Feeling defensive, but is she right that I need a reality check here?

The child is 3 - not in school yet.

I'd assume most are talking about when kids are pre-school - once in school trips away are a lot harder to fit in and that may be why the DP wants to fit so many in now - though OP can still say no.

Though many mothers I knew started back at work if they'd stopped or upped their hours when youngest was at school - or if they were down to one child at home -( as many/most mothers manage mulpile kids not just one 3 year old )- often started courses with an eye to getting back to workplace.

So really not sure this is a big gotcha. Most mothers with 3 year old are working/doing childcare and don't get entire days to themsleves - OP is lucky to get that - it's a lovely to have and well done her for getting it becuase it would have made me a better parent with that mental space - doesn't mean she won't struggle in a strange place with a three year old.

I'm fully team sister, I'm afraid.

“I feel stressed about having to look after dd alone for 3 days” Oh dear. You might as well use this opportunity to start practicing looking after your child for a prolonged period of time. Not long till they start school, which will involve looking after your child during school holidays…
YABVU.

I have a friend currently in hospital with one of her two children. She is regularly in hospital with them as they have complex medical needs. She runs the ship as she is a single mum. When she goes on holiday with both of them she is on her own and one has complex medical needs. She never moans about it.

you sound like a brat.

Except the 3 days in the week he's at home and the one full day on the weekend he takes dd out so op has the day to herself?

Come on, such a stretch to say it is the dp at fault here

Not packing...oh the humanity!!!!

I guess you chose to have a baby in a semi-detached relationship, so in that way YABU. No amount of money can compensate for the energy-sapping responsibility of (largely) single parenthood so your sister is BU.

Basically, if you don't want to go on these trips then don't go!

Only have one day to yourself a week !?! LOL

So he's basically paying you to look after his daughter. Seems to me he looks at it as a business arrangement. He covers expenses but he sees himself pretty much as hands off for the caring part of things.,

I wouldn't say you're being a brat, but that your DP is proposing a way of living that you really don't like. The money isn't the main point. I wouldn't like having to care for a 3 year old in a variety of different environments. I wouldn't like to have to pack and unpack every month or so, and sort the house out for time away. Can you talk to DP about finding a compromise that perhaps involves him spending some annual leave at home and some on holiday?

I'd agree with this.

A few lucky parents had DGP help - they'd have kids one day a weekend or overnightand the parents would usually be completely oblivious to how lucky there were to get that.

Some seperated families get every other weekend off - but often it doesn't happen or it gets cut short - or when it is reliable sometime the mother's often working those hours.

So yes most mothers I knew never had a day off - I'd have been a better parent to my kids with either more support - DH was great - or more/any recuperating time and frankly less money worried. Parenting while very unwell was eye opening experience - I was ill a lot when kids were young as undelying condition wasn't caught for years.

Having said that that yes OP is lucky in many ways - she still finding 3 days in new place in sole charge dauting - and frankly I can see why - but she needs to talk to her DP not just moan to others.

bloody hell this has touched my nerve having spent the last 10 days solo parenting a non-sleeping 8 month old. What an amazing set up you have.

If I was your sister I’d have been much ruder to you!

Most people with kids do not have ‘time’ to themselves. I’m thinking your resenting your P being away at work a lot and then when he wants to be together your having pack/ whatever because he wants a holiday together rather than just being around the house together relaxing

appreciate how good you’ve got it OP. Some people are single parents and doing it on their own all the time. Some parents have partners who go away for months at a time for work and have to do it all on their own. Some parents are working multiple jobs and juggling childcare and shift patterns and no time to themselves. They don’t get down time.

I recently had 4 months of doing everything solo and it was brutal. Not a single day of downtime. You’re in a very fortunate position. I understand these things can be overwhelming and difficult (I had my own moments like these before DHs job became more demanding). Try to focus on the good in your set up and appreciate it as a lot of people would be envious

@Ninja2 do you need to have the last word or are you happy to leave it here?

Objectively, you do have it much easier than many. I think I’ve had about 10 days to myself in as many years as a single parent. Everyone is entitled to their feelings though, so if these frequent trips feel a bit much, don’t have so many. Can I ask what your sister’s set up is like compared to yours? You can feel however you feel, but sometimes it’s about reading the room.

All the people who have been on this thread for hours telling the OP no mothers get time to themselves where are your dc? Mine are in school...

All of it, really. But anyway, you’re right, I’m wrong. Happy? Can we leave it there?

@Ninja2 I didn't see your ok till I posted. What in my posts replied I was taking umbrage?

Incredible. I don’t have appropriate words for this level of batshittery. Yes people look after their own kids. WTAF.

How is ‘ok’ taking umbrage? 😂

I think you’re incredibly lucky. Most women could only dream about your situation.

This is the crux of it. The bar for some reason on MNs for men is so low that the OP isn't allowed to complain.

@Ninja2 I don't know why you taking umbrage with what I am saying? The majority of mothers with young dc do not work according to the statistics which is a better gauge than "people I know".

I don't understand why so many want to tear into the OP, she can still be struggling.

Most people get time to themselves so I don’t think that’s unusual, it’s only one day and I’m usually clearing up from the week

Many people don't get any time to themselves, and never manage to clear up from the week. That's stressful.