To think that children aren't as good at playing together anymore?

Teacher here too and totally agree. I know it’s an unpopular opinion but get them off the iPad. Or better still don’t get one in the first place.

This is my experience too. And it makes sense - my DD is far better at making friends than I ever was because I was lumped in with my siblings all the time and so never really learned.

I have only noticed this sometimes from siblings who seem scared to play with anyone except each other. My DD usually finds a little friend in the park but they tend to be other only children or there without their siblings.

It's the general negativity that hits a nerve. A single experience is extrapolated to be apparently a sign that the world is coming to an end.

Your childhood sounds like an Enid Blyton book!

I was born in the 80s and I was allowed to play outside and cycle my bike round the cul de sac with the other kids on the street. I think my parents let me walk to the shop with a friend at about 10. But I certainly wasn’t swimming in rivers or getting chased by rats lol

I think my overthinking comes from a place of not wanting to be emotionally absent, but then I also want to build resilience in them. My parents are very anxious people and it’s taken a lot of my adult life to break free from their cautious thinking. But that’s more to do with going for academic stuff and job opportunities rather than swimming in rivers.

In terms of the point of the thread, I’m pretty introverted and always preferred spending my time on craft activities by myself. I don’t think it would have been my vibe to approach other kids to play, just not my personality type!

Sad thread.

My DS is 4 and he definitely plays independently, with or without other children.

We live in an apartment complex with a small playground in the grounds, so he quite often plays there with the neighbours' children. He also went to crèche full time until he started school and he goes to after school care four days a week until about 6pm. It's mostly unstructured play so when I pick him up he is always doing an activity of his choice with three or four other kids.

We live abroad and the last couple of times we've been back to the UK he's struck up a conversation with a random kid. I thought it was brilliant that he had the confidence to do that in English, which is his weaker language. The idea that it's not a normal thing to do regardless of language literally didn't occur to me.

He also does structured activities (swimming, gymnastics, music) and has very little screen time (a small amount of TV at weekends, no other screens).

@neverwakeasleepingbaby I was raised in the 1970s in what I can only describe as being totally free, we were feral basically. Roamed out and about from around 6 if we had an older sibling or friend and then we became the older more responsible child. I was 9 when I was allowed to go to a park that was 2 miles away taking my sister who was 6 and my niece who was 7 with me. On the way home we decided to go for a swim in the sea in our undies. That was too much for even my lax Mother so I got a good hiding for endangering the little ones, it was also winter.

Absolute shenanigans with myself and other local kids in our road, the worse was being chased by rats disturbed by one lad who baited them out with bacon from the abandoned building up the road. Climbing trees, unsupervised swimming, jumping off the sea wall in to the sea, cow pat fights. We used to collect other random kids including some from the local children’s home who used to climb out of the windows to join us, a fine time was had by all. It was a miracle we all survived,

DH family were wealthy so he had lots of structured activities, horse riding, piano and sailing lessons. I’m a far more confident person than he is with strangers,

Mine were allowed to the local park when they hit 10, it is at the end of our road so not far. They also played out along the road. But no wandering for miles.

This seems to have hit a nerve for you and I don't know why. I agree with OP that now many children seem to lack social skills and that is a new phenomenon, a teacher upthread has also commented on this.

My DC will often be with a friend they know and then they will make friends with another child or children. It's actually lovely to see, I don't know why you'd find this so terrible and offensive tbh.

A middle ground would be children playing with their friends and parents in the park as the OP describes. It sounds delightful, but apparently it's awful. The OP thinks society is coming to an end because a few kids in a single playground are shy or just weren't interested in her kids. I'd say that's something of a ridiculously flight of fancy, and rather extreme.

But you still would've had to get to know them in the first place.

Wow. You do realise there's a middle ground between those two extremes.

My daughter is almost 5. I sort of recognise what you’re saying, though not completely.

DD is very sociable and outgoing - far more than her dad or I to be honest! She’s an only, which would not have been our choice, and I think because I’m aware of that I’ve been very hot on encouraging lots of time with cousins as well as other friendships.

We’re lucky to have quite a lot of young children in our quiet little street, all girls within a year or two of DD’s age. They do play out together although still very much with parental supervision as they’re very young still. I would say that DD is definitely the most easy/ friendly natured of them all though - we’ve been here these kids whole lives and this playing out has been a thing the last 3 years or more, yet most of the others still struggle to get play going without a lot of parental prodding and support. They’re more naturally reserved I guess, though they all have a whale of a time once they get going. We probably do hover a bit much actually.

She’s managed to find friends on a few holidays - in May we were in a caravan and somehow struck up a friendship with the kids in the next door one. Theyd get up at the crack of dawn and start shouting ‘hello?? Hello??’ out of the window till the other one appeared. It’s hard though navigating how much freedom to allow - I was happy for them to play on the stretch of grass between the two caravans, or just at the back, where we could see them - DH was adamant he didn’t want her going into the other family’s caravan and he preferred to be out there with them but settled for sitting at the window keeping an eye.

