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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder my manager lied about her daughter’s school?

392 replies

temptemp2 · 11/07/2025 11:28

Not sure if I’m overthinking this or if something odd is going on.

A while ago, my manager and I were chatting about our kids. She was asking about SATs for her 8-year-old DD. I explained what I knew and also mentioned the 11+ since my DS (14) is at a grammar school and went through the process.
She said her daughter isn’t really into study so there is no point getting a tutor. She made it sound like school isn’t really her thing.

Then just the other day, I overheard her telling someone else at work that her daughter is at a private grammar school. That really threw me, especially after our earlier conversation. I did not say anything, but I felt a bit taken aback.

I get that people do not always share everything, and maybe she didn’t want to go into it before, but it felt like a lie especially after she asked me for info and gave the impression her daughter wouldn’t be doing anything like the 11+. Why say all that if her daughter is already at a private grammar?

AIBU to feel confused and like she was being a bit dishonest?

OP posts:
Original poster
temptemp2 · 11/07/2025 11:43

I think that is the case - the school has grammar in the title but that does not necessarily mean it is a grammar. It has a high school attached.

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 11/07/2025 11:43

I didn't think there was such a thing as a 'private grammar' school? Well, they're not called that anyway are they? Especially not at primary age.

It could be her other kid. Or maybe she is at private school but it's not a very competitive one and she isn't all that academic.

If you know she isn't then I guess she must be trying to impress that person, or she's just a compulsive liar. Maybe the things she said to you were lies?

Isitreallysohard · 11/07/2025 11:42

Well surely if school isn't your thing, you're not naturally smart and you have the money then private school is the most obvious option?

Original poster
temptemp2 · 11/07/2025 11:41

Hankunamatata · 11/07/2025 11:33

Perhaps she chnaged her mind after chatting to you about grammar school

Her daughter is already at a grammar so how did she change her mind about grammars? She is still at the same school before and after talking to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
temptemp2 · 11/07/2025 11:40

KnickerlessFlannel · 11/07/2025 11:30

Sorry if I'm misunderstanding but this conversation was 3 years ago if she was 8 then and now at a private grammar? Lots could have changed in the meantime - she could have looked round the school and decided to put the work in.

The conversation was recently. Her daughter is at a private junior grammar school.

OP posts:
SoSoLong · 11/07/2025 11:40

There's no such thing as a private grammar. There are private schools with grammar in their name and take children of primary school age. I'm not sure why you thought she lied?

BiancaBlank · 11/07/2025 11:40

She could be at a private school that has ‘Grammar’ in the name, as many do, that has a junior section - eg Portsmouth Grammar School definitely has - but is considering moving her daughter to state grammar at 11?

As to why your boss wouldn’t have said so, many people don’t like admitting their kids are at private school. Alternatively, she told you the truth and is actually fibbing to this other person!

Original poster
temptemp2 · 11/07/2025 11:39

Walkinginthesandagain · 11/07/2025 11:30

Two daughters?

She only has one child.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 11/07/2025 11:39

There’s no such thing - in normal parlance - as a ‘private’ grammar school, though some private schools do still call themselves ‘grammars’. There is one near us, which was founded a few hundred years ago as a ‘grammar’* school, but admission is via exam and probably interview, too.

*AFAIK that was because one of the main functions then, was the teaching of Latin and Greek (language) grammar.

JaneGrint · 11/07/2025 11:36

There’s a private school near us that has “grammar school” in its name, it takes pupils from nursery through to A-levels, but it’s not selective until the secondary school stage.
And they have their own entrance exam rather than the 11+.

JaneGrint · 11/07/2025 11:33

Maybe the private grammar school is different than the sort that you need to sit an 11+ for? At least as far as an 8 yr old is concerned?

Or she was thinking ahead about secondary school options and that’s why she was asking about SATs etc?

muggart · 11/07/2025 11:33

“private grammar school” is an oxymoron.

Maybe she goes to a non-selective private school. I know most private schools are selective but there are some that aren’t and she won’t need to take the 11+. Maybe it even uses “grammar” in the name.

Couchpotato3 · 11/07/2025 11:33

Maybe her daughter is at a private primary school and she is thinking about options for secondary? Some independent schools call themselves grammar schools - she could be at the prep department of one of those?

Hankunamatata · 11/07/2025 11:33

Perhaps she chnaged her mind after chatting to you about grammar school

LavenderBlue19 · 11/07/2025 11:32

Do you mean she's at a private grammar at 8 years old? As far as I know there's no such thing, grammars are secondary age.

KnickerlessFlannel · 11/07/2025 11:30

Sorry if I'm misunderstanding but this conversation was 3 years ago if she was 8 then and now at a private grammar? Lots could have changed in the meantime - she could have looked round the school and decided to put the work in.

Walkinginthesandagain · 11/07/2025 11:30

Two daughters?