight for shared custody as she may not want you to see your child alone .

Lafufufu · 12/07/2025 14:51

I think there's 2 sides

I'd find a calm moment and suggest couples therapy again. Explain its not about her being wrong or you being wrong...its about the life you want together as a family - she cant be happy like this

Things do get better once child hits 3 ish.
I would also just really recommend starting taking your child out solo for a few hours at the weekend.

I specifically had to make myself step back but I see a lot of mum friends being v controlling doing it because "he does it like X and its WRONG"
Like who cares? Is it that big of a deal if the sandwich is squares not triangles?

You will build more of a bond with your child. It can be something basic like going out and getting coffee amd pastries and taking 2 yo with you, park and playground or feed the duckies or a combo of those things.
Other thing to research is dad playgroups there are 3 now in our area

Its also a great way to meet more dads locally

UncertainPerson · 12/07/2025 14:46

Do you do your share of the ‘mental load’ and parenting when you’re not at work? Do you both have equal time off? Do you have equal access to money? This is usually the wellspring of resentment tbh. Ask yourself these questions honestly.

Did anything happen during the birth that was traumatising? I guess that’s the other thing that I was thinking about. Anger can be a sign of trauma or depression.

shirtyshirt · 12/07/2025 14:36

She sounds resentful, perhaps she shouldn't be a SAHM