Feeling defensive, but is she right that I need a reality check here?

Oh wow!!! I’ve got an almost 2 and a half year old and almost 8 month old. I’m with them 98% of the time. Every single day, every breakfast lunch and dinner! No full days off for me not even a lie in. No owned property or partner paying for the majority of things for me. You absolutely are being unreasonable

I am!!

Grow up and deal with it.

I don't understand why people are focusing so much on how much more privileged OP is compared to them. Why aren't hey focusing on how much more privileged her partner is compared to her? Just because women tend to take on the brunt of parenting and domestic labour doesn't make that ok. She doing solo bedtimes 4 nights a week and by the sound of it catching up on housework on her 'day off' that people are so jealous of. It sounds like your sister is jealous OP and I wouldn't offload to her any more. I think a lot of posters on this thread are jealous too. I would not want your set up because I'd hate for my partner to be away each and every week. And as for the whole looking after your daughter 3 days a week and people saying that means you can't like your daughter, 3 year olds are hard, I found it hard and it's ok to find it hard. 2 days in a row was the point at which at that age I needed a break and if I didn't get one I started to struggle. That doesn't make me a bad parent it means that people aren't supposed to parent alone for long periods of time. Just because women are expected to and do look after their kids solo for indeterminate lengths of time doesn't make it the expected or perfect set up because it isn't. It's ok for people to find stuff hard even if they have some privilege in their life.

You sound like hard work!#teamSister

OP, I think it's always fair to talk about things you feel a bit stressed about, whether or not anyone else has it harder.

However, your life is pretty good.

It is hard when your partner travels and gets a block of time in a way that many parents don;t - it feels unfair. My kids' father used to be away at sea for three month stretches, and I did sometimes wish I could get a similar block of time with no responsibilities. And he couldn't take on a lot extra when home as he was expected to be in the office.

But that is just what it is like when one person travels for work. One day a week to yourself is not at all unusual for a parent of a three year old, it seems to me your partner is absolutely stepping up with that.

Two concrete suggestions - if you are starting to find travelling together stressful, let him know. These things change as your child is differernt ages, what was great with an infant might not be with a toddler. Find another way to spend time together.

Also - if you would like a little holiday, say you would like to do this, get him to book a mini-vacation for himself to be home with the little one, and go off to a spa or something for a few days. Make it a yearly thing.

And one more - with a three year old, "taking it slow" probably doesn't matter much, unless you actually think things won't work out. Just start to move forward. Lots of successful couples get serious after six months or a year. Waiting longer is not going to reveal anything new.

Do you really want your child at all? You chose to have a child and now that you have her she must be your priority. So you don’t get much time for yourself? Parents don’t. End of. My daughter has a difficult child with ADHD and twins, one of whom has cerebral palsy. She has to fit in numerous appointments for physio, and treatment AND she works. Unsurprisingly she is tired, but she never moans. Think yourself lucky and don’t have any more children.

I don’t think you realise how good your situation is compared to so many other mums, possibly even the majority of mums. I see why your sister reacted that way.

Good grief! Loads of parents do it all every day! You must have been living under a rock not to know this!

It does sound like your sister's reaction is more to do with her own life struggles than your expressions of stress and unhappiness, and from a surface point of view maybe it seems to her that you have it easy. But you don’t. You don’t find it easy. We’re all different and what other people cope with is just different to what you can cope with. I always feel sympathy for celebrities with mental health issues because somehow being famous or wealthy seems to often mean you should just be completely grateful and nothing else is allowed or you’re being lazy/selfish/a spoilt brat. No, you are not being a brat, you’re being human.
If you can look at what you and your partner have chosen to set up in your lives - the trips away, the childcare responsibilities balance etc etc - and see what you can change to make it feel better/fairer, that might help. You presumably aren’t helpless in this situation, and it sounds like your partner doesn’t know or quite realise how much you don’t enjoy going away so often. It IS a lot more work, unsettling and you sound overwhelmed. Personally I need quiet, pottering about time and space to do nothing. It’s valuable doing nothing in particular at home, especially when you’re a parent, to have some space and freedom. Maybe you both need to talk openly and be clearer with each other about how you’re really feeling? Think long and hard about what you both want, and start with a change that will help you feel less overwhelmed?

