DH says I’m not fun anymore

Sounds like he no longer loves you and is trying to find reasons to justify it.

Need more context. Is he hands on with childcare and housework? Or are you completely exhausted from handling all of that? If the answer is you’re shouldering all of this and then he expects you to be waiting on him, giving him sex every night, and a ball of energy each evening/weekend, then he’s being massively unreasonable and selfish.
If he shares the load, tries hard to make you feel special, suggests date nights, but you refuse to leave your DC with a babysitter and have time the two of you, then I could see his point.
Lots that could impact the answers here.

Do you have babysitters and still get out for date nights? Do you still have a regular sex life?

I feel my partner and I only got stronger when DS came along, but he has always been very helpful with everything, we get time the two of us whenever we can, and have a regular sex life. I think we hadn’t been together for that long when we had DS so we’ve made all of that a priority (as well as of course DS being the biggest priority!).

I'd be worried that this is the start of The Script.

And that's why I decided as a teenager NOT to have kids. I get absolutely slayed here for saying that, however, I contribute my 20 years of happy marriage exactly to that.

What does he constitute as fun? Are things regarding chores and childcare etc shared equally? What does he feel he should do to inject some “fun” back into your relationship? Doesn’t mean you have to agree with him btw, just interested what his ideas are.

Another selfish dh. How helpful is he? Does he mean less sex or just everything. Is he starting to check out. Not a very kind thing to say how much fun is he? Sometimes you lose your way being a mum it takes a lot of effort and men feel that they have been sidelined.

It's a mean and hurtful thing to say. A kind man would say something more like 'it's hard to make time for fun stuff these days isn't it? What could we do just for us?'

This sketch is apt I think

So, what does this toddler man view as you being 'fun'? Blow jobs? Going out, getting shitfaced and giving him a blowjob on the way home? Abseiling naked down a rockface with only a bottle of champagne in place of an emergency kit?

It’s probably both of you
kids as much as they are your world they can suck the joy out of life

you go from fun and carefree to mundane routine

And even when you're alone together, I bet half your mind is on your child. Men seem to be able to forget that they are fathers when it suits them, but mothers always have their children in the back of their mind.

It is a hurtful thing to hear but, as hard as it is to hear, do you spend time when it is just you and him miserable? Have you almost forgotten how to have fun without your child? Do you complain and moan?

Or does he mean you have no interest in wild days out drinking or going far afield etc?

If its the first, then maybe you need to sit down and have an honest conversation together about how you both feel

If its the latter, then hes an idiot and needs to understand what life with a small child is like for the majority of people...its pretty exhausting and not unusual to loose some spontaneousy and maybe not want to do certain activities

I bet you’re doing all the domestic labour and he is waiting to be entertained.

So ask him what his suggestions are.

What do you think is the issue? Is it that you are the default parent and he does not pull his weight? Or does what he says have merit?

Id suggest 2 things. You go away on your own for a few days to recharge. Don’t prep anything at home for him. He’s a grown man and should be able to handle it. Then get some couples counselling.

Resentment is absolutely a marriage killer. But if he resents you for not being fun while expecting you to carry more weight than him, then that’s not fair