To be annoyed at my friend ordering food for me?

Would annoy me too - If I am late meeting someone I have sometimes said ‘if you want to order coffees while I park up, I’ll have a cappucino’ or offered to get an order in if the other person is late, but I’d never do it without being asked/checking first.

In your case I’d state very clearly when arranging to meet up - pls do NOT order for us ahead of our arrival. We will choose when we get there.

@BunnyLake yes and at that very time, tell them! Now a non-issue? 😄

is this some kind of weird power play, or what?

Only on mumsnet

OP, let me guess, you know quite a few narcissists?.

@Shellyash ,but you have. Take a long hard look at yourself, and ask yourself if your reply to OP was helpful.

@Coconutter24

oh get a grip, she was late by ten minute for the first time in 25 years. Her mate isn’t gonna keel over if she doesn’t get food in her gob ten minutes later than she thought she would.

Are you actually saying this is somehow OPs fault?

I think people are being a bit harsh here. It is not normal to meet a guy who behaves like this. This is not an OP issue. This guy is controlling and as OP said psychologically bullies others. I guarantee most, ordinary polite people would genuinely have an issue with standing up to someone like this in a nice public setting like a restaurant when presented with a scenario like this. Most of us are hardwired to keep the peace and these types are very adept at manipulating others into feeling they are the ones being 'unreasonable' and 'causing drama'. From what you describe, OP I'd probably fade them both. Her as well as she is choosing to be with someone who sounds openly nasty and you will increasingly find that they come as a pair.
N.B. I am an introvert with a VERY low tolerance for other people impinging on me

In the first example, why should I pander to someone else's ego (and this guy does have form for "teasing" (ie mental bullying), females and psychologically weaker men) by pretending to welcome stuff I don't want to eat or actually eat stuff I don't want to eat?

You shouldn’t. And just say that. Just say “oh I don’t fancy the garlic bread, I’m getting xxx” and then just don’t pay your share of the garlic bread (if he asks you to when the bill comes, say “no, I didn’t order or eat it, not sure why I’d pay for it”) and just pay for your own food.

I’d hate that!!

Even if I actually wanted what they had ordered this would annoy me so much I wouldn't want to eat it!
No one has ever ordered for me, it's not normal whether you're late or not.

Ten minutes late is nothing. It's really rude to order food for other people without checking what they want. And as OP has said, her friend wasn't on a tight schedule. The friend and particularly the husband are overbearing and controlling.

They’d already done it though. Next time (if there is one) OP can say not to do it.

But OP said he did, he tried to block her getting what she wanted because he wanted her to pay for quarter of his chosen starter.

You could say that about loads of posts on Mumsnet. What sort of problems meet your criteria for posting on here?

Hi @Imdunfer
YABU - this is a non issue. You make a request, as friend and adult, that they dont order for you because you dont know what you fancy eating/want to look at the options. End of story?

I can't see how these people are friends if you are (mentally) bullied by him and you can't ask your friend to either order hers, hang on and wait (or at least phone/text you for your preference!)

It is all very odd

Yes that’s odd and would grate on me too Op!!
I think you just have to be clear before hand that ordering is part of the fun for you. Then go deaf to their protests and go ahead and order what you really want.

A relative ordered for me once. They were senior and paying so I sucked it up but I was still an adult (in my 20s), thirty years later I can still feel irritated by it.

where did you hear that?

I would bloody hate that. I would have said firmly "oh that's not what I wanted" and ordered my own starter and pointedly not had any of the one I hadn't chosen.

I even hate it when someone tries to give my order to the waiter. My husband used to do that (his ex wife used to like him to order as she "felt like a lady" <boak>) which I firmly objected to. I'm a grown adult and I can speak for myself.

Occasionally someone might mean to be helpful, particularly if you're running late. I've ordered for a friend in that situation but only after I've texted her and given her the menu options so she can let me know what she wants. Everyone has a mobile phone these days, it's not difficult!

Your friends seem controlling.

I don't understand the diabetic comment, it doesn't make people weird/rude.

Type 1 runs in my family and no one orders for others. There are time when people have to get something urgently but its only for themselves. Its also usually a drink in an emergency as food takes too long. Showing up 10 minute late and seeing someone has had a drink is not strange though.

If blood sugar drops drastically a sugar drink is usually only a minute or so away but food in a restaurant could take 10 minutes or an hour. Also they carry things like dextro for absolute emergencies.

I would never order for a friend, maybe for my kids but not even my DH (I would check what he wants first).

well the first time you say "thanks but I will have xxx for starter, you call the server and order what you want.
The second time this
WildfirePonie · Today 09:47
"Order your own food when you get there. Let the friend pay for the meal she ordered. Make it her problem. It won't happen again!"

I’d be saying ‘no thanks’ to the food they ordered and let them pay for it. You order and pay for what you actually want.

Surely you are capable of recognising that adults can sometimes run late for things? OP states this was a one off.

Do you always order for people you meet too?

🤨