To think that children aren't as good at playing together anymore?

To be fair, COVID has had a lingering effect on parks in our area. A lot of equipment was taken away by some batshit power hungry council worker and has NEVER been replaced. They removed every other swing to encourage distancing, removed benches, took away roundabouts. The parks are in such a bad state of repair compared to pre-covid. It's a real shame.

Depends on the children really. As the parent of an only child, the biggest issue we see is siblings not wanting to socialise outside their family, rather than the adults being too involved. Lots of “that’s MY sibling, you can’t play with them/us” or not having the social skills to interact with children they don’t already know well (eg negotiating, sharing, deciding how to play).

And to be clear, it’s not because of the standard parent claim that the siblings are such good pals that they don’t need anyone else, as they fight and whine with each other the entire time! They just haven’t been taught to socialise with new people, and there are some undesirable possessive or dependent vibes there.

Another teacher here. A lot of parents are so careful with their children that they don’t let them be upset for a minute. They don’t let them feel bored or sad they can’t do something. It’s interesting watching children with their parents at school pick up and how they can switch from perfectly pleasant to entitled and moaning! Then the horror on their parents face that their child is going to be upset for a moment so they are quickly pacified. Playing with other children, who may upset their child, probably isn’t worth the risk to some parents!

My DC never ever wanted to make friends with children in parks and especially not on holiday. They just liked spending time with us and each other.

I don't think it's just children. Adults are also less sociable. It's probably coming down from that.

As a child I was always out, knocking for my friends to come out and play, I did one after school activity and Brownies/guides. These days kids are at an activity most days. We didn't have tablets or streaming services, or social media.

In the past 6 years, we've gone from 5 days in the office to none, to 2, 3 or 4 days. It's taken the social aspect of an adults day away. People no longer go for lunch, or drinks after work. Everyone is in their own little bubble(and see going into the office as a chore) and keen to get home.

Covid and lockdowns made everyone subconsciously see socialising as bad. We see it on here how so many found the time they spent with their family bliss, and how nice it was they didn't have to socialise.

We played out when I was a child (70s) but it was always with other children that we knew such as children from the same street. I don't remember playing with random children in parks.

Exactly ! Hopefully that led to other parents not leaving their young children home/at hotel alone at night.

Totally agree, how many neurotic parents put that into their children then wonder about the rise in mental health issues yet dont see a connection

Sorry but that's stupid. Madeline Mccann was kidnapped because her parents went off and had dinner and left her alone. That's neglectful parenting, and most normal people wouldn't do that, very different from having your child out of sight for one second 😆

I don't, I think most people are neurotic and anxious and it rubs off on their kids. A kid who can't smile at another kid is odd, I'm talking 3 and 4 year olds.

It doesn’t surprise me.

It’s sad really.

I was a very very shy kid but was friends with every kid in the neighbourhood.

My first DD was pretty shy, didn’t speak to anyone for about 7 years but had such great non verbal skills she managed to make lots of friends. And when she finally did speak and we would go to the park, she would make friends - she was an only so it was either that or play alone.

I now have a baby - and I can feel that his generation will be so different.

If I think about what contributed to my social skills, I’d definitely say parents that were present and were invested in your language - they both worked, but were around. But also I wasn’t suffocated by them - yes they stood up for me, but they also reminded me when I was wrong.

I agree with the PPs that mention overthinking parenting - I don’t parent my kids based on what I see on social media or the latest trend etc - and I can imagine the information overload some parents must feel.

Agree with you OP, my DC has always been very friendly since they were a baby. Most kids will just look at him if they wave or smile and says do you want to play or would you like to be my friend. Luckily there's one child who will play and they'll have fun together.

Most kids seem to have zero social skills! I've noticed myself if I smile at them they just look blankly.

My DS was the same age as madeline mccann. Didn't turn me or any other parents I knew into neurotic helicopter parents

Apologies my DS4 would want to make your child run off 😂

He is very social but most kids would ask you if you want to play with them, or ask how old you are whereas my DS will just start a 50 word sentence about something mundane that happened at pre school three months ago 😂 freaks other children out when just a hi my name is x would suffice.

