Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should we get SD one aswell?

167 replies

Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 12:23

would appreciate some insight from people here, especially those who have blended families

in my family it is tradition that all the girls get a charm bracelet, the bracelet when they are born and then a charm every year until they are 18. It's really special and I treasure my bracelet.

the tradition is very much my family's doing e.g. when I was with my ex and had my DD he and his family were not involved with buying the bracelet or any charms. It was all done between myself, my mum, my grandma. My family would feel very upset if my DD's paternal family tried to be involved in this e.g if they bought her a charm.

my daughter (7) has a bracelet with charms and my brother and his wife are pregnant with a little girl, so me and my mum have bought a bracelet for her.

sorry for all the context but I feel like it's important!

so, I have been in a relationship for a few years now with a man who has 3 children, two teen boys and a now 10 year old girl who I will call SD for ease although we are not married

SD has become aware of the girls getting bracelets (mostly due to my niece being due soon) and has seen my daughter's bracelet. She is obviously a little jealous and feeling left out which I totally get and I don't want her to feel upset about this

I am serious with her dad and I see us being together forever. Should we look to get her a bracelet too so she is included? I'm not sure how my family would feel, I doubt they'd object but I also don't think they'd be involved - it would be down to me and my partner to sort it all out and buy the charms etc. my mum can be difficult and potentially could get offended by us doing this.

but also this is a thing that is exclusively my side of the family tradition and I wouldn't want to overstep or anything by brining SD in to it.

any thoughts would be welcome!

OP posts:
Ineffable23 · 12/07/2025 14:37

Goodness, I think I would be pretty uncomfortable with wearing a bracelet that had cost £2500 minimum! Don't you worry she won't like it as an adult? What if your daughter feels unable to say she doesn't want that as a birthday present? It's an enormous sum of money to spend on jewellery and sounds like it has a massive emotional element that sounds beyond being a nice fond memory.

NewYearNewJob2024 · 12/07/2025 14:37

Get her one, OP!!!

RoseAlone · 12/07/2025 14:37

DarkForces · 12/07/2025 12:44

It's an annual charm. Hardly a big commitment and she'll probably get fed up after a few anyway. My

My thinking exactly. I had one and hated it but family still got me charms as they liked the idea, they're awful clanking things. They sound like cow bells without the charm (no pun intended) of a lovely big cow being attached.

OfAllThePlaces · 12/07/2025 14:33

I'd get her one, but start it from this year, rather than her birth as you didn't know her then.

out of interest, what do the boys in your family get?

Twiglets1 · 12/07/2025 14:32

Don’t involve your family.

Just make it a new tradition between you & your husband that you buy her a charm bracelet and new charms every Birthday & Christmas for as long as she wants to continue the tradition.

JustMyView13 · 12/07/2025 14:27

Respectfully, your DM behaviour isn’t normal.

twobabiesandapup · 12/07/2025 14:26

Oh I’d definitely do that for her too, what a lovely way for her to feel involved and as an “equal”, as she should be! I always think it’s such a shame when stepchildren are excluded. Tbh I wouldn’t care less if my family didn’t approve, they don’t own the rights to charm bracelet distribution!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 12/07/2025 14:25

They do the charm bracelet for girls in their family, you do charms for the girls in your family - which includes your SD. It's a lovely way for her to feel that she is loved by you and she isn't excluded.

If anybody gets in a strop about it, they can nob right off. Charm bracelets and new charms each year or for other milestones have been a thing for thousands of years. They're not doing anything particularly special to them, it's something that countless women and girls have received worldwide pretty much forever.

TwerkAndJerk · 12/07/2025 14:21

I would definitely get one for SD. If your family don't want to be involved that's on them and I suppose it's up to them but it's a lovely tradition and I'd want to include her. Anyone who wants to can gift charms as and when, on either side of your little family unit. Maybe mum or a grandmother (or other relatives) on SD's side will want to be part of it.

Whaleandsnail6 · 12/07/2025 14:21

I would get her one and add to both hers and dd's separately to your mum

I have 2 nieces and a step niece the same age as one of the biological nieces. No way could I let my step niece feel left out in this way, and I'd feel sad if other members of the family felt the same.

godmum56 · 12/07/2025 14:19

Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 14:14

The bracelets themselves are quite expensive, for my daughter and my niece approx £800. The charms vary depending on what the charm is but generally £100-300

i know everyone is saying my family doesn't have a monopoly on charm brackets (and I agree!) but they aren't just like the Pandora ones you see around everywhere.

my mum can be quite difficult. When my daughter's father suggested he buy DD a charm one year she was very upset by this as she believes strongly that only people on the maternal side should be involved in getting the bracelet / charms. It's difficult to explain but I think she would be unhappy about SD getting one as she's not linked by blood (not saying I agree with this because I absolutely don't, just saying how my mum thinks)

I think people are right, she's just a little girl who sees her step sister getting a bracelet and she wants one too, and why shouldn't she. I'll speak to my partner about sorting this out, she shouldn't feel excluded.

Show quote history

I think your mum needs a head wobble. Are the bracelets and charms silver or gold?

U53rn8m3ch8ng3 · 12/07/2025 14:18

CatsorDogsrule · 12/07/2025 12:37

Why would your family be upset or offended about other girls having a charm bracelet or one of the "chosen" being bought a charm by someone else? This is the unreasonable part to me, or is it a dripfeed that they invented them?