Parks are hit and miss - to be fair I find them so boring I don’t often take her unless we’re meeting other people we know there!

DD’s biggest issue has generally been a complete inability to play independently - if there’s other children in the mix it’s fine but otherwise it’s very much needing me or DH. That said, we’re making some progress there it’s something I know we’ve probably created and I’m trying to encourage it more now. If we’re out I have started saying ‘no, it’s for children to play - not mummies’ and we’re getting somewhere with that, and at home she’s definitely getting better and being bored and finding stuff to do.

Interesting. My twins will make random friends all the time at the park.

I think 6 and 3 is a bit on the young side to expect this though. I think my two were 5/6 when they started ganging up with random children, but they probably socially bolster each other.

The OP's premise is something which is neither here nor there and indicative of nothing. Neither DDs nor I lack for social interaction or friendship. Some people are more extrovert than others and the world could do with a few more quiet and reflective people and fewer noisy gobshites who think everyone wants to be their pal.

Work, hobbies school, friends of friends like most people. Not from talking to random drunk people.

My eldest is shy but determined. She set out to make friends on holiday and did. She used her bits of French and Arabic to at least ask kids basic stuff like names, ages and if they wanted to play. She does have sen though that affects her physically so I had to strike a balance by giving her enough space to be independent but near enough that she knew where I was and could get back to either of us. Ds made friends too and played football with other kids and when he went up to the pitch I got lumbered with goalkeeping duties. Dd2 is a toddler so one of us was with her at all times.

We have 3 and they play well together, sometimes, more often than not they will happily include other children. Both dh and I played table tennis with our kids and if other kids wanted to join in we let them.

Sometimes it's not so much that other kids don't want to play with yours but the parents don't want the added responsibility of keeping an eye on yours too. As a family of 3 and with fact that we actually play with ours we do attract other kids. I don't mind on the whole but dh as a man is wary of this.

That's really sad to hear 😔

How do you make new friends?

Some of my closest friends are those random people I got talking to in a club.

That's sad. It's natural for children to want to play together. They're not randoms and actually adults like meeting new adults too. I think it's a personality thing tbh. Your DDs have probably got this from you.

This is one of the main benefits of having a football obsessed child. He'll bring a football nearly everywhere we go, and there's always at least one in the car for emergencies. He'll run up to other kids and ask if they want a game, or ask if he can join in if others are playing.

We were out last week and he made a friend within seconds, by the end of it they were walking around with arms over each others shoulders, acting like besties. When we left I asked about his friend, yeah yeah, really liked him, he was class etc. no idea what the kids name was but I knew who he supported and his favourite players.

Even on holiday, he ended up playing with kids most days who barely spoke English. Just match after match.

He is an only child though so I wonder if that makes a difference?

I was an only child and I hardly ever played with a random child at a park in my life 40 years ago, I just enjoyed the swings and slides etc - in fact pairing up on a seesaw or roundabout could lead to injury back then- I didn't trust other kids not to jump off while you were at the top, or spin the roundabout too fast! I played out plenty at home though with my friends.

My DDs did as often they would know a few other kids there after school etc, but I didn't particularly encourage them to befriend randoms, just as I don't approach people I don't know in the pub as an adult.

I live in Switzerland and its the opposite here. Home ownership is low and most people rent so the canton really invests in public spaces & activities. This means when a block of flats or housing development is built there is usually a park on site/area for kids to play. They have toy libraries throughout the city where you pay £20 per year and can rent toys every month, but it's a space for parents to meet with kids every day. In the summer they have a 2 month schedule where they load up some of the toys onto buses and take them around to various parks for the kids to play. They have summer activities/workshops that run daily in parks for kids. Once a year there are a neighbourhood partys in all the different areas of the canton. All the parks are well maintained with brilliant playgrounds, no rubbish, most have sand pits and alot of them have big paddling pools for kids in the summer. No 2 playgrounds are the same they really try to make them different and they have big play areas. The park keepers go round each morning collecting litter, cleaning, checking the pool. It's incredible and really the spirit of community is encouraged- parks are always busy and kids are always playing together, sharing, parents meeting people. After school kids play outside their flat in the communal park onsite.
When we return to the UK we find that the parks are empty, poorly maintained - broken. My 4 year old asked me recently why there was so much rubbish in the park, and why it was broken and why weren't there any kids?
It's sad really but I think alot of parents stay at home and the public spaces are not very inviting.

Agree with this, I also think it's nursery. Children are only used to playing with the children they "know".

Hi OP,
Do you ever go to the park with children yours are friends with from school? My DS is 6, and I regularly collect 1 or 2 friends of his from school without their parents, as do they. They play really well, they sort out pushing each other on equipment, involving my DD 4 too, and I can sit and leave them to it. Similarly, at our home they move around our living room/dining room/his bedroom/garden amusing themselves, I just sort snacks/dinner. I occasionally join in and play some board or garden games, but I’ve noticed such a shift through Year 1 in terms of being much less needed, which is great for their play.