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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD21 upset with me AIBU or is she

232 replies

ML5 · 11/07/2025 23:09

DD21 has a BF (23) all fine no issues there. However they are off soon to a festival next month and she wants me to tell DH that she wants her BF to stay round for 2 nights. I know she’s an Adult however this is not something that DH will agree to as he’s very old school if that makes sense. I’ve told her she has to mention herself and not to tell me to mention as it’s not really down to me to. So now she’s upset with me cos I’m not “helping her out” and according to DD21 “you have ruined my night”.
So AIBU to not mention it or is DD21 being unreasonable. I do feel that it’s not fair for her to get upset with me as I feel as an Adult she should take responsibility herself and mention it.

OP posts:
InWalksBarberalla · 11/07/2025 23:21

Given you both seem reluctant to ask him, I think you should ask. You chose to marry the the guy, she didn't choose him as her father.

VeryAwkwardForMe · 11/07/2025 23:21

ML5 · 11/07/2025 23:09

DD21 has a BF (23) all fine no issues there. However they are off soon to a festival next month and she wants me to tell DH that she wants her BF to stay round for 2 nights. I know she’s an Adult however this is not something that DH will agree to as he’s very old school if that makes sense. I’ve told her she has to mention herself and not to tell me to mention as it’s not really down to me to. So now she’s upset with me cos I’m not “helping her out” and according to DD21 “you have ruined my night”.
So AIBU to not mention it or is DD21 being unreasonable. I do feel that it’s not fair for her to get upset with me as I feel as an Adult she should take responsibility herself and mention it.

Does she pay rent?

Dramatic · 11/07/2025 23:21

I'd say you should support your daughter, it sounds like she's nervous (scared?) to tell her Dad even though it's a perfectly reasonable thing for her to be doing at her age. I don't see why you can't mention it to him.

TomatoSandwiches · 11/07/2025 23:20

Was your husband old school with you or are these only new rules for his adult children?

JLou08 · 11/07/2025 23:19

Why do both you and your adult DD appear worried about asking your DH a question? It seems odd that neither of you will do it. I do agree she is an adult and should be able to ask herself but if she is scared because he is or has in the past been abusive it would be understandable.

LuckyNumberFive · 11/07/2025 23:19

If she's old enough to have a boyfriend sleep over she's old enough to ask herself. Although why is it only the man of the house whose opinion matters? Why aren't you able to say yes? Does his opinion mean more than yours?

Clockworkchocolateorange · 11/07/2025 23:18

I’m assuming if it was just up to you, then you’d be ok with it. So yes you should support your dd.
Your husband’s being ridiculous, they are adults and so long as they’re being respectful in your home ie being discreet , then your daughter should be allowed her bf to stay.