Wwyd

I understand your frustration, but try to reframe it so it doesn't eat away at you.

I don't see it as favouritism, I see it as parents making allowances so that their grandchildren can go on a nice holiday. Your sister and her partner have made (bad) life choices, but those children didn't and don't have a say in anything. They would not be able to afford a holiday without the kindness of your parents (and you are still saving too!) so think of the happy memories your nieces/nephews will have.

If your parents could afford it I'm sure they wouldn't take money from you either.

I've thought about what I would do in their situation if it was my child/grandchild, and I think I would do exactly the same as they do. And explain to any other child my reasons. But I really don't think if one could afford it and my grandchilden couldn't, they wouldn't have an issue because they're innocent.

If it was only an adult child without children I would expect some contribution, even if it was slightly smaller, because they have chosen not to support themselves.

Excellent point. What do you suggests she does with the other seven surplus kids now?

How much “contribution” are we talking?

I'd just find somewhere else to go on holiday. They aren't going to treat you equally, and if you push there will be fallings out.

Funny as I was just thinking MN was abused by people who fabricate or over-exaggerate!

The UC system doesn’t work that way though. If they aren’t applying for jobs then they won’t get the money. I’d be interested to find out how/why they are receiving benefits

If you are happy to pay your way you wouldn’t have started this thread.

I’m so glad I’m not in the UK when I read these things. People who get away with not working, have 6 kids and on benefits.
What a country.

I’d ask your parents, but the answer will be you can afford it and the poor mites can’t.

Oh and here we go. If it wasn't just the benefits bashing thread, someone just had to throw in the disability bashing aspect since it was nowhere in eveidence already.

These boards are abused by a lot of people who fabricate or over-exaggerate what a wonderful life being on benefits is, or how great a disabiity is.

This
And surely they have to prove that they’re actually applying for jobs?……isn’t that part of the UC criteria?

The only sensible reply. Unless you don’t like your sister anyway, it sounds like you’re breaking up the family over money. Sad.

Assuming they have pre school kids or live in a country that doesn’t fine, term time easyJet or Ryanair flights to Spain could be as low as £30-40. My SILs parents had a holiday home there for years, their record flight low was £19.99 per person.

Well great. Dsis has plenty of time on her hands. Dps want favours send them her way. You are too busy raising your dc and working.

As hard as it would be, I'd try to stop letting my sister live rent free in my head, as well as my parent's holiday home.

I'd be upset too, purely because they aren't being consistent between siblings.

PIL never asked us for a contribution when we visited them in Spain, but we were visiting them rather than having the place to ourselves. It was a family holiday and we included them in everything. We bought all food while we were there and did the bulk of the cooking. I also cleaned the house from top to bottom the day before we left.

I don't think BIL did the same on the couple of times he went but the relationship was different.

We weren't concerned because the holiday was how we wanted it.

You chose to have 8 kids, no one needs these large families. It’s destructive to the planet and selfish.

I wonder how your parents, who presumably worked hard and earned enough money for afford a second home abroad, feel about having a daughter who refuses to work, lives on benefits and has six kids.

We have a similar situation with my DH’s brother & wife.

We stepped away from family things as we were expected to pay our share but they get it all for free.
They have ‘no money’ but 2 Mercedes, designer clothing, nails & toes done, £2k new garden furniture set etc. they rinse my in laws for loads of free childcare too.

we couldn’t reconcile the fact we had to pay they they didn’t & my MIL won’t discuss it. So we swerve family gatherings to avoid me having a glass of wine & starting a fight…

OP you don't sound like you actually know why neither of them works, I'm guessing one is maybe at home with the children, but if so how do you know the other one isn't looking for work? Do they have any illness/disabilities? I get how annoying this must be (and I do think they should be contributing whatever they can towards the holidays), but are you just speculating that they've no interest in working or is it definitely the case? It would be hard to manage such a big family solely from benefits, I can't imagine many people would actively choose it.

Yes but if you had an opportunity for a free one would you take it? I would! And I’d hate for my sister to think I shouldn’t.

UC is an in work benefit so I don’t understand how neither of them work.

YANBU to be miffed though, parents should let you both go free once- if it’s more often then a contribution should be made perhaps as that’s fair.

I can see why you'd feel that this was unfair, but I'd probably just let it go, especially if you can afford to pay the contribution.

It can be hard sometimes for parents to be fair to their kids. My in-laws spent thousands on my DH's brother and his family, they had kids very young, and needed the help - the in-laws paid fuel bills, often bought shopping, sometimes helped with rent, did childcare almost full time, they took them on holiday to Florida and Tenerife. They gave us nothing, because we didn't need it.

But my DH decided years ago to let it go. Was it fair? - probably not. But did it matter? - not really.

Your first post says that you expect and want to contribute to costs ; it's fair and reasonable. As a separate issue, your sister doesn't expect or want to pay and for whatever reason your parents haven't asked her to. It's not your business really. You are doing the right thing which is what matters.

I’d pay.
Providing it’s not bankrupting you, and if it is I wouldn’t go.
I suspect what you do pay is less than it would cost to go elsewhere, and you make some great memories whilst you’re there.
It’s shitty that your DS doesn’t pay, and doesn’t get pressured to. But that’s a reflection on her, and your parents.
You can still do right by them, knowing you didn’t take the piss.

Unless you’d rather spend the money going elsewhere, I wouldn’t cut my nose to spite my face. I think you can make yourself miserable thinking about the ‘fairness’ of things in life.

If they have no medical conditions/disabilities or very young children the only way they will get universal credit is by evidencing they are looking for work, applying and interviewing for jobs. If they don't it gets stopped so sounds like there is more to this than you know