SIL Teaching criticism

So don’t sit there every week.

how did she even know about the disco policy at your school unless you told her? I honestly don’t get why you wouldn’t be equally unhappy about the system but hurts the most vulnerable and disadvantaged kids but if you agree with it and know she would be upset as it would be unfair to her dc why would you tell her?

STOP discussing your school’s policies with her then! Why do you do that?

But have you actually told her clearly that it upsets you/ hurts your feelings Sometimes? Is she actually saying all teachers are shit , or her children’s teachers are , or that the system is shit/stupid?

Imagine hers....

In the words of so many these days (usually directed at ND and SEN children who are struggling in school systems that discriminate and punish them for just existing) maybe you need to work on your ‘resilience’ if you can’t hear general valid criticism of a broken system without making it all about you

It’s criticised because it is crap! Totally unfair and crap. Where’s HER soft place to fall when you actively support a system that would exclude her children? Does she feel seen and cared about when you talk about the ridiculous rules in your school that you think are working very well for NT children?

Because of the frequency and the fact that I become the figurehead for the whole system

She makes your the figurehead? She aims all her comments at your personally and holds you personally responsible for all failing in her own children’s education? In which case yes she is being unreasonable and unfair.

Or she’s talking generally, not directed at you personally - but you are allowing yourself to take it personally and get you down. That’s a you problem, if she’s not directing it at you, she is allowed to express her frustrations and distress - your feelings are not her responsibility.

Its not about YOU - its about what is happening to HER CHILDREN.

But it isn't about you. She is letting off steam to family, not speaking to you as a professional

But if she’s neurodivergent as you suggest, she might genuinely not realise. You probably need to point it out in really straightforward terms if you think it’s worth it. I.e ‘Sarah, I understand why you feel negatively about schools, but as a teacher myself, who works very hard, it upsets me to hear you criticise them all the time’

Mainstream schools do not work for ND individuals and you're wasting your energy taking this personally. I've been wrapped up in similar and see it for myself and it is excruciating as a parent, to try and navigate schools with ND children that are NOT catered for. Allowances and understanding is minimal, it seems schools work against you, not with you and it is beyond demoralising for children and parents alike. I am astounded that you feel offended with your own background, surely you have the understanding of the education system and see how these children are being let down? It isn't about YOU or your profession but the structure of it all. Just be supportive

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it appears that you acknowledge that at least some of her criticisms are justified and, where they relate to policies and practices actually used in your school, your position is that it's nothing to do with you as you can't control what the policies etc are? If that's correct, I don't really understand why you take these things personally. You could simply say, for instance, "Yes, a blanket behaviour policy risks penalising children with disabilities, what are your ideas for how we should deal with this given the need to have reasonable standards of behaviour to enable all the children to learn?"

How did it come up then?

The schools I have worked in totally understand that ASD children work differently and wouldn’t give demerits ( or whatever) for the same criteria as NT children.
I’ve worked with many kids where a school disco would be their worst nightmare. Having a good week can still be important to them even without some arbitrary carrot they don’t care about. Smaller more tailored rewards work better and most schools do this I think.

‘Betsy. Teachers like me are normal people who are doing their bloody best, with no time and no resources and no appreciation. They have no work life balance. We can’t get people to stay in the profession because we don’t get paid enough for all the shit that the managers, pupils, general public, and parents criticise us for - it’s relentless and never ending. For my mental health can my conversations / group chat with you be the one safe space where education, schooling, teaching or teachers is not mentioned negatively - I need a safe space. It is making me ill to feel constantly criticised. Most teachers have issues with their health, mental and otherwise and are burnt out. I need this safe space. Thanks

copy and paste on repeat

You have a right not to be trashed constantly about the difficult job you do

stop and no are words in your vocabulary.

put away if needed but say no and put boundaries in first