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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Just something I can’t get out my head recently

120 replies

RightOrAMeringue · 11/07/2025 13:08

Let me preface this by saying it’s really reductive and over-simplified and a bit daft. I get that. And also I have lots of men who I cherish in my life -
dad, bro, husband, friends, etc etc. But I just can’t stop thinking about it as a concept, so hear me out…

AIBU to suggest/ partially believe that society, as a whole, would function better in the absence of men? Say that we found a way to artificially create sperm, or just fertilise eggs….would people still go for the organic stuff and roll the dice on the person that comes along with it? And, if not, and if the option to select gender presumably came along with the artificial sperm revelation…why would anyone choose to have a male child, and risk never having grandkids? And therefore…would an all-female society emerge? If so, would it be better? I say yes.

Before anyone says we have that option right now in the form of sperm donors/ one-night-stands etc, it’s not quite the same. It’s never totally string-free, and society is woefully lacking when it comes to being a single parent. Sex selection also requires IVF, and it’s not exactly reliable. Im talking about a world where you can buy artificial…semen, DNA, whatever, and apply it like a medication. Boom, pregnant.

As for the emergent utopia, I feel like a world where a far greater proportion had the theoretical opportunity to grow a child would soon begin to look after their interests in terms of career and income protection, mental health, general gynaecological and obstetric healthcare. We might see more of the fabled “Village” form to support parents and, therefore, children. Children therefore may be more well-adjusted with better early years care….less neglect/ deprivation/ childhood trauma….less crime?! Social services/ prisons/ policing costs come down, get reinvested into….healthcare? A free holiday for everyone every year?! Who knows.

Going by the stats, and assuming the absence of men doesn’t increase/ decrease women’s likelihood of committing certain crimes, we could expect astonishing reductions in sexual and domestic violence, murder, drug dealing, people trafficking, drug addiction…the list goes on. And, I reckon, you could argue that even if there was an uptick in female offending, it still wouldn’t be enough to fill the void left by male offenders.

I don’t know. This isn’t a call-to-arms, not making a case for it, I don’t hate men. The idea came to me and I haven’t been able to get it out my head as a concept. Reached a point where I’m just really interested to know what others think 🤣 by all means, point out everything I’ve missed/ am
completely wrong about.

OP posts:
Namitynamename · 13/07/2025 17:07

OxfordInkling · 13/07/2025 17:03

Oh no! I must leave the site because some random decided it’s a gotcha to say that Mumsnet is mostly female.

I don’t rely on Mumsnet for survival my dear. Nor do I only look at mumsnet.

And thank you for your plot summary. I’m going not guess I mostly say the second on. And thank you for confirming the women were useless.

We need both men and women. Women who blame men for all of life’s ills have an incredibly distorted perspective.

Not saying you need to leave the site. However, I hope you have this:
"The men all worked together and celebrated each others successes in fire building, fishing etc"

In your own life.as well. It's very important to have real life friends.

OxfordInkling · 13/07/2025 17:03

Oh no! I must leave the site because some random decided it’s a gotcha to say that Mumsnet is mostly female.

I don’t rely on Mumsnet for survival my dear. Nor do I only look at mumsnet.

And thank you for your plot summary. I’m going not guess I mostly say the second on. And thank you for confirming the women were useless.

We need both men and women. Women who blame men for all of life’s ills have an incredibly distorted perspective.

Namitynamename · 13/07/2025 16:59

This bit though
"Say that we found a way to artificially create sperm, or just fertilise eggs"

I believe scientists did accidentally find out it's possible to fertilise eggs with eggs (it was while researching mitochondrial disorders). If you introduce an unfertilised egg to an unfertilised egg they will fuse in the same way an egg and sperm will to form something that behaves like a fertilised egg.
However - there is no way of knowing whether said fertilised egg would be able to develop into a healthy baby if implanted because it's never been done and can never be done as it's unethical. It would be creating a child in am entirely artificial way purely to see what would happen
So, its not really a technical issue but a moral one "just because we can doesn't mean we should". And I agree with that, even though it's also interesting to hypothetically muse about what such a society (female only) would look like. What's interesting is that as much as certain people like to portray women/feminists as man haters etc no-one is genuinely pushing for this. Whereas stuff techbros or other powerful men want (replacing the working man with AI) is portrayed as "inevitable"
It's perfectly possible to have the technology and decide not to do something.

Ivy888 · 13/07/2025 16:45

I think society would be very bitchy if it only consisted of women. I prefer male friends as they are less judgemental, more straightforward and less mean.

Namitynamename · 13/07/2025 16:41

OxfordInkling · 12/07/2025 16:28

If you want to see if women can survive without men - watch the Bear Grylls thing where they put a group of women on an island, and a group of men on one. The men all worked together and celebrated each others successes in fire building, fishing etc. They got on with things.

The women lazed around, failed to take basic steps to secure water, shelter, etc. talked about their feelings and were useless. When the tv crew released some small pigs so they’d have a chance of not starving..the women made pets of them.

