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Original poster

AIBU to wonder my manager lied about her daughter’s school?

392 replies

temptemp2 · 11/07/2025 11:28

Not sure if I’m overthinking this or if something odd is going on.

A while ago, my manager and I were chatting about our kids. She was asking about SATs for her 8-year-old DD. I explained what I knew and also mentioned the 11+ since my DS (14) is at a grammar school and went through the process.
She said her daughter isn’t really into study so there is no point getting a tutor. She made it sound like school isn’t really her thing.

Then just the other day, I overheard her telling someone else at work that her daughter is at a private grammar school. That really threw me, especially after our earlier conversation. I did not say anything, but I felt a bit taken aback.

I get that people do not always share everything, and maybe she didn’t want to go into it before, but it felt like a lie especially after she asked me for info and gave the impression her daughter wouldn’t be doing anything like the 11+. Why say all that if her daughter is already at a private grammar?

AIBU to feel confused and like she was being a bit dishonest?

OP posts:
Nomdemare · 12/07/2025 17:38

Wow; what a thread!
Private school mum here, keen to add my tuppence worth. I think it quite likely that your manager is doing as many of us are doing now; keeping our heads down and downplaying the fact we pay for private education, all the time while feeling vilified for making that choice (and paying VAT on top). I expect she’s also genuinely interested in how a grammar school works in terms of exam system as that’s not something I’m too familiar with (as you wouldn’t be familiar with Common Entrance). Let it go; move on and stop being so unpleasant. Just be delighted that your child has made it into a (non fee paying) grammar school - wish mine had that opportunity!!!

Original poster
temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 17:21

DrowningInSyrup · 12/07/2025 17:17

But you do everything you accuse others of doing. It may not be right, or fair, but you are the one that is coming off unhinged. Anyway I shall try not to comment again as this has just dissolved into a nonsensical argument where you're now just batting off 'keyboard warriors' whilst appearing to also be a 'keyboard warrior'.

Ps. Whatever you say about it not being a public melt down, I think you have spiralled a bit and a nice cup of chamomile tea would be a timely addition to your evening.

Show quote history

I just had a cup of tea, thank you.

Have a lovely weekend.

OP posts:
DrowningInSyrup · 12/07/2025 17:17

temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 17:08

Yes, I called them bored and bitter because they are still here hurling insults on a thread they claim is pointless. That is classic keyboard warrior behaviour. You trying to wrap that up as entertainment or some kind of plot twist says more about your need for drama than anything about me.

I am not spiralling, I am just standing my ground after being repeatedly mocked and misrepresented. You do not have to agree with me, but pretending this is some kind of public meltdown is ridiculous. I am not bothered if someone read it from the office and roll on Monday!

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But you do everything you accuse others of doing. It may not be right, or fair, but you are the one that is coming off unhinged. Anyway I shall try not to comment again as this has just dissolved into a nonsensical argument where you're now just batting off 'keyboard warriors' whilst appearing to also be a 'keyboard warrior'.

Ps. Whatever you say about it not being a public melt down, I think you have spiralled a bit and a nice cup of chamomile tea would be a timely addition to your evening.

Original poster
temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 17:15

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 12/07/2025 17:11

On top of that, she is heavily involved in the school, regularly goes to events, and talks about her daughter’s schooling in detail. This is not someone who is disconnected or unaware of what is going on.

Hang on. You know your manager's very involved with the school, you know the sorts of things she takes part in at the school, and she talks about her daughter's schooling in detail. So there's lots of general school conversation, clearly. And you have several friends connected to the same school. But you didn't even know which school this kid was going to. You hadn't put two and two together?

The more you add, the less believable it becomes. This woman can't have said and acted all the ways you've described.

Yes, I knew she was involved in her daughter’s school and talked about it generally, but she never named the school until I overheard her mention it to someone else. She always referred to it as an ordinary school.

And no, I had not put two and two together before that because there are plenty of schools in the area and not everyone shares every detail. It is completely believable that someone can talk about being involved in school life without naming the school or being upfront about the fact that it is private.

OP posts:
PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 12/07/2025 17:11

On top of that, she is heavily involved in the school, regularly goes to events, and talks about her daughter’s schooling in detail. This is not someone who is disconnected or unaware of what is going on.

Hang on. You know your manager's very involved with the school, you know the sorts of things she takes part in at the school, and she talks about her daughter's schooling in detail. So there's lots of general school conversation, clearly. And you have several friends connected to the same school. But you didn't even know which school this kid was going to. You hadn't put two and two together?

