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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at my friend ordering food for me?

240 replies

Imdunfer · 12/07/2025 09:12

First occasion we agreed to meet friends at a restaurant and we turned up bang on time, to find that the husband had already ordered garlic pizza as a starter and expected us all to share it and not order starters of our own.

I particularly wanted a starter that's unique to that restaurant, and had been looking forward to it all day, and had to really stick to my guns as the husband tried to bully me into sharing the starter I didn't want.

I thought it was the husband and when we met without him there I asked what was going on with "Fred" ordering for us and she said it was just him. But it happened again recently so I'm not so sure.

Second occasion I was 10 minutes late to lunch with the wife but had texted ahead to apologise. This was the first time I have ever been late meeting her in 25 years. She had already ordered what I usually, but not always, eat and drink. It was 12.40, I hadn't made her desperately late getting lunch and she's not diabetic or anything else that would need her to eat at a particular time to within 10 minutes.

In both situations, the bill is split with each pair/ person paying half.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? Is this some kind of weird power play, or what?
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OP posts:
ChocolateEarlGrey · 12/07/2025 10:10

Actually they’re not American are they? I heard that in America there’s a thing of letting men order for you. Ugh

ChocolateEarlGrey · 12/07/2025 10:10

This would annoy the crap out of me. The act is choosing what to order is a big part of the joy of eating out.

Tennislives · 12/07/2025 10:04

Very strange behaviour.
Can't fathom a person ordering for another person without being asked.
Spell it out NOT to do it for you before you agree to meet.
I consider such behaviour rude and presumptuous.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/07/2025 10:04

"I get annoyed by lateness too but it was ten minutes and OP has explained the first time in decades."

Exactly. If a friend is 20 to 30 minutes late, I send them a photo of the menu so we can potentially order for them if necessary. 10 minutes is nothing.

Katherine9 · 12/07/2025 10:03

Might there be a confusion over getting there 'on time'? might they think the agreement is to arrive before the stated time so that food ordering can be done at the stated time?

Gwenhwyfar · 12/07/2025 10:03

GoneGirl12345 · 12/07/2025 09:28

In the 1st example, I don't understand why it was a big deal. I would have just said "garlic pizza bread sounds good, I'll try a bit and I'm also going to order the bruschetta as I really fancy that".

Why was it such a fuss?

Second example, if I really didn't want whatever she ordered for me, I'd have asked the waiter to cancel it and ordered what I wanted.

And yeah, just say, no need to order for me, thanks.

I've had people in the past, well not people, men, order very expensive wine when I just wanted the house wine and then expected everyone to pay for it. It's not on.

sonjadog · 12/07/2025 10:02

It sounds like a weird thing they do in their family and hasn’t occurred to them is not common. Did you say anything to her the second time? In future, I would tell her directly not to order for you if you are late.

Katherine9 · 12/07/2025 10:01

SprayWhiteDung · 12/07/2025 09:17

That is quite controlling.

And enough of their "Oh, that's just how Fred is" - as if the poor lamb simply can't help choosing to ignore other people's obvious boundaries.

But if he doesn't respect friends' boundaries, he probably doesn't respect his wife's either.

DiggingHoles · 12/07/2025 10:00

WildfirePonie · 12/07/2025 09:47

Order your own food when you get there. Let the friend pay for the meal she ordered. Make it her problem. It won't happen again!

I think this is the best advice so far.

Don't make other people's choices your problem, leave them to it and do your own thing

latetothefisting · 12/07/2025 10:00

Coconutter24 · 12/07/2025 09:48

Not saying I agree with them ordering but being on time would sort it. They could text OP but they didn’t so OP has to do something to make sure it doesn’t happen

Have you never been late to anything, ever?
I get annoyed by lateness too but it was ten minutes and OP has explained the first time in decades.

Why are people focusing on that in some desperate way of blaming op? Its one if the most annoying features on mn.

No matter how late someone has been I've never suggested ordering for them without asking them what they want!
If I was so incredibly hungry I literally couldn't wait another few minutes the most I'd do is order for myself.

