To wonder if you ever get over being left for OW

My grandmother never got over my grandfather leaving, he married the ow but spilt when I was born.
My grandmother was left holding 3 babies when he left my mum said she became incredibly bitter towards them, seen as an extension of my grandfather I suppose. This led to my mother and my uncles living with my mother's sister in Ireland for 6 years, she refused my grandfathers offer to take them in and live with him and OW and the 2 children they had together.

My mother said she suffered hugely for her father's betrayal, he never understood the damage he caused, I don't think many men do.
My grandmother never spoke of my grandfather to me, even until the day she died she never muttered his name to me. But she told my mother she still felt the same pain she felt the day he left, every single day.
My mother still believes she died of a broken heart.
My grandfather divorced the OW and died alone himself, with neither my mother or her brother's with him.

They always deny it. They can't be seen as being the 'bad person'.

My ExH denied it even though he'd given me his work Blackberry to look at whenever I wanted/needed to (after his previous affair) and I could read all their pathetic, teenager-like melodramatic emails to each other.

I'm so sorry. My h had an affair and I didn't leave. I've left now and he moved on very quickly. Don't care about that but furious he's being a shit dad. Do what you need to to get through the day but start remembering how strong you are. This is a moment in time. It's not how you'll feel forever.

my H just left me today for the other women and heartbroken doesn't even come close to how I feel. I never in a million years thought this would be me but here I am with a sore face from all the tears and knots in my stomach!

Good chance - you don't meet someone that quickly otherwise if the long term relationship with with your long term partner and the mother if your children breaks down. it takes a lot more than a fortnight.

in the end, it doesn't matter. He is a vile man. Be there for your kids and keep the moral high ground. Ultimately, it's his loss, not yours.
Do you have much real live support? Is he trying to see the kids at all. If you were married, and there are assets, make you you get a good solicitor and take him to the cleaners. Try to channel your anger into more productive channels. I know, it's all so much easier said than done. But you will get through this.

Do you want to share the reasons you left him? clearly something must have triggered it.

You will get a lot of posts saying that while it was awful at the time, they're now really happy and have remarried and everything is great and husband no 1 did them a favour etc. it doesn't always happen like that. Sometimes you go on to meet another man who's not right for you either, and you find yourself single again, this time when you're older. Sometimes you might not meet another man. The battle is learning to live your life and love it without a man in it, and establish your own niche with friends, family etc. Most men aren't great.

we wouldn’t really know that. What was the sequence of events? You ended the relationship and he is now with another woman very quickly ?

To be honest my ex was in a 'new' relationship within a few months. Pretty sure it was actually well established before he left. I was angry, sad etc but now.....feel sorry for her although no-one believes me. He was very manipulative and I expect he plays those games with her. Haven't met her and would be the bitter ex-wife if I said anything. Have to be sensible as he isn't my problem any more!!!

That must be so hard.

Have you /your husband ever told him to give it a rest, and let him see how others see it.
His poor current wife having to know this about him?

My DF has never got over my DM leaving him for her OM and I don't think he ever will tbh as it's been 20+ years (DM and OM are still together). I don't agree with what my DM did, but my DF unfortunately doesn't have the introspection to realise he was also a really shit husband to my DM and essentially it was both their faults for various reasons, neither of them were innocent or purely the victim in what happened. DF will still for eg Facebook stalk my DM, questions his kids constantly on what DM is doing, what her relationship is like with OM. Do we think it's on the rocks and they're going to split up etc etc. Everytime he spends time alone with my DH he will use it as an opportunity to talk nastily about my DM to the point now where my DH avoids being alone with my DF as he is sick of it (he has the same attitude as me = DM did the wrong thing, but DF also contributed significantly to the situation happening). I don't think he will ever get over it tbh

(Not saying anyone "deserves" to be cheated on or anything like that, but in our family situation DF was absolutely not an innocent victim. He was not a good husband do my DM and while she should have ended the marriage in a better way, he's not able to realise his own faults. He's also happily remarried but still obsesses over DM/OM 🤷‍♀️)

100% Amen to this.

2 years in and no, I still feel really hurt. Not so much because the relationship is over, I totally understand that it was done. Just the lack of honestly and care he showed over how he went about ending things. It's just totally gutting and makes me question everything. We were rubbish at being romantic partners but we were always really kind and good to each other.

Do you have ANY experience at all? Obviously you don't just stop loving someone! Never experienced this just heartbreak but even that was enough!

I agree that outlook is everything.

When I feel jealous that he has found a younger version of me to spend his free time with I remind myself that he is prioritising a relationship that may not last whereas I prioritise my relationship with my kids & that will last a lifetime.

I think it depends on your outlook and where you focus on things in life. I’m the fat ugly one who won’t find anyone else while he’s off with her gorgeous OW and everyone gushing how wonderful it is for them both to be so happy.

It doesn’t matter that I can do it all on my own, what everyone sees is the fat single one so I’m the failure.

This this this this this.

It's made my mother bitter and nasty. We now no longer speak

You absolutely must work to get over the heartbreak, everything within your power. Do not hold onto it. You don't deserve it.

There is nothing in life I haven’t “got over” or moved on from including death of spouse, death of mother when I was a child, living with an alcoholic father so yes, it’s totally possible to get over this.

@Imadeyouup
I found your response very moving. Bloody well done on being so balanced only 5 weeks on. Sending you warm respect.

It been 8 years since I found out about my partner of 20 years cheating.

I am totally over him (and have a lovely new partner) but will never be over what he did.

Glad you find others’ pain funny…

Life moved on, and into different relationships. But I have to say I only ‘got over it’ when I found out he did the same thing to her. Once a cheat, always a cheat, in my book.

I don’t think it does.
he was ‘wrong/ bad’
you forgive but don’t forget, and it’s becomes irrelevant, because you’ve moved on and have grown , made better choices because of it , and are much happier.
They haven’t changed/ learnt anything since and are divorced ( again) and still making bad decisions.
It sad really and you just wish them well.