Eventually I think they went to the men’s camp and lazed around there while the men did all the work to look after things.

I’ll stick with the men, thanks.

You seem to have confused multiple episodes:

  1. Just men, as part of a test to see if "modern men" could survive outside civilisation. The men struggled to get organised, suffered at first then got better
  2. One island of men, one of women. The women had a tougher time of it than the men to start with. They were slower to focus on building shelter and there was a time when they were really struggling. Eventually they figured it out.
  3. One island of men and women who started out in seperate groups until they found each other. In this case the women were doing much better. They were the only ones with decent shelter. They were also the only ones with food which they shared with the men when they met up.

So clearly women aren't always better at cooperation (they struggled with it in the 2 example). But what you wrote just didn't happen.
Also though - the show is an entertainment show which always follows the same arc - group struggles, drama and failings out, moment of tension "make or break", group gets better and ultimately triumphs. It's not a sociological study.

If you want to stick with men why are you on a primarily female site?

OxfordInkling · 12/07/2025 16:28

If you want to see if women can survive without men - watch the Bear Grylls thing where they put a group of women on an island, and a group of men on one. The men all worked together and celebrated each others successes in fire building, fishing etc. They got on with things.

The women lazed around, failed to take basic steps to secure water, shelter, etc. talked about their feelings and were useless. When the tv crew released some small pigs so they’d have a chance of not starving..the women made pets of them.

Eventually I think they went to the men’s camp and lazed around there while the men did all the work to look after things.

I’ll stick with the men, thanks.

amigafan2003 · 12/07/2025 12:16

Watch the film Gattaca

PollyBell · 12/07/2025 05:57

So people on here would be fine with theot MIL, SIL, DIL, partners ex or new partner, female colleagues all the women postera complain about all being in position of power or making decisions etc. or is it a case of 'every other women would be fine but not ones i know''

But personally why would I assume women as a whole are better than men just because they are women? The idea logically makes no sense

Isitreallysohard · 12/07/2025 05:46

MrsBrett20 · 11/07/2025 20:31

I went to an all girls school. It was an incredibly bitchy place

This!!

Isitreallysohard · 12/07/2025 05:45

Jollyhockeystickss · 11/07/2025 21:32

But women would still want sex and some female to female relationships can be very violent and toxic and controlling , interesting thought tho, if its all down to testosterone maybe we just castrate all men,

I agree. I think even though some men might be violent, many more women are bitchy, judgemental and toxic. The worst bosses I have had have been female.

Isitreallysohard · 12/07/2025 05:43

No way. I love male company, men are great. I've just realised how much nicer the dads are than the snobby mums at nursery. Men are so much more easygoing.

Loulabelle1234 · 12/07/2025 05:39

I voted YABU because I adore my husband and couldn't imagine life without him......but I do understand where you are coming from, the majority of violent crimes are committed by men and any society with less violence would be significantly better.

OlympicProcrastinator · 11/07/2025 23:22

Whatnowtrev · 11/07/2025 19:42

Roads and building? They have fought wars, navigated and mapped the world, and actually ensured women are kept alive, men are awesome!

Fought wars? They start them in the first place!

Emmz1510 · 11/07/2025 23:16

Ilovemyshed · 11/07/2025 14:25

What utter rubbish.

Except it’s not. I bet if you looked into the backgrounds of the people in women’s prisons, 90+% of them will have experienced domestic abuse in some way, either as a child and/or in their adult relationships. Usually both. Many people have absolutely no idea how prevalent it is. And it’s overwhelmingly perpetrated by men. I’m not saying it’s the only contributory factor, but it will be a significant one in most cases.

healthybychristmas · 11/07/2025 21:55

Much as I would like to agree with you, I have such a lovely son and he gives me hope for the male species.

Jollyhockeystickss · 11/07/2025 21:32

But women would still want sex and some female to female relationships can be very violent and toxic and controlling , interesting thought tho, if its all down to testosterone maybe we just castrate all men,

Jollyhockeystickss · 11/07/2025 21:28

PizzaPunk · 11/07/2025 13:11

I'm guessing you've never met anyone who works in a women's prison?

Cleanse the male 'top dogs' and female top dogs will just take their place.

No-one will be any safer.

Edited

I was just going to say that

RomeoRivers · 11/07/2025 21:26

I think you should write a dystopian novel to explore this concept. I would read it.

Umidontknow · 11/07/2025 20:42

I think it would be fucking awful. I love laughing at men. And I don't mean that in an unkind way 😄 I find their humour far funnier and I quite like that they do stupid stuff 🤷‍♀️ tbh id rather be around a group of men than a group of women on the whole - odviouslythere are exceptions to that. I think a world with only women would become extremely bitchy and spiteful.

