Feeling defensive, but is she right that I need a reality check here?

So what if you are or aren’t being a brat…you are entitled to have feelings and letting them out to your sister is the appropriate way to vent to allow yourself to let it out and get over it.

Your sister is a bit mean lol. But she is probably just jealous that you’ve got a nice life. Some people have difficulty in understanding that just because they may have bigger problems or less money, that a problem for someone else that seems trivial should not be considered.

You have a 3 year old and you have never looked after her yourself for 3 whole days? You are her mother! Stop outsourcing your parenting and learn to be with your child!

The number of women who get IRATE at sah mums the moment they dare express a bit of discontent, as though being at home with a baby all of the time is a bloody picnic

I don't think it's just about sah mums, there is so much anger directed at woman who have choices, who don't accept their lot, push for more etc. Clearly a lot of women are unhappy.

Well, tbh I'd be peeved if I did all the drop-offs, pick-ups, bedtimes, cooking, cleaning and life admin through the week only to get a few hours on Saturday. But then again we discussed all this in great detail before we had a baby and we were both adamant on doing half each of everything, and both of us still having free time to go out, see friends etc as well as having family time.

Could you outsource more tasks, like cleaning and cooking etc to make day-to-day life less hectic?

I had 2 kids a full time job and their father away in the forces and not living with us. I managed. Similar story with falling pregnant with eldest. Much much less money involved

Yes you sound totally spoilt and unrealistic

After god, fear women, honestly

The number of women who get IRATE at sah mums the moment they dare express a bit of discontent, as though being at home with a baby all of the time is a bloody picnic

i had to reread this as i couldn't believe my eyes. you have a day to yourself every week?! I cannot. Most people, me included work full time and have zero time off as when I'm not working, I'm parenting and doing all the other million things working parents need to juggle. I am with your sister! How frustrating. Hopefully this post has given you some perspective. by the way, having a baby is a shock for everyone.

OP, kindly, you sound spoilt and entitled. You don’t want to look after your own child for three days?
Im with your sister here - get a reality check.

When men who live full time with their partner go out 4 times a week they are rightly pulled up on not being part of family life, yet OP is being told he has to be happy having a part time partner and father to her child.

Quite

I agree. I think lots of people here are just focusing on the £ signs.

When men who live full time with their partner go out 4 times a week they are rightly pulled up on not being part of family life, yet OP is being told he has to be happy having a part time partner and father to her child.

I just hope the OP's coming to a part of Norfolk with good wi-fi if she's working from home!

Looking after your own child ALL week, heaven forbid🤦‍♀️

Anything could happen in future, he could move abroad and stop paying at all. He could drop down to just the CMS amount.

It's good OP is building her career and pension and modelling working to her child.

Your sister sounds jealous

Just because you have it good compared to others, and you do, doesn't mean that its perfect and being the main caregiver is exhausting

When it comes to money and women working part time or being sah mums, other women get very jealous and angry - it seems those around you envy your set up so I definitely would not vent to your sister again

I'd be petty and inclined to wind her up a little bit by showcasing your free time on social media 🤭

Good to see a sensible post on here. So many are in a race to the bottom.

What most people seem to have missed is that the OP got pregnant and had a baby very early in the relationship, possibly unplanned.

so motherhood isn’t necessarily something she had longed for, or thought about in great depth. But has essentially been left carrying the load (as indeed a lot of mothers do) when perhaps she wasn’t really at the point yet where she’d made a decision that that was what she was ready for.

it’s the lack of choice innit. She carries, births and does most of the care for a child and then also accommodates her partners wishes to live life the way he wants. The impact is all on her.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
God, I miss the laughing reaction.
Most parents have 1 parent doing most/all of the child care all week and single parents with shitty ex's are caring for the kids 365 days a year.
You have no idea how good you have it

And it is relevant that he pays for all of the nursery fees plus giving her extra money to spend on herself because it shows that she doesn’t need to be working and she is choosing too.

What?

They aren't married and he gives her 1k. Why does this mean she doesn't need to work. And perhaps she likes her job.

It's 2025 ffs!

That package is one that several married mums of my acquaintance, let alone single mothers trying to wring some money out of their exes, would regard as pretty good.

So it's the latter, she should be grateful because so many husbands/fathers are crap?

It's all relative but TBH you sound spoilt. I get zero days off a week, regularly look after my young kids alone for weeks at a time on top of working full time, and my DH doesn't give me 'extra spending money'. A day a week off is a lot TBH. Perfectly fine to want to change things round if you feel like for example you want him to work less and look after DD more, and in exchange you work more. But sorry you IMO are doing very well compared to most parents of young kids.

Well she isn’t doing all the childcare. Her child is in nursery. And yes she has said the child’s father works away a few days a week but we haven’t been told anything about how hands on he is as a parent the other days he is there.

And it is relevant that he pays for all of the nursery fees plus giving her extra money to spend on herself because it shows that she doesn’t need to be working and she is choosing too. so it isn’t just “basic stuff” that would be him contributing but not paying all.

@HornungTheHelpful

I do get resentful that my husband doesn’t seem to know what I do, but it’s what I signed up for. I hoped it would change but I knew the risk that it wouldn’t. It hasn’t.

but you've somehow now accepted that it is you that had to compromise.

@T1002 states

"I wasn’t willing to give up my home and combine assets until we are married so he rents his home out (but he travels so much he’s only really here with us 3 nights a week)."

You settled and accepted, sadly, as many women do, that you'd be the one to compromise?

So you ask her " How is that different to you?"

She's not in your position at all, she still has agency.

Everyone needs a little moan now and then, and I think “other people have it worse so you can’t EVER complain about anything” types of sentiment are a bit silly.

However, people who moan a lot are so miserable and draining to be around. And it does feel worse when they do objectively have things pretty good. It does sound like your life is good, much easier than most people’s. I don’t think you’re right that most parents of small children get more time to themselves than you do - I’d kill for a day a week to myself!!

If you can truly, honestly say you rarely moan then I think your sister has been unkind. However I suspect that you might have a habit of moaning, and perhaps your sister reached her limit with the negativity.

Objectively your circumstances sound pretty positive to me but this doesn’t mean you can’t ever find things hard. I think what came through to me in your post is that you are a bit resentful about the fact that you are the main parent as your child is with you and your DP is away working. There are many who are the main (or only) parent who work full time and have no or limited financial support and no trips away so you are in a relatively good position. But the thing is, whatever the circumstances being a parent is exhausting. If your child was living with your DP and not you, that likely would be painful. If your DP moves in with you both, that will likely come with challenges too. All variations of parenting are hard in one way or another. Most people need a break at some point (and don’t get a day to catch up on house stuff). But it can also be wonderful too. I don’t mean you have to be dancing in meadows about how wonderful it is but just to remind yourself of the nice bits. It sounds like you feel your circumstances are not ideal but I don’t think anyone’s are and relatively speaking there are some positives in yours. Good luck xxx

Did you ask was she ok? Has she money issues, work issues, does she get many holidays? Really sorry op but I never agree that going away is stressful, yes stressful things can happen on holidays or you can have a bad holiday but compared to everyday stuff I wouldn’t say stressful