Fighting with spouse over child spacing and our marriage

No I wouldn’t which is why I said she needs to decide if it’s what she wants. If it was me I wouldn’t be having another child even if her partner was perfect as I think she has a lot on her plate. But she is an adult and it’s her decision.

Ffs did you not read the post? Op has been left with a disability due to her last pregnancy and now her husband is pushing for another.

Christ sake- women aren't just baby machines you know

Would YOU have a baby with this man ? Talk about scraping the bottom on the barrel! He treats the OP like shit - read her posts.
Why would she want another one with him.

In your situation (health, relationship, partner prioritising working away over parenting and DC1 potentially having additional needs) it’d be unwise to ttc DC2, at all.

If you are "verbally abusive" to each other, you shouldn't be having any more children together. Ever.

If you are being verbally abusive towards each other I have to wonder what kind of relationship you have? I also wonder on the effect this is having on your daughter.

If your daughter is on the spectrum, then could you cope with two young children who both have autism? You’ll be raising them mostly on your own. You need to stop having sex if you don’t want to get pregnant and neither of you want to use protection. NFP doesn’t work.

Your health was badly effected by your last pregnancy and your gait/walking is effected. Your daughter is a toddler and she may have some additional needs. You have currently waiting for an appointment to have her accessed. Along with this your working full-time.

Then he is working away from home and only around a few days each month.
How many days a month is he left with his daughter on his own?
The next time he is home I book a few days away with a friend and let him look after his daughter with no help. Let him see what she is like on a daily basis.

It's not just about him and what he wants. It not just about him getting sex and you having another baby. You realised that both physically and mentally your not ready to have another child. Your also considering the child you already have and there needs.
You need to get conception sorted out because another baby with this man in your current situation would be a bad idea. I would also go to a physio who specialises in your health issues and see what they can do to help you out. Certain exercises ect may help you.

The reality is that if he wants another baby he should be doing serious job hunting in your area. He should not be expecting you to move to him and give up your job, your income and possibly help from family and friends.

In your case if he keeps pushing for this I would seriously consider a divorce because I don't think long term staying with him and having another baby is a good idea.
I think another pregnancy could leave you with serious physical long term health issues and you don't want this.

Thats up to her. She appears not to be ruling out another child, just wants to wait another year.

So depending on where she is in 'mid 30s' that may or may not happen. Yes millions of women successfully get pregnant in late 30s but remember there are also millions of women who try but are unsuccessful that you don't necessarily hear about, they aren't displaying their failure the way those who are successful display their sucess.

Do you actually want another child op? I was left with disability after having my dd. I mourned the loss of not having more than one child and focused my attention on raising dd. I get that’s hard to do. I had to think of my dd’s well being before our desire for more kids, including dd, who very much wanted a sibling.

Of course YANBU. He wants everything to change for you, but little for him, for you to make all the sacrifices, for all the burden to fall on you. For you to give up your job and/or potentially exacerbate your disability. This isn't on. The fact he won't even take any responsibility for contraception despite your previous difficult pregnancy is beyond selfish. Tell him this. Don't let yourself be talked round. He is in the wrong on all of it.

You're absolutely right OP. You need your child to be more independent and settled. You need to recover from your injury. Don't drop your income by moving closer to his work, you'll be over reliant on him making his contribution and his income due to a loss of your own.

Adding a pregnancy and new born into the scenario you describe is a recipe for disaster. Use contraception or you will end up in a situation you don't want to be in.

So she should have another baby regardless of the fact her DH is an arsehole?

I have various gaps between kids from 1 year to 5 years. The ones who dont get on are the 2 year gap.

However, I think after reading your posts, gaps are the least of your worries...

It sounds like he just wants sex, and is using the baby timings as an excuse to get things going in the bedroom again. He’s obviously failing spectacularly!
It’s your body - your rules.
Tell him if he wants sex, he has to wear a condom. Viagra may help with his ‘issues’.

My NPF child is sitting his GCSEs this year.
We did want him but couldn't agree on a timing and hence left it to the gods with NPF. But we didn't argue over it.

We have been fighting over this up to the point of being verbally abusive and not being nice to each other. This would be cause to reconsider the entire relationship.

Many people with circumstances similar to yours stop at one child. Why is he pushing for another when it's so difficult and has wrecked your body already?

In that case you have no option but to both remain celibate until you personally (without pressure from him) feel physically healthy enough and emotionally robust enough for child#2. If he can't accept that then the relationship needs to end.

Tbh I think it's probahly better to end it now because this incompatibility isn't going away is it? He will want child #3, #4 and #5 in due course because he can only have an active sex life with you if you are willing to be constantly pregnant, like the women whose graves we see so many times in churchyards all over england with the list of the 10 children she gave birth to, with her date of death being the date of birth of her last child. That's not the life you want.

I get what your partner means in terms of spacing between children.

But your circumstances are unique, and you'll do what's right for you.

Why is he so keen to have another when the situation is so challenging? Is it because he is wanting a boy? Can you investigate barrier methods for you to use (if you don't have the permanent ick).

If you can find the time then pilates could really help or there are physio exercises on the NHS website. Build it up slowly but definitely do not get pregnant again until you are feeling physically able.

YANBU. Well done for getting your DD onto the assessment pathway - I know that's not easy.

Your husband's behaviour is very concerning. He is trying to bully you into having another child when you obviously aren't physically recovered or emotionally ready. Either your wellbeing doesn't matter to him or he is totally blind to it. And he is verbally abusive when you disagree. That's not a good husband or a good father.

Stay near your friends and family. Keep your job. You need them.

And get some long-term contraception so you don't have another baby until you are ready. Which might not be with this man at all.

Don’t be bullied into having another child!

Your contraception needs to be as watertight as a military submarine.
You have an absent husband, a badly behaved first child, a full time job and debilitating injuries. Why on Earth would you want to add another child into this shit show?

That spacing seems to work well for families I know - the older one is a bit more independent and able to be quite helpful. But the spacing is probably the least of OPs problems really - health, overload, DDs hyperactivity and husband's attitude probably need addressing first.

Your husband can decide to have a smaller age gap when he is going through the physical burden of growing and birthing the child and actually doing the caring thereafter.

Bully for him, he wants a smaller age gap. Of course he does, he's not actually suffered at all when you have, physically and emotionally, but he’s trying to persuade you? Clearly he doesn’t actually care about your well-being,. Or the well-being of your existing child as much as he cares about two with a small age gap, and that is depressing at best.

Stop having sex with this abusive arse Op. He'd be thrilled with a “happy accident” so you need to protect yourself fully.