To ask you to please tell me if dh acted hurtfully?

Of course people forget to do these things - distracted, didn’t notice, [insert other normal human behaviour], but lots of people on MN are perfect and also disgusted unless things are sterile, boiled and free from any organic material.

Some peeps never grow up from needing mum to clear up after them, that's why, some men in particular are so useless because they know mum, partner or wife will sort it out.

I must admit I’m a bit ocd about dirty washing, my adult DD drives me mad just dumps them on the floor in her bedroom (fine it’s her room ) but then the puppy picks them up and brings them to me.

I just feel it’s not exactly hard work to pop them in the laundry basket, but yes I will confess there has been the odd time over the years when I haven’t and yes DH would comment on it, and I will point out he wouldn’t pick them up any more than I would pick his up for him, not just knickers I don’t see why anyone should have to pick up other peoples dirty washing.

As for washing hands, yes I would too, I wash my hands after putting dirty washing in the machine

If you'd just dropped them or just didn't realise they'd been dropped he was being a total twat of the eye rolling variety.

If you'd left them there as you couldn't be bothered not so much.

YANBU, he was being a twat.

As you would expect there are lots of sanctimonious comments on this thread but the bottom line is, he's your husband - he's supposed to adore and cherish you, and treat you with respect and kindness. That means he either puts away dirty pants without fuss, or he has a respectful conversation with you where he lets you know it upsets him when they're left on the floor and asks you to put them away.

Acting like the fact that they've been in contact with your genitals makes them nuclear waste is intended to be shaming and hurtful. Presumably he has no issue with physical proximity to that area when it suits him, so there's no excuse for this kind of attitude now.

Yes he was acting the twat..
The question is why.

What is going on that he would behave like that.

Not normal behaviour.
We are tidy people here and underwear gets dropped in the bedroom, perhaps before we bring it to the laundry basket.

No big deal.
What is going on with him?

Somehow I have managed to never have to pick up DHs used pants, because he’s a grown up and can easily manage to locate the laundry basket plus I am more than capable to tell him to move his own pants if he leaves them on the floor.

Well according to posters, it’s obviously it’s all your fault for leaving dirty underwear on the floor and your DH has the right to be utterly disgusted…..

Come on guys!

Do you all kick off and make performative drama every time your DH and DCs does something out of turn. Are you all really so perfect.

I agree with the poster who suggested to withdraw sex given that he obviously finds your genitals to be disgusting. I’d sit him down and tell him not to bother approaching you for sex in future as the thought of his dick anywhere near you makes you want to have to go and wash your hands.

He acted like a pathetic twat. It’s a pair of knickers belonging to your DW not a sack of dog shit.

Mine are sometimes left on the floor with my other worn clothes whilst I have a shower, I'd be upset if my partner did what yours did

Well I don’t think it was necessary to hold them at arm’s length but I would wash my hands after handling worn pants, including my own - they’ve been on your bum!

Put a peg on your nose and use tongs to pick up any of his garments off the floor

I wouldn't be upset by it. It's the sort of thing I do if I find my partner's discarded pants or a sock, just to make a point. He's done the same to me on the rare occasion i've left something lying around.

Why wouldn't he just say "you've left your knickers on the floor, are they for the wash"? It's all very dramatic to make a show of picking them up and washing his hands etc. I couldn't be bothered with that.

Not normal in this house. Neither me or DH do this. DS is 15 and I've never seen any of his left on the floor either. Its just slobby and disgusting.

He was being a passive aggressive twat. Try to not let it get to you. If he does it again, or something similar, just laugh out loud. Don't give him the satisfaction of upsetting you.

When he does it, does he leave his undies on the bedroom floor too? If so, hide a pair of tongs in your underwear drawer ready and make a similar performance of picking his pants up with the tongs whilst holding your nose. What's good for the goose and all that.....

Seriously though, if your marriage now lacks intimacy and he's behaving like this to you, then it sounds like it's on its last legs. Do you think there's any way of reigniting things?

The only time my DH would ever pick up my pants if he was the one who took them off.

I don't think leaving your dirty knickers lying round is acceptable at all.

This is part of a bigger picture really isn’t it. I would not be best pleased with used undies on the floor and DH and mines marriage is in a good place.

I’d tell him exactly this.

Is there a good reason for the lack of intimacy?

It’s basically what’s normal for you. For DP and me leaving used underwear around is just not ok. If they left their underwear about the house like it’s a decoration I’d be a bit annoyed too. But that kind of think can contribute to the whole intimacy thing as well. No one wants to be intimate with a slob?

He was being an arsehole and I would have been annoyed too.

How many times have you picked up his laundry / shoes / etc etc over the years?

I think he was making a point that it's pretty unpleasant to leave your used underwear on the floor!

Did he know you were watching? If so I’m assume he was hamming it up to make a point about being sick of picking up your pants.

If he didn’t, then it’s quite weird behaviour IMO. Does he have any other hygiene obsessions?