Interesting! I've also noticed this on holiday and I do think there is a cultural aspect to it. Anecdotally find that white, middle class Londoners and suburbanite children tend to be the most unfriendly. My three year old has regularly been snubbed in playgrounds and church playgroups in the "naive" parts of London where we live when he has gone up and said hello to other kids. Not only did they not want to play, it was like they were baffled as to why he had approached them.
I find it a bit sad to be honest with you.
My son is half Indian and VERY extroverted, mind. Perhaps not everyone's cup of tea. But across the board I agree with the OP, I just don't see kids in general interacting with one another in playgrounds and public spaces the way we used to when I was a child in the late 80s early 90s. I was chronically shy and even I made little friends on holiday

A lot of parents don't like their children mixing with random children. Their anti social attitude will rub off on their children and a lot of adults will sadly see no fault with that.

So sad :(

Just to add, I don't actively play with my kids that much. Maybe this has helped them be more inventive in play? I did when they were really young but now they have each other and they are 3 and 4 so close enough in age I get a lot less involved. At home I mostly build a train track/ marble run, do some art or baking. I just refuse to pretend to be a monster for an hour.

Brambillabits on Instagram is good - she's all about independent play. The phrase she uses in "present but unavailable"

We also get out the house quite a bit and do 1 hour of TV time in the evening most days

I think it's a symptom, partly, of mothers in particular being time poor. 50-80 years ago they'd be generally keeping house, having the kids back for lunch at school, the kids would come home and just play and potter about with mum around cooking, cleaning, baking etc

They didn't have endless organised clubs, two parents working full time etc there's this weird expectation in women, that they have to somehow be a house wife and a full time worker and have the time to spend with the kids despite them all being out of the house longer than ever before. Otherwise you're failing as a mother.

Are you surprised with some of the parenting you see on here? Panic at minor things, danger at every turn, every male a likely sex offender, complete inability to contend with even minor issues, refusal to let their DP/DH look after children etc etc etc.

Same. I've not really.experienced what many in this thread are talking about. My 6 year old find people to play with quite easily. And my toddler is just a bit of chaotic energy looking for a game on legs.

This thread is so interesting to me because I feel completely at a loss to know how much time I should be actively engaging with my 4 year old and 1 year old, and how much benign neglect would actually be useful in fostering life skills like letting them play by themselves together and figure it out on their own.

Ridiculous as it is, I feel as though I should be interacting with them every second that I’m not cooking or cleaning something (I don’t because that would be exhausting). But it’s mad because I would hate for someone to be doing that to me. If I let the 4 year old watch tv for a bit after nursery or when he’s tired I fear I’m rotting his brain with screen time. But sometimes he’s so tired he just needs to chill. I equally know this hyper awareness is also not healthy.

I wonder if previous generations just didn’t overthink everything and had a healthy does of “it’ll be fine”. Which I try to do but what about if the screen time rots his brain or he thinks I’m an emotionally distant parent who he can’t come to with a problem?? I’m exaggerating for effect but you see what I mean!

I haven't found this much. My daughter is 4 and is able to make friends very easily, in parks, on holidays and also with adults 😂
My son is 3 and is similar although sometimes they will just choose to play together, they often take interest in different things and make different friends. 3 yo son usually also finds a much older girl 10+ to play with him, pick him up ect!
As a previous poster said, they also attend a school with a playground opposite where the children play freely 😀

I think it depends they are in to. My DS is 7 and football mad. If he takes a ball to the park he soon find someone to have a kick about with. DS 4 playing tonight whilst watching older sibling playing cricket - soon found a little friend to play with his monster trucks with, racing them along and chasing each other in circles. Definitely worth taking a toy etc with you, it seems to help break the ice and give them something to talk about/do.

Play dates are for when they are either too young to play out unsupervised or live too far from each other to safely call to play out.