The more you add, the less believable it becomes. This woman can't have said and acted all the ways you've described.

Original poster
temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 17:09

WaxingGibbon · 12/07/2025 17:06

Good. Hopefully everyone can see you for what you are now OP, and no more well meaning posters’ time will be wasted on this nonsense.

And hopefully everyone can see you for what you are. Someone who lurks on a thread they claim to hate just to throw out smug, self righteous comments. If you think it is nonsense, you have had every chance to move on. The only one wasting time here is you.

OP posts:
Original poster
temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 17:08

DrowningInSyrup · 12/07/2025 16:45

You're really calling PP bored and bitter?Surely you can see the irony, your posts scream bitter. You're getting more and more irrational as time goes on. I think people can't look away, because you're spiralling and like every good plot line they want to see the conclusion. Admitting you may have got this slightly wrong may be the least likely outcome, but we are rooting for it. Having progressively worsening tantrums is more likely and I can't deny it makes for interesting viewing too.

You are possibly quite lovely outside the realms of MN I just hope Monday isn't too awkward after all this excitement. Gawd can you imagine if someone from your office has read this 🙈

Show quote history

Yes, I called them bored and bitter because they are still here hurling insults on a thread they claim is pointless. That is classic keyboard warrior behaviour. You trying to wrap that up as entertainment or some kind of plot twist says more about your need for drama than anything about me.

I am not spiralling, I am just standing my ground after being repeatedly mocked and misrepresented. You do not have to agree with me, but pretending this is some kind of public meltdown is ridiculous. I am not bothered if someone read it from the office and roll on Monday!

OP posts:
WaxingGibbon · 12/07/2025 17:06

Good. Hopefully everyone can see you for what you are now OP, and no more well meaning posters’ time will be wasted on this nonsense.

Original poster
temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 17:02

WaxingGibbon · 12/07/2025 16:48

As if spending this much time arguing with so many people, after asking for their perspectives on the most irrelevant of issues, doesn’t make you look like an immature and unhinged odd ball.

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Coming from someone who’s still here obsessively commenting on a thread you claim is irrelevant, that’s pretty rich. If anyone looks like an unhinged oddball, it’s the person wasting their time throwing insults at a stranger online over something they supposedly do not care about. You must be really bored.

OP posts:
WaxingGibbon · 12/07/2025 16:48

temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 16:24

Spare me the lecture. I know how forums work. I never said I owned the thread. But if you think it is so ridiculous and beneath you, then spending this much time following and commenting on it just makes you look bored and bitter.

If it really is like a car crash to you, maybe take a bit of accountability for the fact that you're standing at the edge gawking instead of walking away like a normal person. No one asked you to play thread police, so if it annoys you that much, close the thread and move on.

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As if spending this much time arguing with so many people, after asking for their perspectives on the most irrelevant of issues, doesn’t make you look like an immature and unhinged odd ball.

DrowningInSyrup · 12/07/2025 16:45

temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 16:24

Spare me the lecture. I know how forums work. I never said I owned the thread. But if you think it is so ridiculous and beneath you, then spending this much time following and commenting on it just makes you look bored and bitter.

If it really is like a car crash to you, maybe take a bit of accountability for the fact that you're standing at the edge gawking instead of walking away like a normal person. No one asked you to play thread police, so if it annoys you that much, close the thread and move on.

Show quote history

You're really calling PP bored and bitter?Surely you can see the irony, your posts scream bitter. You're getting more and more irrational as time goes on. I think people can't look away, because you're spiralling and like every good plot line they want to see the conclusion. Admitting you may have got this slightly wrong may be the least likely outcome, but we are rooting for it. Having progressively worsening tantrums is more likely and I can't deny it makes for interesting viewing too.

You are possibly quite lovely outside the realms of MN I just hope Monday isn't too awkward after all this excitement. Gawd can you imagine if someone from your office has read this 🙈

DrowningInSyrup · 12/07/2025 16:30

honeylulu · 12/07/2025 16:20

Move on and find something better to do.

It doesn't work like that Bossy Knickers. You may have started the thread but you don't own it and people can follow threads for as long as they want and comment as they please.

It's ironic that you say you've started the thread to vent about what your manager said and asking for views. But now you have got all cross about posters expressing views which do not concur with yours to the extent that you are trying to order people off "your" thread. As for asking why people are commenting on a thread they think is nonsense, well, the unrelenting ridiculousness of it is like watching a car crash - don't want to look but can't look away.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Original poster
temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 16:30

Treeqp · 12/07/2025 16:27

I think you’re seriously over estimating the entrance assessments for the majority of private junior schools.

