Page 2 | New to child maintenance

Original poster

BeBusyHelper · 12/07/2025 10:19

BeBusyHelper · 12/07/2025 08:39

Hi all just a quick question

just applied for CMS and I’ve just got a message saying that I will receive £212 per month for one child. The father of my child we have split apart his head of year in London non-teaching role and I believe that he gets paid more than what he does. He only has a child for one night he doesn’t pay for any expenses like school clothing or anything or things she really needs. I pay for all her activities. I believe he has no bills to pay because he lives with his mother, i.e. mortgage he does not drive. she spent one night with him on the weekend and he phones her when he feels like it. It could be weeks most of the time I see on their stories that is our party and everything so how can I go by that they are paying the right amount if he’s expenses ain’t calculate him right?

question is do you think I am getting enough money for my daughter per month?

Thank you all for your input, it has helped me out and now I have an understanding of it all.

OP posts:

Needlenardlenoo · 12/07/2025 10:16

We've got non teaching support HoY roles in every year 7 to 13.

Michele09 · 12/07/2025 10:11

RhaenysRocks · 12/07/2025 10:07

HoY is not a support role in all schools. In the schools I've worked in it's a teacher with extra responsibility points and a slightly reduced timetable..

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The OP said he is hoy in a non teaching role. Maybe it is a very large school. I haven't ever encountered this as a non teaching role but maybe more common in London.

ObliviousCoalmine · 12/07/2025 10:09

I get slightly more than that only by about £30 but with no overnights/he doesn’t see her more than her popping over for an hour once or twice a month.

Usernamenotavailable19 · 12/07/2025 10:07

The £212 will be his contribution though, cms have calculated that is the monthly amount he will owe you. He doesn’t need to pay you anything else on top of this.
Whether he pays bills or not or runs a car is irrelevant

RhaenysRocks · 12/07/2025 10:07

alexalisten · 12/07/2025 09:51

He's not going to be earning much as support staff in a school.

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HoY is not a support role in all schools. In the schools I've worked in it's a teacher with extra responsibility points and a slightly reduced timetable..

Needlenardlenoo · 12/07/2025 10:05

Given that his take home is likely to be around the £2k mark, paying £700 was about a third of his salary. It actually makes me wonder if his mum was contributing to nursery costs.

Tbf I don't think most people outside the profession are aware of the pay differential between teaching staff and support staff.

alexalisten · 12/07/2025 09:51

grumpyoldeyeore · 12/07/2025 09:49

It sounds low i get about that for 1 child and exH earns c£26-30k and does 2/7 nights. Either he earns less than you think or is overpaying pension or the number of nights he is claiming is wrong or he has another child. You can query it and have it checked again but if he’s on PAYE it should be accurate.

He's not going to be earning much as support staff in a school.

grumpyoldeyeore · 12/07/2025 09:49

It sounds low i get about that for 1 child and exH earns c£26-30k and does 2/7 nights. Either he earns less than you think or is overpaying pension or the number of nights he is claiming is wrong or he has another child. You can query it and have it checked again but if he’s on PAYE it should be accurate.

Shnuzzbucket · 12/07/2025 09:47

He can't do the school run as he is at the school doing his job.

Do you work?

RhaenysRocks · 12/07/2025 09:45

BeBusyHelper · 12/07/2025 09:34

But he can take days off to go to weddings, ect book week off just go on holiday with the boys. But not able to take her to school and pick her up.or when she stays there he go out doesn’t come back till the morning. Leaving her with his mum. He can do a lot more if he wants too but chooses not too.

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Not in any school I ever worked in can you have a day off for weddings and accompanying a school trip is not time off. It's a totally different thing. Don't disappear down a rabbit hole on this. He's fundamentally not interested and you can't make him be. It's really sad but there it is. Make your relationship with your dd amazing, try and give her access to experiences and other good males, uncles, granddads if possible and ignore him as much as possible.

PinkFrogss · 12/07/2025 09:43

Like others have said it’s shit but there’s nothing you can do except make your peace with it.

