Feeling defensive, but is she right that I need a reality check here?

I was a sahm for 2.5 years. Had baby/toddler with me 24/7. So yes, some people do do it all the time. Bloody hell, don't have another child whatever you do 😂

You are objecting to / complaining about looking after your own child for 3 days - really ?
three days !!!

What about these parents whose husband / partner / boyfriend is employed in the military etc. and he is sent overseas for months at a time.

What about those parents that suddenly become single due to the husband / partner leaving ?!!!

and what about the women who become single parents overnight due to the death of their husband / partner / boyfriend...

three days !!!

be thankful and grateful you have a healthy child to look after by yourself for 3 days.

Ernmm.... Yes quite a lot of people are doing it all week.
Look, I think you might benefit from taking to someone about this unexpected role change? Sound like having a baby when you did wasn't exactly the plan?
Lots of people these days don't grow up around babies and children and have no clue about the relentless reality of child rearing. Plus the mythologising of motherhood doesn't help. Popular culture and insta reals makes it look cute and lovely and special #makingmemories bullshit.
The truth is much less glamorous, emotionally and physically draining interspersed with amazing bits and intense love and frustration .All of which is normal, but if you didn't really do some digging prior to having a child possibly a bit of a shock. Read some books, find a counsellor or join some women's groups.... Find ways to get your head round and coping strategies that work for you.

I think your sister is a brat and selfish and not much of a sister invalidating what annoys you or how you feel. She’s clearly jealous.
What annoys you …annoys you.

because you have a good life one which she would obviously like doesn’t mean it’s without its doubts/problems/molehills
what she could have said would have been- what is stressing you about it. (find cause) then either talked about it with you or helped you.
for instance, your stuck for ideas on how to occupy DD, look for parks, activities, bring colours & pages

she was a Dick!!!

Btw for comparison. I wfh part time. I get up and get the kids ready for school and do drop off, wfh and then the minute I finish I do pick up at 3pm and then am on my own with them until dh gets home around 6.45pm. Then we're both around for dinner and then I usually do bedtimes (the kids prefer me putting them to bed). At weekends I'm looking after them solo for a morning and the rest of the time with dh and get a morning to myself.

I can see why your sister feels that way as in all honesty OP you are luckier than most I.e. he pays for majority of trips which you go on every couple of months, pays all nursery fees and gives you about a grand a month too ontop of you wage and you both own 2 houses between you at least. I think if someone complained to me their partner didn't take the whole week off when they got all that I'd be seething in the moment. However you aren't wrong to want some quality time, I'd maybe take fewer trips but ask then when you do go on the trips he takes the entire time off to spend quality time together. I think for majority Yabu as he is shouldering majority of the financial burden so makes sense you'd be shouldering majority of the childcare burden. If you'd prefer things to be more equal (i.e. 50/50 both financial and childcare) then you need to speak to your partner about changing that.

Can you explain more about your relationship with DP and the plan longer term? The way you describe it sounds like a co-parenting family (with a largely absent father) rather than a tight family unit. Plenty of families have a parent who works away a lot (and this has its challenges) but it sounds like your arrangement is a bit looser than that. Is that right?

I agree with PPs that going away so much sounds very stressful. I wouldn't enjoy that.

On the immediate issue, I think it depends on your sister's situation. If her life is more financially precarious then I think you've been insensitive. You can apologise and find another friend to moan to (we're all allowed to have a moan!). It sounds like you'd get more sympathy from people who understand your particular dynamic - financially secure but time and support poor.

Do you normally have a direct relationship with your sister? If so then I don’t think she’s unreasonable, that’s one of the aspects of family A that you can speak openly with them and be spoken back openly with their opinion in return.

say no to trip if you don’t want to go. One day a week is more than many people have, and if you don’t have money worries then you’re incredibly fortunate. Neither of these things will change how you feel about being stressed, but having some perspective of how fortunate you are would help…I’m not surprised your sister said that to you

Most people 'taking it slow' don't have a child with their partner. What did you envisage your life being like?

I find it difficult to understand when people can't manage to look after their own children for a few days. I don't think yabu about the trips because it sounds like all the mental load falls to you and he just has a nice trip and time with dd with none of the background stress. Holidays with small kids is just the same shit in a different location.

I feel like you maybe don't realise that you have it pretty good. By your own admission you mainly do morning routine and bedtime routine and the rest of the time your partner is around or you have childcare. Also one full day a week to yourself is a lot! My dh and I give each other a morning each at the weekend. A whole day is a one off type thing. Also, on the days you're working while away, isn't your partner solo caring for your child? So he does it for you and you do it for him, is that right? If yes, that seems fair.

The only thing you've written that I can empathise with is the packing for going away. It's a pain and it doesn't stop there as you have to unpack and so all the laundry on your return too. Only a couple of solutions to that though - your partner either does it too (take turns?) or you go away less frequently?

Why do you have to do trips? Can't you just stay home & take annual leave & just chill out? I was a SAHM so days looking after my DC wouldn't bother me. But I would prefer to be home more if it was me.

Can you just clarify your week? You wfh and she goes to nursery- is that 5 days? Then you have 1 day completely to yourself and 1 day with her? If so totally unreasonable. If however, you're attempting to wfh while looking after her, I get that you might be frazzled.

I think you are right to come on here and sanity check things, as a lot of people would just dismiss these kinds of comments, I think its good you want to actually inspect what your sister says. If this is as uncharacteristic for her as you say, then I imagine she's got a point.
Unless I've missed it, while yes you did have a baby very early on in the relationship, ultimately you did choose to keep the baby.
You have security that other unmarried women do not have, owning your own property, and a decent job with decent pay.
On top of this, you are getting £1k extra a month.
On top of this, your partner is trying to work on the fact he has a demanding job and deliberately carves out time for you to spend together as a family, and he pays for this largely himself (despite you being on decent pay and getting 1k extra a month and no childcare costs, im sort of wondering how you could possibly spend all of it given I presume you share bills on your home to some extent, if not the mortgage?)
Again, maybe im missing context here but you chose to have a baby with someone who has this demanding job - unless he took it without discussing it with your? Is there a long term plan for him to be more present and do more parenting?
You do have it very good, and sometimes when we have it good any discomfort in that feels like a bigger deal than it actually is.
Do you think this has hit so hard because you did feel uncomfortable having a baby with someone you just met, in terms of you knew at the time it was quite an irresponsible decision and you havnt quite settled that with yourself? I only ask this because you bring it up in your post in a way that makes me think it weighs quite heavy on you - you are clearly someone who makes sensible decisions (keeping your own property) so maybe when things are tough with your child you feel some conflicted feelings about the fact that this is a situation of your own making and you knew it probably wasn't the best choice at the time but did it anyway - its hard when we have high standards of ourselves!

Yes they are.

Maybe you are but reading your post you sound very unreasonable. Some mothers struggle with real problems and would love to have what you have, so yes, I do think you need a reality check!

You poor thing!

<get a grip>

Duplicate post

Why did you have a child if you don’t really want to spend time with her? Are you under the impression most parents aren’t either working or caring for their kids all of the time.

She’s right. Put your moans in a diary.

Three days looking after your own child "feels like a lot"! 😂😂 You get a whole day to yourself once a week!! What do you think most parents do?? I assume you're very young or very spoilt? Your sister is correct.

I mean, your set up sounds a lot less stressful than mine I must say 🤣 but your sister sounds OTT to turn on you like that. Do you complain to her about it often?