MrsBrett20 · 11/07/2025 20:31

I went to an all girls school. It was an incredibly bitchy place

pitterypattery00 · 11/07/2025 19:57

WholesaleNoodleBuyer · 11/07/2025 13:19

I’ve met someone who does.
The circumstances that lead to women being in prison and behaving poorly usually involve abuse and coercion from men. Without men much of this behaviour wouldn’t happen.

As I’m sure you can tell I’m a big fan of men. 😎

Edited

I was going to make this exact same point - a large proportion of female offenders have been abused by men, and coerced into crime e.g to steal to feed the man's drug habit. And many female offenders have suffered from traumatic brain injuries from attacks by men and there is increasing evidence that this is associated with cognitive and behavioural issues that increase the likelihood of those women offending and reoffending.

Heretobenosy · 11/07/2025 19:49

Whatnowtrev · 11/07/2025 19:42

Roads and building? They have fought wars, navigated and mapped the world, and actually ensured women are kept alive, men are awesome!

They started those wars, and while mapping and exploring they spread disease and colonised and enslaved indigenous people, and if they were keeping women alive they were likely only protecting them from the threat of other men

Whatnowtrev · 11/07/2025 19:42

OlympicProcrastinator · 11/07/2025 17:43

All while being raised by women, kept alive by women while they are young and elderly, having their healthcare needs taken care of by women, having their food grown and prepared by women and being taught by women. Then when they want to reproduce having a woman risk her life and health to give life to their child. All while belittling, hurting and killing them, ignoring and dismissing their achievements while they are effectively wiped from the history books.

But yeah…roads and buildings…

Roads and building? They have fought wars, navigated and mapped the world, and actually ensured women are kept alive, men are awesome!

Heretobenosy · 11/07/2025 18:36

Eightdayz · 11/07/2025 17:29

I'd suggest if we could lots of us already would be.

First insurmountable hurdle to op's ridiculous premise.

Well not really, history has a huge impact on the make up of our society. Women are still catching up in many industries not just physical ones.

Most women if they live alone will have to crack on with jobs that might be ‘men’ jobs in other households. I live with my wife, she does all the heavy lifting as she’s ridiculously strong. I do all the DIY and plumbing (unless it needs a professional) because I have more patience and better hand dexterity. But we learn what we need to do and crack on. We don’t just not do things that need doing because it’s would be easier for men with their physical strength. You adapt.

I hate the idea that people think just because men are more likely to have physical strength that women have to rely on men for ‘tough’ jobs. It’s ridiculous. Working class women have been doing tough jobs for centuries.

And if there were any jobs where there were no women who had the physical strength to do a certain job then we would come up with different solutions to problems, but I doubt theres many jobs like that as there are plenty of women who are physically fit and strong.

RightOrAMeringue · 11/07/2025 17:53

Eightdayz · 11/07/2025 17:29

I'd suggest if we could lots of us already would be.

First insurmountable hurdle to op's ridiculous premise.

Didn’t say it wasn’t ridiculous…in fact I actually said that it was daft. But that doesn’t mean you can’t discuss hypotheticals, or derive interesting points from it. Also, if we only ever discussed serious, real-world things I don’t think the world would be anywhere near as interesting or creative. So simmer down….it isn’t a proposition or even an endorsement of an idea….its just one that occurred to me, and I know I don’t have all the answers/ perspectives in the world, so opened it up on a forum.

Your job thing is, however, logically unsound. Lots of women do “manly” jobs, if you want to call them that. Additionally, this has been believed about the majority of jobs over history, and over time women have proved a patriarchal society to just be wrong. Medicine, for example, was a traditionally male profession until relatively recently. There was also the influx of women into the roles previously occupied by men while they went off and fought wars. Wars - before you point out how the defence of the country depended on them - which were started by men.

as I said before, really want to thank everyone for their thoughts on this…it’s sort of calmed me down because, contrary to what some people seem to think on this, I’m not a man-hater at all. I’m very fortunate in that I’ve never been treated differently or limited by my family because of my gender, (societally…not so sure), im not a victim of domestic violence or rape and I much prefer workplaces with a mixture of genders. I’ve really got no beef with men. NOT that you’d need to have gone through these experiences in order to hate men, or that you automatically hate men if you have. Just describing my own personal feelings and experiences.

But when you read or watch the news and keep having all this depressing stuff thrown at you, and there’s generally one common thread running through it all….i don’t think it’s a stretch for the brain to wonder “what if that section of society didn’t exist?”. What IF. Not that it shouldn’t.

so yeah. Thanks for all the replies, especially the ones that looked a bit past the literal and met me in the mad place I was in, and understood I wasn’t trying to start a movement. Also really liked the ones pointing out that sex is a thing…I can only blame the pregnancy hormones for overlooking this bit 🤣 Really interesting discussion, and I’ve got a new book recommendation out of it!

Also v interested to see what the poll
turns out as. TBH, as it stands, and considering that we’re talking about the absence of 50% of humans in the world….not as unanimous as one would think 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts: