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Original poster

Should we get SD one aswell?

167 replies

Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 12:23

would appreciate some insight from people here, especially those who have blended families

in my family it is tradition that all the girls get a charm bracelet, the bracelet when they are born and then a charm every year until they are 18. It's really special and I treasure my bracelet.

the tradition is very much my family's doing e.g. when I was with my ex and had my DD he and his family were not involved with buying the bracelet or any charms. It was all done between myself, my mum, my grandma. My family would feel very upset if my DD's paternal family tried to be involved in this e.g if they bought her a charm.

my daughter (7) has a bracelet with charms and my brother and his wife are pregnant with a little girl, so me and my mum have bought a bracelet for her.

sorry for all the context but I feel like it's important!

so, I have been in a relationship for a few years now with a man who has 3 children, two teen boys and a now 10 year old girl who I will call SD for ease although we are not married

SD has become aware of the girls getting bracelets (mostly due to my niece being due soon) and has seen my daughter's bracelet. She is obviously a little jealous and feeling left out which I totally get and I don't want her to feel upset about this

I am serious with her dad and I see us being together forever. Should we look to get her a bracelet too so she is included? I'm not sure how my family would feel, I doubt they'd object but I also don't think they'd be involved - it would be down to me and my partner to sort it all out and buy the charms etc. my mum can be difficult and potentially could get offended by us doing this.

but also this is a thing that is exclusively my side of the family tradition and I wouldn't want to overstep or anything by brining SD in to it.

any thoughts would be welcome!

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 12/07/2025 21:44

Solid gold charms and solid gold bracelet - probably a good investment for later life.

OP, what are your plans for the future with DP. If there is any possibility of you having a girl with him in the future, then it would be awkward if DSD had nothing, but her step-sister and half-sister did.

JSMill · 12/07/2025 21:36

I think that would be a really kind thing to do.

Laura95167 · 12/07/2025 21:30

Your mum sounds a bit insufferable - DDs dad's family weren't allowed to get her a charm?

Id include DSD

TheignT · 12/07/2025 21:21

Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 12:23

would appreciate some insight from people here, especially those who have blended families

in my family it is tradition that all the girls get a charm bracelet, the bracelet when they are born and then a charm every year until they are 18. It's really special and I treasure my bracelet.

the tradition is very much my family's doing e.g. when I was with my ex and had my DD he and his family were not involved with buying the bracelet or any charms. It was all done between myself, my mum, my grandma. My family would feel very upset if my DD's paternal family tried to be involved in this e.g if they bought her a charm.

my daughter (7) has a bracelet with charms and my brother and his wife are pregnant with a little girl, so me and my mum have bought a bracelet for her.

sorry for all the context but I feel like it's important!

so, I have been in a relationship for a few years now with a man who has 3 children, two teen boys and a now 10 year old girl who I will call SD for ease although we are not married

SD has become aware of the girls getting bracelets (mostly due to my niece being due soon) and has seen my daughter's bracelet. She is obviously a little jealous and feeling left out which I totally get and I don't want her to feel upset about this

I am serious with her dad and I see us being together forever. Should we look to get her a bracelet too so she is included? I'm not sure how my family would feel, I doubt they'd object but I also don't think they'd be involved - it would be down to me and my partner to sort it all out and buy the charms etc. my mum can be difficult and potentially could get offended by us doing this.

but also this is a thing that is exclusively my side of the family tradition and I wouldn't want to overstep or anything by brining SD in to it.

any thoughts would be welcome!

Well it isn't exclusively your family tradition, my family do it and offhand I know two other families that do it. I think it would be ridiculous to not buy a child a present for this reason.

Incidentally my DD doesn't like hers and I think she might have sold it when she was getting a house deposit together. I won't ask as it's hers.

whynotmereally · 12/07/2025 21:14

You and your bf buy her a charm bracelet. It’s nothing to do with your family and they don’t have ownership over bracelets

whackamole666 · 12/07/2025 20:43

It's just a bracelet for a little girl. Buy her one and add charms for her birthday/Xmas.

Your mum and other female relatives don't need to be involved or informed. It's between you and SD. And her dad if he wants to be involved.

crumblingschools · 12/07/2025 20:20

When do they wear such an expensive piece of jewellery?

Itallcomesdowntothis · 12/07/2025 20:06

It’s a charm bracelet - millions of people have them and follow this tradition. It’s isn’t new or unique to your family (mine does it too) so your mum needs to relax.

Getting your SD one is nice and thoughtful. You are overthinking this - just do it.

Tinatubby73 · 12/07/2025 19:51

Yes go for it.

JLou08 · 12/07/2025 19:39

Your family sound possessive. It's crazy that they wouldn't have allowed your DDs paternal family buy a charm. They have no right to say SD can't have a charm bracelet. Buy her the bracelet, I don't know how anyone could begrudge making a 10 yo feel included.

Digdongdoo · 12/07/2025 19:35

I feel like you're really over egging these bracelets OP. It's just a charm bracelet, they or may not be special to your grown up children/nieces.
I'm getting the vibe that you don't really want DSD to have one... which is rather petty imo.

SUPerSaver721 · 12/07/2025 18:16

Your mum sounds like a dick. I would love to know how it works with your brothers baby as its only the maternal side allowed to buy and add to the bracelet. According to your mum. Your family is the paternal side to that baby. Are they allowed to buy and add to the braclet?

Notanothernamechange25 · 12/07/2025 18:12

Why don't you get your SD a Pandora bracelet? It doesn't have to be the same, expensive brand that you all have. It shows you value her and she has a charm bracelet to enjoy too. Don't even mention it to your family, it's nothing to do with them.

CornflowerDusk · 12/07/2025 18:11

Seagull5 · 12/07/2025 13:31

I'm sure there will be things your DD is jealous of with your step dd
You can't always make everything fair
And nor should you try to
Things like Christmas presents if they are together at Christmas they should open the same amount
When ever they are together try to treat the same .
Maybe only give your DD the charm when step dd is not there
But there is nothing stopping your boyfriend buying his daughter a bracelet and a charm each year if he chooses to.
But no I don't think you should ..
It's ok for your DD to have things that are special to her between your family and her .

I agree.

It's not on you to make everything the same, they won't be anyway. It's okay for your DC to have a tradition on your side where SD probably has some on her mum's side.

I'm not saying don't get her nice things, just don't rush to fix any differences as there will be differences and that's not always bad.

Original poster
Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 18:08

Arran2024 · 12/07/2025 16:25

I went to Canada to visit relatives when I was 10 with my grandparents. My relatives bought me a silver charm bracelet and they all bought me a charm. Some represented their interests eg a girl water skiing (which caught on everything!), others chose ones of places we visited.

I loved it so much. It was really personal.

My girls have Pandora bracelets. Again, really personal to them. And one also has a Thomas Sabo, which is more tradional charms.

I think it's the meaning in the charms that matters.

I'm glad you understand, each charm is personal as it relates to an interest or hobby or somewhere we've been so it's very special

OP posts:
honeybeetheoneandonly · 12/07/2025 17:47

I would get her a bracelet and I would get her a charm for each year you have known her that is also meaningful to you in regards to her. What have you learned or experienced since you met her? I wouldn't even involve your DH in this. I would make this a family tradition for your female family members that she is now part of.

Arran2024 · 12/07/2025 16:25

I went to Canada to visit relatives when I was 10 with my grandparents. My relatives bought me a silver charm bracelet and they all bought me a charm. Some represented their interests eg a girl water skiing (which caught on everything!), others chose ones of places we visited.

I loved it so much. It was really personal.

My girls have Pandora bracelets. Again, really personal to them. And one also has a Thomas Sabo, which is more tradional charms.

I think it's the meaning in the charms that matters.

Scout2016 · 12/07/2025 16:19

Just seem she doesn't wear it. I am starting to feel this is more for the adults than the kids to be honest. Don't be too upset of she doesn't treasure it the way you have yours OP, there's a lot of projecting going on here. She'll be well aware how much it means to you and other female relatives but will have her own views.

Scout2016 · 12/07/2025 16:16

That's a nuts amount of money for a child's bracelet. I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing that out but equally I wouldn't want to tell my child she can't wear her jewellery out the house either.

I'm really interested in the idea of this though. Do they chose their own charm each year?

Devil's advocate- what would SD's mum think of it?
What would your daughter think of it? Would it take the shine off her bracelet? I am maybe not very nice but when I have had something special to me it has stung the couple of times my sister has been given the same too.

I hate to say it but I think if me or my sister had had jewellery worth that much aged 18 we might have sold it when on stony times. Regretted it I'm sure but young people don't always have foresight.

Original poster
Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 16:12

DrowningInSyrup · 12/07/2025 15:04

I'm quite shocked that your 7 year old daughter walks around with such an expensive piece of jewellery. What happened to friendship bracelets or beads. I think that's a bit ludicrous, I can't get my head round such a young child having a bracelet worth thousands. Does she wear it all the time or is it put away for special occasions? Is this the norm? Have I deprived my 9 year old?

She doesn't wear it outside. It's an adults bracelet so it's far too big for her, it's really for when she's grown up but she gets to look at it and wear it at home but it's mainly put away for her. She understands it's not a toy to play with.
she has beads and friendship bracelets for now of course they are age appropriate

OP posts:
Original poster
Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 16:07

RandalsAunty · 12/07/2025 15:53

I’m intrigued to see this bracelet?! I’m assuming charms are with solid gold / precious stones to cost £300?!

Yes the bracelet and charms are solid gold

£300 is the max paid for a charm, that's not ever single one. Most are between £100-150

OP posts:
Inapickle3012 · 12/07/2025 16:02

Your mom doesn’t get to decide who can and can’t have a charm bracelet, it’s spiteful if she takes it as anything but a lovely gesture

RandalsAunty · 12/07/2025 15:53

I’m intrigued to see this bracelet?! I’m assuming charms are with solid gold / precious stones to cost £300?!

WearyAuldWumman · 12/07/2025 15:49

Willowskyblue · 12/07/2025 12:25

I think just start your own charm tradition for her and not involve your family.

Yup.

The tradition on my side of the family was that granny bought the first kilt for a child. There was no such tradition on my late husband's side of the family, so when I bought a kilt for the SGD, I just framed it as being a present - didn't mention anything about family tradition (although my husband knew).

I didn't buy my family's tartan - I chose DH's late mother's clan tartan.

viques · 12/07/2025 15:45

Dearover · 12/07/2025 15:34

I'm intrigued. Can we see what the bracelet & charms look like as I can only envisage Pandora type stuff?

Firstly, why does your mum need to be involved at all? Secondly, why is there such a big palaver about these bracelets to spark the little girl feeling left out? It does sound thoughtless discussing something which deliberately excludes her in front of the poor little girl.

Can't you just find something similar but different as an ongoing gift for both your DD and your partner's DD?

Look in any second hand jewellers shop and you will see loads of charm bracelets! They only really have meaning for the person they belong to, and sadly when that person grows up/ loses interest / dies the bracelet loses its sentimental value and is only worth the metal it is made from.