The calculation sounds about right, it doesn’t sound like he’s on teachers terms and conditions if he’s able to take leave, and support staff salary is generally lower. He presumably works term time only so can you try to get him to have DC more in the holidays?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/07/2025 09:38

It sounds about right to be honest. It doesn’t matter what his outgoings are

Original poster

BeBusyHelper · 12/07/2025 09:35

BeBusyHelper · 12/07/2025 09:28

I think the same thing every day

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He more interested in his pupils than his child

OP posts:

Original poster

BeBusyHelper · 12/07/2025 09:34

Dontwanttobeanebsnamum · 12/07/2025 09:06

If he is teaching full time then he won’t be able to take her school unless you mean take her to wrap around care.

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But he can take days off to go to weddings, ect book week off just go on holiday with the boys. But not able to take her to school and pick her up.or when she stays there he go out doesn’t come back till the morning. Leaving her with his mum. He can do a lot more if he wants too but chooses not too.

OP posts:

Needlenardlenoo · 12/07/2025 09:33

Do you earn anything yourself?

Original poster

BeBusyHelper · 12/07/2025 09:28

Michele09 · 12/07/2025 09:09

It seems odd that someone who has chosen a job devoted to the welfare of children shows so little interest in his own child.

I think the same thing every day

OP posts:

RhaenysRocks · 12/07/2025 09:20

Honestly op the beet advice I can give you is to make your peace with it. I've had this for ten years. If I ring fenced the CMS calculation of my salary and only spent that on the kids they'd have no hobbies, no outings, no laptops for school, no pocket money etc. I'd have a great life though. Eventually your child will come to realise how things stand. Mine are mid teens now and don't say much but they know the score with their dad and where his priorities are.

Michele09 · 12/07/2025 09:09

It seems odd that someone who has chosen a job devoted to the welfare of children shows so little interest in his own child.

Dontwanttobeanebsnamum · 12/07/2025 09:06

BeBusyHelper · 12/07/2025 08:57

It’s just frustrating that £212 is actually I asked him for more money but rather go out and play football and go clubbing instead so basically he has a Saturday night and Sunday but He leaves her at home while he goes out and plays football on Sunday. So he just has her on the weekend, but he’s not really there with her. He’s always out. He’ll put her to bed and then he’s gone out and leaves her with his mother. The plus side that he only lives 4 miles away and he wouldn’t even pick up his daughter from school or take her to school he doesn’t wanna during the week because it will affect his life.

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If he is teaching full time then he won’t be able to take her school unless you mean take her to wrap around care.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 12/07/2025 09:05

Because the nursery payment was extra believe it or not, and not obligatory. If the child isn't in nursery then that coat has gone.

Do you work around university?

deedeemeloy · 12/07/2025 09:05

CMS have calculated my ex husband should pay £29.30 for our 2 children a month. He is a builder earning £600+ a week but it’s obviously not going through the books. I’m on collect and pay and they still haven’t managed to get the £29.30 5 years later!

KittyPup · 12/07/2025 09:04

He is in a Head of Year pastoral role - not teaching, that is the key difference. Out of London, those roles are about 25k so I can believe it is no more than 36k in London.

Original poster

BeBusyHelper · 12/07/2025 09:02

RhaenysRocks · 12/07/2025 08:53

Do you not know roughly what he was earning? If so you can use the CMS online calculator. I'd say that's a little on the low side for a HoY salary London waiting too. The stuff about his bills etc are irrelevant for the purposes of CMS, unfair as that may be. It's purely on salary and nights spent with each parent. Get used to the fact that you will be spending a far greater proportion of your salary on the child than he will.

Ask politely how much he earns and he really said it’s none of your concern. I’ve looked online for head of year non-teaching role in London London and it’s saying roughly around about 32 to 36 year. So basically at the very start when my child was in nursery, we used to split the bill so he used to pay £500. I used to pay £500 plus he used to give me £200 on top for child maintenance now he only gives me £200 a month because obviously the child is not a nursery and does not need nursery care anymore so my point is if he could pay me £700 a month when the child is in nursery how can you only pay me £200 a month now?

OP posts:

Drowninginconfusion · 12/07/2025 09:00

It will be correct if he works in a school, no way to hide his income like some self employed people and they’ll have checked his payslips etc. it does sound about right although I agree it’s pitiful. Remember they can pay less by paying more into their pension (my ex did this) so it could be that but it’s perfectly legal although should be banned IMO if it’s obvious they only started doing this when a CMS claim was made.