Feeling defensive, but is she right that I need a reality check here?

Yes, most parents DO look after their children.

Oh my word

Why do you agree to the trips if you don't enjoy them?
I think your sister does have a point and I wonder whether she might be struggling herself financially or another way? Did you ask her how she was?

"Most people get time to themselves in the week" .... Bahahahahahahahahahah

Agreed - I think this sounds exhausting and not at all restful. Also, from the sister's position this could be viewed as complaining about privileges others don't have.

I don't think anyone is strictly 'in the wrong' here, OP. But for the sake of your relationship with your sister, I'd take her feelings on board and drop the subject in future. Kudos to you, though, for acknowledging this and being willing to self-reflect, whilst understandably feeling hurt by her response.

You have a cushy life and your moaning, sounds like you've got a good other half aswell, works hard and gives more than enough. If you can't look after one child for 3 days there's something wrong. We have 3 little ones similar situation tho a little less money and I love going away with them and seeing there faces enjoy new experiences, yes daddy may have to work a couple of days on his laptop but hey he's paid for it and we enjoy it together

Lol - wrong. I earn my own money. I’m just astounded at someone being paid a not insignificant sum of money per month to spend on themselves moaning, along with moaning about having to look after their own child for three whole days.

And where did the OP say she didn’t get CM? She said her DP gave her an extra £1000 per month.

This all sounds so familiar. Have you changed a few details OP?

Are you the one with the abusive cocklodger boyfriend
Who basically lives in your home for free
Pays for £60 of groceries (which he also eats too)
Insists on coming shopping with you to buy them
Then gets nasty with you in the shop for taking "to long" (in his opinion) and drags you out of there?
You say nothing because you don't want to make a scene in front of DD.
He rents his home out
Essentially lives at yours part time
Paying nothing towards utilities or rent
Or any child maintenance
Whilst doing almost no parenting either
Because he's always out with friends whilst he's there.
You get no time alone
You're always with him or DD or both
And you barely leave the home because of this.

That ⬆️ you? 🤷 Is this the latest installment?

@BreatheAndFocus you sound jealous tbh.
the £1000 migut well be below CM (the father earns very well)
The OP works full time so yes she is ‘only’ doing morning and evenings like any other working parent.

If people want a day off by themselves whilst child is at school or nursery there is always annual leave....

Well I can see the OP would say that.
She sounds exhausted from the normal running of the house. Because she is on her own.
Shell be somewhere different and toddlers don’t always mix well with their schedule and environment being mixed up. She might not have the things/systems she uses at home to occupy/calm her dc whilst away.
I mean many parents chose NOT to go away with 3yo because they are notoriously hard work. (And yes some ARE good with being away but not all. Dc1 was. Dc2 wasn’t!)

And I suspect her ‘DP’ will leave it to her to deal with said child.

Tbh the ‘Going away for a week’ is a crap idea imo. Esp that often.
It’s something a single person would propose. Not a parent with a toddler.
And it probably makes him feel good - ‘look at what I’m giving her/them’. Which so many posters are picking up on, wo a second thought about the work involved in going away. Wo a thought about the impact on the 3yo.

Dh was away most the week when dcs were that age.
Id have strangled him if he had wanted me to also go away that regularly, fit my work schedule around that, deal with the dcs, deal with my own schedule being messed up (the washing, the cleaning, the shopping) whikst expecting to be grateful for his actually NOT very kind gesture.
A gesture is nice only if it’s valuable/a help/a nice time forvtye ither lersonal. The OP clearly doesn’t see that way. She sees the extra work involved. Which is fair enough

You’ve already said you only really do mornings and bedtimes, so you’re not ‘doing it all week’. More than that, many mums stay at home and look after their children fulltime with no nursery; many are married to partners who work away or are in the Forces; and there are large numbers of single parents too. Moaning about having to look after your own child for three whole days (!) sounds absolutely pathetic! Do you not enjoy spending time with her?

You have £1000 per month given to you for spending money - lucky, lucky you! I don’t think you have any understanding of how many other people live. You sound immature and, frankly, unworldly.

Spend more time enjoying your daughter and just say No to the trips if you don’t want to go. Your sister was blunt and a bit mean but what she said was true.

I work full time, so does DH. Between work and kids neither one of us ever gets any time to ourselves. Plus we are both solo parenting at times in the week and we both travel for work every now and then. One day a week me time would be incredible. Our set up is exhausting - yet, I am sure, still better than others'.
I am not saying you are unreasonable finding it difficult, it is difficult for working parents. But honestly your set up sounds very good compared to most, try to appreciate the many good things about it.