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Not for the one the manager's daughter is going to, as several of my friends DC have attended the same school.

OP posts:
honeylulu · 12/07/2025 16:28

close the thread and move on.

You can't make me, so ... NO.

Treeqp · 12/07/2025 16:27

temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 15:39

She was good enough to pass the entrance assessments for private school.

Show quote history

I think you’re seriously over estimating the entrance assessments for the majority of private junior schools.

Original poster
temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 16:24

honeylulu · 12/07/2025 16:20

Move on and find something better to do.

It doesn't work like that Bossy Knickers. You may have started the thread but you don't own it and people can follow threads for as long as they want and comment as they please.

It's ironic that you say you've started the thread to vent about what your manager said and asking for views. But now you have got all cross about posters expressing views which do not concur with yours to the extent that you are trying to order people off "your" thread. As for asking why people are commenting on a thread they think is nonsense, well, the unrelenting ridiculousness of it is like watching a car crash - don't want to look but can't look away.

Spare me the lecture. I know how forums work. I never said I owned the thread. But if you think it is so ridiculous and beneath you, then spending this much time following and commenting on it just makes you look bored and bitter.

If it really is like a car crash to you, maybe take a bit of accountability for the fact that you're standing at the edge gawking instead of walking away like a normal person. No one asked you to play thread police, so if it annoys you that much, close the thread and move on.

OP posts:
honeylulu · 12/07/2025 16:20

Move on and find something better to do.

It doesn't work like that Bossy Knickers. You may have started the thread but you don't own it and people can follow threads for as long as they want and comment as they please.

It's ironic that you say you've started the thread to vent about what your manager said and asking for views. But now you have got all cross about posters expressing views which do not concur with yours to the extent that you are trying to order people off "your" thread. As for asking why people are commenting on a thread they think is nonsense, well, the unrelenting ridiculousness of it is like watching a car crash - don't want to look but can't look away.

Original poster
temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 16:02

WaxingGibbon · 12/07/2025 15:59

God OP you’re not still wittering on about this nonsense.You need help

You’re telling me I need help, yet you’re still following and commenting on a thread you claim to think is nonsense. If anyone here needs help, it’s the person who keeps coming back just to be rude to strangers on the internet. Move on and find something better to do.

OP posts:
WaxingGibbon · 12/07/2025 15:59

God OP you’re not still wittering on about this nonsense.You need help

Original poster
temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 15:39

Comefromaway · 12/07/2025 15:08

It sounds like she knows her daughter’s capabilities well. Perhaps she’s not good at exams.

She was good enough to pass the entrance assessments for private school.

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 12/07/2025 15:08

It sounds like she knows her daughter’s capabilities well. Perhaps she’s not good at exams.

Original poster
temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 14:07

Ohnobackagain · 12/07/2025 14:01

@temptemp2 surely she’s referring to the likely far more intensive entry process (11+) etc in 2/3 years’ time and the fact the current school has grammar in the title is just a red herring. Maybe you are conflating stuff?

We discussed SATs first because she said she did not know how they worked and asked me to explain them. She then asked what school my DS goes to. That led to us talking about the 11+ because I mentioned my son had done it. She then said her daughter would not do well in SATs. She already knew about the 11+ and said her daughter was not good enough to sit the exam.

OP posts:
Original poster
temptemp2 · 12/07/2025 14:05

pharmer · 12/07/2025 13:45

This is crazy. Maybe the school does sats maybe it doesn't. some private schools do and some don't. Maybe she thought the school does and it doesn't. A low ability child can be described as excelling if they are surpassing expectations for them. Maybe she is excelling in another area other than epidemic.
I don't see any of this makeher a liar.
Most likely i think you were banging on about tm your daughter's ability, and she didn't want to piss on your chips

I never brought up what school my SON goes to until she asked me directly. So no, I was not banging on about anything. We were having a conversation about SATs and school options which she started and I answered her questions honestly when she asked.

The private school her daughter goes to does not do SATs.

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 12/07/2025 14:01

@temptemp2 surely she’s referring to the likely far more intensive entry process (11+) etc in 2/3 years’ time and the fact the current school has grammar in the title is just a red herring. Maybe you are conflating stuff?

CatkinToadflax · 12/07/2025 13:52

DS2 has attended two different private schools. The first did SATS but the second didn’t. I’d assumed all schools did SATS. He was already at the second school before I discovered that they didn’t do them.

Maybe she genuinely didn’t know.