Feeling defensive, but is she right that I need a reality check here?

I don't understand these reactions

It's jealously

You missed the part where even though they don’t combine finances her partner pays for their child’s nursery in full and also gives her extra “pocket money” to spend on herself as well as her own salary.

He pays for his dc who lives with the OP, why does that upset you so much.

And? She's still working full time and doing all the childcare.
Not sure how the father paying for his child is relevant. He should be. That's basic stuff

More women with toddler work than don't and more work full time than in past decades - given cost of living rises not a surprise. Most women with small kids are time poor - I'm frankly surpised anyone would argue otherwise.

I didn't say any of the above though? I said the majority of mothers with small dc do not work f/t.

You missed the part where even though they don’t combine finances her partner pays for their child’s nursery in full and also gives her extra “pocket money” to spend on herself as well as her own salary.

Where does it say that the child’s Dad is hands off?

He’s paying for them to all go away so they can have quality time together. He has to work for a few days (in a job that pays for these privileges) and then will take the rest of the holiday off.

OP also says that the child’s father frequently makes an effort for them to go away as a family to spend quality time together.

It sounds like he has to work hard to earn the money he does but he is trying his hardest to balance that by having great quality time together.

I don't get why people are being rude to you.
Going on holiday and your partner working for 3 days if it is shit.
With small kids it can be easier to be home.
You and him both work yet you do all the childcare on top.
You are not being bratty in the slightest. I don't understand these reactions.

Try a holiday nanny ? They can do the clothes packing too

@CatHairEveryWhereNow did you even read your link? More mothers working full time doesn't mean the majority work full time. Your link confirms what I said....

"The proportion of mothers working part-time when they have young children has remained relatively static over the period, although it remains much higher than those working full-time."

And one child families are the most common size so again the majority now don't have more than one dc...

Yes most parents, especially mums, are doing it by themselves every week. You get an entire day off every week, I know 0 other women who get this!

You're only problem is you go on too many free holidays..... worlds smallest violin. You have the option to just not do this surely?

You are able to work full time to retain a good salary without losing anything to childcare and you get more spending money. Having a child can easily financially cripple most families but you are complaining you have things hard cause you have to raise your child (guess what we all do), you are financial very comfortable, without any career impact, you go on too many holidays and have a what seems like a lovely man who is kind, involved and gives you an entire day off every week.

My husband works such long hours so really isnt able to help much at all during the week, I do it all and this is the situation with the vast vast majority of my friends only they dont have the sort of financial security or free time you do.

Genuinely what more do you expect? Your sister was right to call you out

I assume this post is a joke. Not that it's funny, but it certainly can't be serious. 🙄

Some of that birth rate is women not having kids and according to ONS 2 kids is the most number of kids in UK - though I grant single kids are getting more common more so in very expensive areas like London which may skew perception for some.

In England there are now around 133,000 more mothers, whose youngest child is a toddler, in employment in 2017 (65.1%), compared with 1997 (55.8%). This was largely driven by an increase in full-time employment.
https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/articles/moremotherswithyoungchildrenworkingfulltime/2017-09-26

More women with toddler work than don't and more work full time than in past decades - given cost of living rises not a surprise. Most women with small kids are time poor - I'm frankly surpised anyone would argue otherwise.

As for replies well this is AIBU which has a repulation of being like this - I'm more concerned it's spreading to other boards as routine TBH.

The Op needs talk to her DP she has agency.

She is luckier than many something to consider when talking to her sister and other especially other mothers but that doesn't mean she can't improve her own situation by talking to her child's father.

I get feeling stressed, but a day to yourself every week is not normal. I think I know two people that get that in all of the many people with kids I knows. I think an adjustment in expectations is worth considering

I don't think you're being a brat. But maybe be aware of who you're offloading too? Even though you can seemingly be financially stable, go away on several trips and so on, that sometimes things do get too much and you need a break from all the childcare, housework etc but to some people all they see is you have more than them and compare.

If the parents aren’t doing it all week then who is?!! Dear me. Echo what someone else said - don’t have another kid if just one stresses you out this much!

@T1002

I don’t think you sound like a brat. I think your life has gone in a direction that you didn’t perhaps plan - and you’re questioning your future/moving in together etc.

You lost your independence, and - as with many women - the mental load, organising, working falls on you.

Just my opinion, but I think it works best if one person out of the couple works part time, takes a back foot with career so they can prioritise the child.

And your sister - maybe she wants children, a family or a partner?? - and perhaps doesn’t realise the difficulties of being in a work/childcare/loss of independence situation.

@babyproblems it's depressing. Is it an age thing as I know MNs users are a bit older?

I don't think you are being a brat. Sounds like you are stressed and this comes with the territory when you have a 3 year old, whatever our circs we worry if we are doing the right thing and also get stressed about details. i think you will look back in the future and be grateful for what you have, but even being aware of the positives now will not stop the stressing out.

Sounds like there is something else bugging your sister - is her set up less good than yours? it sounds as though this is a sister relationship problem more than a you are a brat problem. It might be that the relationship is no longer a "i can moan and it will then be forgotten" kind. I agree with you, sounded like just a moan which you would then forget about to me.

In relation to the 3 days you are stressing over, look up on the internet all the children activities in the area you are visiting, the child friendly cafes, the play areas, the inside activities, the parks, plan your 3 days ahead of time - and enjoy!

Being taken away on paid for holidays and having to look after your own child for 3 days are not what I would call "struggles"

Yep, your sister is sleeping with your partner

This with bells on!!! The bar set on mn for men is SO low it’s depressing.

Why do you think that?
Many married working mums (not to mention single mums) do most of the childcare day in day out if husband works longer hours / away.

I think the problem here is a largely disengaged man who throws money at the situation but offers little practical help or emotional support.

As the baby was on the way from the off, there has likely been little time to actually grow a relationship in its own right. And the OP is likely cautious to let him in too much due to this. The relationship still finding its way. And that will likely remain the case until the little girl is quite a bit older.

The OP must feel like she met a man and then immediately her life changed and she lost herself a bit along the way.

If anything this thread says more about fathers & the incredibly low expectations of them. The OP is a brat because so many here have shit ex partners.

Thank god it's not reflective of my reality. I must be an uber brat!!

@CatHairEveryWhereNow but i am
talking about the people on the thread now not the OP. It's not meant to be a gotcha, I just find it interesting that so many are bitter towards the OP but have time to be on MNs?

And statistically most mothers of 3 yrs olds don't work f/t. Working hours increase as dc get older.

as many/most mothers manage mulpile kids not just one 3 year old

They don't now with birth rates as they are.

You sound very very bratty I'm gonna be honest. Yes, most parents are doing it all week. I'm a single mum, my kids spend 4-6 nights a month at their dads. Monday-Friday every week and some weekends they're with me, no family support to help, no friends to help. We survive because we have to, you are extremely privileged and your sister was absolutely correct. You should look at the 3 days as time to bond and enjoy with your daughter.