SIL Teaching criticism

You have shown you believe that punishing children for things out of their control is right. That should never be a starting point and a system that doesn’t look at children as individuals is setting many up to fail.

as someone who works in school use the lived experience of people you say you care for to help change things for others rather than sitting back and taking offence they don’t like things.

I think if she is also autistic you are perhaps expecting too much especially when she is channeling upset about something that’s affected her boys.

If you say something, sit down separate to a rant and say that sometimes you feel hurt by what she is saying and you appreciate she’s frustrated at something that’s affected her boys but you spend a lot of time trying to run things like that.

I do agree with her on the school disco thing, that is stupid and IS setting some ND kids up to fail. She is dead right on that one.

Did you not say you suspect she has autism so isnt this part of the reason she likely doesnt connect what shes saying with how it might hurt you?

Also cant you just spend less time with her? From you posts it seems like you spend a huge amount of time together if shes annoying you this much or you're speaking to her every week. Just dont.

I do think that teachers take a lot of criticism but I also have a lot of friends who are teachers and really dont get how bad the system is for children or say "we can only do so much" etc. And to parents and children who are failed by one thing or another it just sounds very meaningless. The example you used also seems very unfair and essentially leaves no room for children to make any sort of mistakes or to be different or struggle so I can see why that particular comment may have angered her.

You either need to be direct with her or get over it.

Ofc she's not going to defend that, but as one person how much control do you think she has over school policies?
I can imagine the OP is very sympathetic but over time being indirectly criticised would tire any of us out

Then maybe point that out ? Gently

You have to say it in a straightforward way. Hints aren’t going to work. Tell her it hurts your feelings.

When she says "Teachers are stupid" or similar you could ask her how she would feel if you were ranting about the difficulties of dealing with parents, who are naturally focused on their own child, when you are trying to meet the needs of every child in your class.

Based on the one example you’ve given then I completely agree with her, maybe you should listen and learn about how to better support ND and troubled students.

my DSD was raped and abused by her stepdad at 13 and diagnosed with anorexia, school knew about both. Due to one poor behaviour incident that wouldn’t have happened the year when she wasn’t struggling before she was banned from the end of year trip. She knew that she would be 2 months in advance and all it did was make her more depressed, fall deeper into her ED and go on to have several other behavioural incidents because what’s the point. You’ll defend that?

But you’re not seeing her hurt? She understandably has seen her children be failed and now sees you supporting policies she knows will set other children up to fail - surely you can see why that hurts her?

your complaining about her not considering your feelings you your posts show your not willing to consider hers. You will never agree so you need to find a middle ground

Do you agree with/support everything that’s going on in education/in your school?

Her view is clouded by being the parent of two ND children who (I assume) either struggle at best in the system or have been completely failed by it. She won’t see the positives (if any) for the other pupils or staff .

If she's saying it in a group chat, just ignore it.

Honestly, I'm sure you tell your pupils to ignore petty stuff like this?

OP - you're not going to get helpful responses here.

The reason her criticism is misplaced is because she's prioritising her child and teachers have to balance the needs of every child. Even if you had the power to, you can't fairly do things her way because other children matter too. That's what she doesn't recognise. If some children do well in blue classrooms and others do well in red, a school would suggest purple classrooms or half red and half blue or blue/red stripes. Parents of the blue kids would complain about how stupid the school are for using red paint when blue is obviously much better - as evidenced by their experience of their child and blue. The red parents would have the exact opposite opinion. 90% of posters on here have that same viewpoint - they've seen their children and draw their experience from that.

Ultimately, it's incredibly frustrating to be called "stupid" (even as part of a class) because someone else doesn't have all the information to hand - or can't recognise that schools have to consider the benefit of all children, not just the one they think matters.

All teachers criticise the system and the way a lot of schools insist on doing things.

For you not to, it makes you sound quite defensive or not particularly honest maybe?

If she is a person who is ND and has ND children, she is naturally going to point out the policies that are problematic for ND students.

If she is berating you because water is wet that is problematic. If she is pointing out that school systems are often set in ways that actively harm certain kinds of children, you should start listening instead of being defensive.

My son has one negative point this year (ab incident very much related to his needs but also a deserved negative) he also has over 800 positive points. Too right I would be arguing a system which punished again for that negative would be wrong.

I don’t think as school staff we help if we just accept “well because” as a reason for things that aren’t fair and don’t help any child