I went to Holland with 3 year old for a week with husb for his work. We drove him to work and then had adventures. Playparks. Cafes. Museums with her in the buggy. Shopping, ditto. Bit of Dutch TV cartoons. Was absolutely brilliant. It's one of her earliest memories (she's in her 30s now).

Two years later, gave birth to second child, with disabilities. Life never the same again. And I didn't have any time to myself until she was 2 and able to go to special nursery at the hospital.

I'm thrown by this post.

You’ve never looked after your child for 3 days in a row before? Really? Look up some local places you can take her, ie farms, soft play, etc. My husband regularly works away, when we had 1 child I’d sometimes go down and stay with him for a few days if I was off, I’d just look for local places to go for a day out and off we’d go.

If looking after your own child for 3 days is too much for you, make sure you don't have another one as you would not manage.

It’s not sex specific. If her husband was earning less then he could drop a day. Two parents working full time hours when not financially necessary just baffles me. Not best for the child or for whoever ends up carrying the mental load.

Doing part time and letting your partner carry more of the financial load during the early years isn’t some 1950s bear trap. It’s partnership. And temporary.

Who is advocating for the child, whose parents have so little energy to give that 3 days with them sounds exhausting?

Most people dont get any days off from their kids, nor the get a chance of short breaks away from home. Raising kids is tiring full stop, whether there are one or two of you. Sounds as if you at least are spared financial problems which add to parents' stress. I!m afraid a lot of mums would be happy to have your problems. I think that, yes, you do need to a bit of a reality check and realize that it could be a lot worse.

And cheer up your daughter wont always be three.

😅😅😅 you have a good setup...

I only really do mornings and bedtimes and some days if I take holiday and take her out. Three days feels like a lot in one go.

FFS, this is your own child you are talking about! How can you struggle to look after your own child for three days in a row?

I get it OP. You're keeping the show on the road pretty much solo all week - good that your DP contributes financially but that's not the same as practical help and someone to share the mental burden.
I did that too with 2 kids 2 yrs apart and NO time allocated to "Me" time until they were both in school. Your sister isn't being fair.
However you CAN cope with 3 full days and just one child in summer near the beach, no problem

Totally agree.

I get it OP. You're keeping the show on the road pretty much solo all week - good that your DP contributes financially but that's not the same as practical help and someone to share the mental burden.
I did that too with 2 kids 2 yrs apart and NO time allocated to "Me" time until they were both in school. Your sister isn't being fair.
However you CAN cope with 3 full days and just one child in summer near the beach, no problem

What would be you ideal scenario?

JFC…🤦‍♀️

I'm a single Mum, I work. My daughter had a traumatic birth, was 3 months prem and very ill. My partner was abusive and we split. I'm still paying off the debt from that time and haven't had a holiday for 7 years. I very rarely mention it to anyone.

I find it very hard to have sympathy with 2 high earning people who have a holiday every month and can't look after their own child for 3 days to be honest!

You should watch a few episodes of rich house poor house, single mums 3 or 4 kids, working and trying to survive on very little money. I think you are very privileged and need to take a good look at yourself. I am all for taking things slowly, but 3 years? If you wont move in together how can he help much with childcare.

It would affect her pension, career prospects and potentially earning potential - it's not the 80s and women want a decent life which doesn't involve relying on the goodwill of someone handing them a grand a month. Don't make yourself financially dependent on another person's career.

Edit: not having a go at you specifically here but I'm a but flabbergasted how many (women) here seem to think 1k is a fortune and how having your partner chip in a bare minimum is somehow OK.

Have you not considered working part time?
I get the impression your partner would happily continue paying for full time childcare and the rest, and you could take the time you need for yourself and have more to give your daughter.

I don’t know why both parents would work full time hours if they didn’t need to. Let him carry the financial load and you carry the mental load for a while. Then maybe go back FT when she’s at school?