PlioTalk · 12/07/2025 10:00

SprayWhiteDung · 12/07/2025 09:17

That is quite controlling.

And enough of their "Oh, that's just how Fred is" - as if the poor lamb simply can't help choosing to ignore other people's obvious boundaries.

I've always HATED the "Oh, that's just how Fred is" thing. It's almost always used to excuse shitty behaviour.

IOweMySanityToBasilParsley · 12/07/2025 09:59

Get there earlier next time and order food for them. See how normal they think it is then 🤷🏻‍♀️

SENNeeds2 · 12/07/2025 09:55

garlic pizza is effectively like ordering bread so would not concern me - as long as he did not say you could no longer have the starter you wanted.

ordering your lunch is weird but you've known her for 25 years so she prob thought she was helping you - I find it more weird that after 25 years of friendship you don't just tell her not to repeat you post on an international forum ... I mean 25 years that's huge! You must be close like family by now.

chunkybear · 12/07/2025 09:53

I'd call the waiter over and cancel the order! This would really irk me! I'm fussy and have to consider what i fancy, so it would piss me royally off! Next time you meet them send an instruction not to order for you

Coconutter24 · 12/07/2025 09:52

Imdunfer · 12/07/2025 09:39

The first time, we did, read the post? This is them, not me. I couldn't help the lunch date, I was stuck at a medical appointment that ran over. I have psychological problems with turning up late anywhere, it almost never happens. I spend a lot of time sitting in car parks and waiting rooms because I'm always early so as not to be late.

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Did you call the waiter over and ask to add X dish to the starters?

SagittariusDwarf · 12/07/2025 09:50

Oblomov25 · 12/07/2025 09:42

Why on earth don't you just say something. Why are you such a doormat?

Exactly this!!

Coconutter24 · 12/07/2025 09:48

BunnyLake · 12/07/2025 09:36

They could have texted her to ask. It’s weird end of. OP isn’t a child (even my children got to choose what they wanted).

Not saying I agree with them ordering but being on time would sort it. They could text OP but they didn’t so OP has to do something to make sure it doesn’t happen

Shellyash · 12/07/2025 09:48

Sounds like you've not many real life problems if you really think this is an issue.

WildfirePonie · 12/07/2025 09:47

Order your own food when you get there. Let the friend pay for the meal she ordered. Make it her problem. It won't happen again!

Zonder · 12/07/2025 09:45

Next time I would text en route and say "I'm on my way, if you're there before me please don't order for me so that I can make my own choice. See you soon!"

Oblomov25 · 12/07/2025 09:44

Or immediate say to the waiter, has my food been cooked / started yet, because my friend accidentally ordered A and I'd actually like B. If he can't change it so be it, but at least you'd asked.

Oblomov25 · 12/07/2025 09:42

Why on earth don't you just say something. Why are you such a doormat?

BunnyLake · 12/07/2025 09:40

Imdunfer · 12/07/2025 09:35

You can't cancel an order that is already in preparation in the kitchen.

In the first example, why should I pander to someone else's ego (and this guy does have form for "teasing" (ie mental bullying), females and psychologically weaker men) by pretending to welcome stuff I don't want to eat or actually eat stuff I don't want to eat?

Be blunt with him if there’s a next time. He sounds an utter twat. And yes tell your friend not to order for you again, before her husband’s arrogance rubs off on her.

MsJemimaPuddleDuck · 12/07/2025 09:39

I would just tell her next time when you agree to meeting up for food “please dont order for me this time, ill order for myself when i get there :)” and if they do it again just dont meet up when theres food involved.
the first time is very strange!

Imdunfer · 12/07/2025 09:39

Coconutter24 · 12/07/2025 09:32

If you turned up on time they wouldn’t have the chance to order for you

The first time, we did, read the post? This is them, not me. I couldn't help the lunch date, I was stuck at a medical appointment that ran over. I have psychological problems with turning up late anywhere, it almost never happens. I spend a lot of time sitting in car parks and waiting rooms because I'm always early so as not to be late.

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OP posts:
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