50th birthday surprise

I would be putting on your happy face for family they made the effort it’s not there fault your dh is super ignorant he might have thought that this is the best idea ever. but it’s not for you I would be booking a fancy hotel and spa for myself asap once they return home and he would be paying for everything. Honestly it’s not the birthday you wanted but family is everything especially if your parents have made such a big effort punish your hubby when they leave. How hard is it to book a hotel fgs just give the wife what she wants. I hope you do enjoy your time with them now it’s not their fault and you don’t want to have regrets he is probably feeling smug he pulled it off.

I’d be flippin raging. I would also be booking cleaners, restaurants , theatre tickets etc on DH credit card.

Pretend you are happy to the visitors but I would make absolutely sure that DH and DD know exactly how unhappy you are and that you expect them to do the cooking, shopping etc. After they leave, I would take myself off to a day spa, on my own and then when their birthdays come around, give them the opposite of what they have asked for.

That's outrageous! I would be absolutely furious!

I think If have to lay it on the line:

"I am delighted you've come to visit at least, but I was promised a 5-star spa hotel trip for my birthday. I did not expect to host anybody and I have not been given a chance to prepare for you. I'm sure it's not your fault, and I am glad to see you, but I am not going to lift a finger to host anybody this week. Dh will have to do it all. I am not cooking or planning or taking people out. If you want to go out, you will have to arrange it. If you want to eat you will have to cook, or order in, or book a restaurant. And sort out payment. This week I am a guest, not a host."

And stick to it.

I'm guessing your DH and DDs thought you'd be thrilled to see your parents and siblings but have given no thought to how much extra work it is for you! Try to enjoy their visit and do as little as possible in the way of 'entertaining' - get DDs and DH to do some food shopping and they can do a bbq and tidy up the house - you concentrate on spending time with your family & have a few days out with them, go out for meals and have a few celebratory cocktails!

When the visit is over, book yourself a lovely spa break, either just you or with a friend. Take yourself off and have the relaxing break you deserve! 💐

Thoughtless bastard.

Maybe we can find your perfect spa OP. Then you can tell your H to book it.

I think what would sting the most is how after many years your dh has such disregard for you. He must truly dislike you for doing something you specifically asked not to.

is he trying to gaslight you for any reason in front of your family? I can’t imagine why ‘no inviting visitors to stay’ would mean anything but that.

I would be absolutely livid to have this dumped on me. Like unforgivable livid.

Oh I'm so with you OP. I can't think of anything worse. Even if you want to see them you've been robbed of the chance to get organised or prepare yourself mentally. I cannot understand people who think surprises are ever a good idea

Sorry OP and Happy Birthday! I think all you can do at this point is try to enjoy the time with the rels, but check yourself into yjd spa break the second they leave (or asap afterwards). Just think to yourself - "6 more days..," it's probably preferable to go alone to the spa and just do exactly what you want for a few days. Be as lazy as you like there. Also, tell you DH to sort the house out, seeing as he invited these guests, and eat out, order Deliveroo or tell him to do a barbecue..

OMG your poor soul, how disappointing.

But you need to shake it off and think what you’d like to do with the visitors as it’s going to happen regardless.

Can you book the spa break yourself for when they leave so you know you have relax time ahead?

Or just feck off and leave them all to it but I feel you’re not the sort to do that.

Get through the week with your visitors as best you can and then book yourself in for the spa hotel after they've gone. Give your DP the bill.

I think if technically you're not unhappy to see them then shift your birthday focus out to another weekend where you book yourself something lovely, and take from this week what you can, by implementing some loving boundaries!

And yes, DH is in charge of all catering, cleaning, any grunt work. You're checking out for a week, happy birthday!

I'd sit back and let DH carry on. I mean, he must have a plan of action, no?

Bloody hell OP, what was he thinking 🤦‍♀️😡

Let us hope DH is all over catering, housekeeping and hosting.

That would be a nice surprise!

Right, if you want to make the best of it. Go out for the day with your sibling. Tell your household that they're not invited and you want the house running like a well oiled machine for when you get back, with food in the cupboards and a meal ready.

Oh I would be absolutely outraged. I assumed your family had decided to come and your SH didn't put them off, but that you would still be getting your spa weekend.

I would be spelling out to my DH in no uncertain term just how fucked off I was at this. I really feel for you

No, that’s a really stupid thing for them to do. Whilst it may have been well intentioned, they didn’t listen to what you wanted and needed at all. And to not even prepare the house for the guests you didn’t know were arriving is awful. Let them do all the cooking and cleaning. When your guests have gone make sure you get that spa break to yourself to enjoy some you time.

Oh this is awful. OK as others have said, try and make the best of it but absolutely treat yourself to the spa break when you can. A birthday treat doesn't actually have to be ON your birthday.

Ok, this is really shitty and I too would be fucking fuming. Could you maybe reframe it that they all love you and want to celebrate you? Or is it too soon?!

You sound like you're at the end of your tether and rightly so. I would tell them honestly that you're a bit frayed at the moment and as a 50th birthday gift from them all you'd like their help to spend some time relaxing.

Set out a rough plan for the duration of the visit so you know what you've got coming up and when. Include in the plan things that you like doing, your favourite cafe for a coffee, walks, swims whatever, then you're not just being dragged round.

Early nights, drink water, eat well.

Book a house clean or an extra one if you already have a cleaner. Your DH is in charge of a comprehensive supermarket shop immediately. Book yourself in for three things during the week that would make you feel treated, and take a couple of hours out to do them, so, a massage, a yoga class you like, and I don't know, a long walk up a steep hill, whatever.

I would then book a few nights at The Scarlet, solo or with a good friend. And extend your 50th out until then.

I’m fuming in your behalf.

YANBU. That is really inconsiderate and sounds very stressful. Did you go to the spa or was that a red herring? I would be devastated if someone told me I was going to a spa and it was just a white lie to cover for a surprise I didn't want 😅