Well you are either working while on holiday, or at the beach when you should be working and neither is great or good work/home balance.

The troubling thing to me is that you dread looking after your child for three days straight. Yes it is hard. But this is your chance to get to know her on a deeper level, doing stuff together you don’t have time for normally, exploring the outdoors…

It also sounds like you should be working on a closer relationship with her dad, becoming true partner. Maybe he tries too hard with the frequent holidays and you’d rather he spends time with you some other way? Talk to him.

If I can help a 4 year old build sandcastles on Blackpool beach with one hand while holding a video call to talk someone through IT print settings with the other hand then OP will do just grand.

Yes most parents, especially mums, are doing it by themselves every week. You get an entire day off every week, I know 0 other women who get this!

Sorry but they don’t.
single parents do. And they find it exhausting and hard.
Couples are sharing the load. Or should be. And when they don’t, mothers are complaining too.

The idea that ‘most wo,en just cope being the only parent who actually parents’ doesn’t mean it’s right or that it’s not exhausting. And certainly doesn’t mean someone like the OP shouldn't complain about it.

The difference with the OP? She is ‘given’ a ‘free’ holidays Ona regular basis.
Cor me, it reads as ‘I’m jealous’ and ‘you clearly have more money than me so you aren’t allowed to complain’ as if money was going to look after the child, make taking decisions easier, help dealing with tantrums etc….

Ffs, when my dc were small my me time was 2 hours on a Sunday morning listening to The Archers omnibus whilst catch up on the ironing and DH took the kids out.
You have no idea….

So by that account, single mothers whose ex see the dcs EOW are in an amazing place because they have a full weekend just for themselves….

Im not sure many of them would agree with you there. It doesn’t replace having support at home in the week,sharing the responsibilities etc etc….

And the OP is basically in that position. A boyfriend who takes no responsibility for his dc apart from one day. Week. Pays (probably?) more than what CM would be. And turns up every so often when it works for him and his work.

Crikey......... spoilt and entitles little princess !!!!

When you are well off you need to be careful who you complain to - you have money and support but sympathy is something in short supply, get some friends in your wealth bracket, you can vent without getting attacked.

Er, yes, some of us. My children are early thirties now, perhaps different times/expectations, but it was almost unremittingly me, despite being in a committed relationship.

Being upset by the thought of having to spend 3 days caring for your child is a strange take, gotta say...

It a bit reads as if you both ended up with a kid when you didn't really want one, but are sort of begrudgingly trying to make it work.

Honestly, it sounds like your partner is doing his best. He's footing most of the bills, and trying to spend as much time with you/his DD as he can.

That being said, monthly overnight trips with a toddler sounds like a lot of work/hassle. Tell him you'd rather stay at home.

The trips sound stressful but you say your partner is there for 3 days a week and one of the days he takes your child out so you get a day to yourself.
my husband is gone from 8am-midnight (sometimes later) at least 5 days a week, including every other weekend. Sure he takes him to nursery but the rest of it I do, and yes it is hard but like you I get help the days he’s at home. Where we live nursery is closed for summer and for his age group it’s closed for almost 3 months, so I’m mostly alone with him this summer.

You sound like a spoiled brat

Yep, reality check needed. Saying no money worries doesn’t make you less stressed is drastically underestimating how stressful it is to not have enough money. Money buys convenience. Little one doing your head in? Off we go to a farm park/out for lunch/let’s get an ice cream/buy something new to entertain you. Housework getting too much? Sod it, let’s outsource some to a cleaner. Car broken down? No issue, get it fixed. You have food in the cupboards and a secure roof over your head. You possibly need to really reflect on what it would be like to not have those things before you say having enough money doesn’t make you less stressed - you just have nothing to compare it to.

I really believe those sorts of ‘well, you should be grateful that xyz’ type responses are bullshit, but given you have so explicitly shown a lack of insight here I can kind of see where your sister is coming from.

For context, I work full time compressed hours and husband is full time. Two kids. I get a day a week with little but this also involved school run etc. no family help. Financially comfortable but not enough to pay for cleaners etc so I either have a tidy house or spend time with the kids. I choose the latter. I can count on maybe two hands how many days I’ve had truly to myself since becoming a parent and that’s usually taking leave while they’re at school and nursery but that’s harder now eldest is at school because we need to cover holidays.

Your sister wasn’t very kind in how she put it, but I would honestly recommend spending some time looking at things you are grateful for. It’s fine to feel stressed in your situation, of course that’s valid, but I do feel you’re massively undervaluing the positives in your life and you’d be a much happier person if you instead tried to shift your perspective away from ‘I have to look after my kid’ to ‘I GET to spend time with my kid’.