Should we get SD one aswell?

Yes, of course get her one. Your family doesn't need to be involved if they don't want to be and have zero right to an opinion either way. It's not like they own the concept of a charm bracelet (honestly, they sound incredibly precious about the tradition anyway... why on earth would they be upset if your dad paternal family bought her a charm? What about if her future partner, or a good friend bought one for her and she loved it? It's her jewellery to wear how she likes).

Absolutely get her one. A small act of kindness that will make her feel that she is valued and included. If your family have any issue with this it’s their problem and frankly twisted.

Of course I do. It was a way of affirming whether this was the norm or not.

I agree with PPs. Maybe her dad can buy her a different type of (cheaper) charm bracelet and you don’t need to get your family involved at all, especially with your mother’s strong feelings!

I'm intrigued. Can we see what the bracelet & charms look like as I can only envisage Pandora type stuff?

Firstly, why does your mum need to be involved at all? Secondly, why is there such a big palaver about these bracelets to spark the little girl feeling left out? It does sound thoughtless discussing something which deliberately excludes her in front of the poor little girl.

Can't you just find something similar but different as an ongoing gift for both your DD and your partner's DD?

Tbh I probably wouldn’t do this. Encourage her father to start a tradition with her, sure, but you know this particular one, with this particular brand of bracelet, has a very deep sentimental meaning in your family, and that’s an emotional element that is worth considering. It’s all well and good saying that it shouldn’t matter to your mother and that she’ll have to get over it, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter to her, or that she would get over it.

IMO it’s not worth opening the can of worms you know it will likely open, and end up with a sweet tradition becoming a source of contention and bad feeling.

Yes you should include her. Your family has no right to be offended really. My step mum and her family always included me and my siblings in their traditions and we really appreciated it. Now I’m an adult with my own family I see my step mum as my children’s extra grandparent, even if she split with my Dad I would still see her. If you want a good relationship with her long term, you need to include her. Also, she will probably get more difficult when she’s a teen so now’s a good time to secure a good foundation.

Cool tradition, I really like that it’s super cute!

The charm bracelet tradition you describe isn't owned by your family. Loads of people do stuff like this. I dont see how your mother can object or why you should pay her any attention if she does. It's a lovely gesture you are making.

Of course you haven’t deprived your 9-year-old! Surely you know that?

OP I love this tradition, it sounds great, but not the possessive, exclusive nature of it from your wider family.

Re your SD this is such an easy thing which will make her happy, and it’s also in my opinion the right thing to do in the context of being part of the family. I don’t see why you wouldn’t just go ahead, Easy wins like this are very hard to come by!

Start your tradition and maybe you and your daughters and partner can give her charms ? That’s what I would do

I think it’s it’s something that’s going to cause resentment and make her feel excluded to not have one then yes I’d get her one. You don’t even have to mention it to your family. It’s none of their business if you want to buy a bracelet for your SD.

Just buy her the bracelet, from you or you and her father. Dont involve your own wider family.

I the same vein, are you not overstepping not allowing your SIL to buy her own child’s bracelet? And you’re going to spend £300 a year on your niece?

I'm quite shocked that your 7 year old daughter walks around with such an expensive piece of jewellery. What happened to friendship bracelets or beads. I think that's a bit ludicrous, I can't get my head round such a young child having a bracelet worth thousands. Does she wear it all the time or is it put away for special occasions? Is this the norm? Have I deprived my 9 year old?

Yes you should get his girls a charm bracelet aswell.

doing something similar and nice for them doesn’t detract from how special a tradition is to you/your relatives.

This and include her birth father in choosing and buying it.

As an aside, I would say do consider how your daughter may feel here. If she values it as a special mother-daughter-grandmother tradition then she may not feel comfortable with including your SD in that.

Could you tell us more about this important family tradition? Who has your great grandmother's charm bracelet now?

I'm torn between thinking it's a really lovely tradition and a bit shocked at the expense and feeling "tied" in to this one form of birthday present. Sometimes it's nice to share an experience instead, especially as kids get too old for toys.

Yes do this buy it for her birthday it doesn't have to be the same as the other girls but along the same lines. She probably just want to feel she "belongs"

I think it'd be really sweet if you got her one

@Aygbskxkdnd Good move OP.
You sound like a lovely SM.

Oh stop being so bloody ridiculous. What is this obsession that some ppl have regarding not doing anyting for a step child or its the actual parents responsibility. You buy bloody gifts for strangers kids let alone the daughter of the man your serious about. Its just a bloody bracelet not 10 bars of gold.