Yes, of course someone should buy SD one, but your family shouldn't be involved.

Agree. It's all bloody over the top. A nice tradition yes but to be upset if someone else bought a charm? Madness.

Muffinmam · 12/07/2025 14:17

You and your boyfriend can do this for her so that she doesn’t feel left out. You can start at her next birthday or Christmas - whichever is sooner.

Don’t overthink this.

Twelftytwo · 12/07/2025 14:16

Your family don't have the monopoly on charm bracelets, if she'd like one just you/her dad get her one, doesn't have to be the same type.

Original poster
Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 14:14

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 12/07/2025 12:52

Are charms particularly expensive?

It does sound like your family, or maybe mostly your mum has a kind of weird possessive attitude around the tradition and maybe being brought up around this attitude has caused you to overthink the whole thing?

I'd just get SD a bracelet and a couple of charms for the next special occasion, it'll make her happy and feel like part of the family. I can't personally see a downside to it at all.

Are there any plans for you and DP to marry? If that's happening maybe getting the family on board with her joining the tradition would be easier? Also could be a nice bridesmaid gift to welcome her to the family if you were inclined to do so.

The bracelets themselves are quite expensive, for my daughter and my niece approx £800. The charms vary depending on what the charm is but generally £100-300

i know everyone is saying my family doesn't have a monopoly on charm brackets (and I agree!) but they aren't just like the Pandora ones you see around everywhere.

my mum can be quite difficult. When my daughter's father suggested he buy DD a charm one year she was very upset by this as she believes strongly that only people on the maternal side should be involved in getting the bracelet / charms. It's difficult to explain but I think she would be unhappy about SD getting one as she's not linked by blood (not saying I agree with this because I absolutely don't, just saying how my mum thinks)

I think people are right, she's just a little girl who sees her step sister getting a bracelet and she wants one too, and why shouldn't she. I'll speak to my partner about sorting this out, she shouldn't feel excluded.

OP posts:
MoggiMay · 12/07/2025 14:14

You sound like an absolutely wonderful step mum, and I think your SD would really really love it. 🥰

Tortielady · 12/07/2025 14:09

@Aygbskxkdnd your DM can try to gatekeep all she likes, but giving charm bracelets and the individual charms is a tradition that goes back thousands of years and has its roots in many ethnic and religious groups. And as pps have said, charm bracelets keep Pandora in business.

If your SD would like a bracelet, get her one and she can have the fun of collecting the charms. From your point of view, you'll have at least one thing ticked off her birthday/Christmas/other festival list for as long as she wants them.

Some groups believe that charms ward off the evil eye, various misfortunes etc. I wonder if that includes ill-natured relatives who can't resist telling other people how to live? 😁

beachcitygirl · 12/07/2025 14:06

Get her one now and start a new tradition with her. Lovely thing to do

JustMyView13 · 12/07/2025 14:05

Willowskyblue · 12/07/2025 12:25

I think just start your own charm tradition for her and not involve your family.

This.
Plus, surely your family realise that plenty of other people do similar traditions?

Anyway, it’s ok to start your own traditions with your blended family. I’d be more concerned at SD feeling left out than I would be offending family about extending your love & generosity across your blended family.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 12/07/2025 13:58

Just buy one for her (you and partner)

InterIgnis · 12/07/2025 13:56

I can only see there being an issue if you connected getting your SD one as part of your family tradition and involving your family, i.e told your SD it’s from your family and/or insisted your mother must now consider your SD her granddaughter and treat her as one when it comes to buying charms.

If you want to get her one then do, but as a gift from you and her father.

TheCurious0range · 12/07/2025 13:54

This sounds lovely OP I'd get her a bracelet and as many charms as years you've known her then you and her dad and half sister can choose them each year for the future. It's a record of your relationship with her

LBFseBrom · 12/07/2025 13:52

SpringHasSprungGrassIsRizIWonder · 12/07/2025 12:28

I think this is thoughtful and kind.

It shows you value her and see her as part of your family.

I think she would be delighted, at that age the bracelet even without the thought behind it would be gratefully relieved.

In years to come, if you are together for the long haul, it will become treasured.

Go for it!

I agree.

NightPuffins · 12/07/2025 13:52

It sounds like this bracelet started off as a lovely meaningful gift with family history, but is evolving into something unnecessarily “precious” (precious, not in a good way!).

The idea that your mum would be upset if your daughter was given a charm by someone else, or that she would be upset if you included your step-daughter in the tradition, it’s just silly and selfish. Would she really be upset? Or is it you projecting that she might?

If your daughter was given a charm by her paternal family, surely it’s her choice whether to add it to the bracelet and make that “her whole family” treasure, or whether to keep the bracelet as a maternal family thing and wear the other charm separately.

Regarding your step-daughter. If this is genuinely a family tradition, and not your mother’s/grandmother’s tradition, then you should be able to carry it on yourself. If you consider your step-daughter your family then it would be special to include her. You don’t need to backdate it. Get her the bracelet and a charm next birthday, then get a charm every year until she’s 18. That represents the time you and she have been family. The rest of your family can be involved, or not, that’s their choice. Doesn’t need to be hard feelings either way.

Pinty · 12/07/2025 13:51

I don't see why you shouldn't do it and I don't see why your mother should be upset by it.
People other than your family can buy charm bracelets and have traditions.