Feeling defensive, but is she right that I need a reality check here?

Have to say your partner sounds amazing.

There would be nothing wrong with saying to your partner that you would prefer fewer trips, but ones where both of you are taking leave for the duration of the trip. He should not be making unilateral decisions about holidays, even if he is paying.

Be careful about who you "have a moan" to. I might have had a moan to a friend after a difficult week with my 3 year old, but I would probably have avoided that being a friend with multiple children, or a less involved husband, or someone working longer hours or with less childcare. A friend whose circumstances are similar may well be sympathetic - we all have times when parenthood gets on top of us - but anyone who perceives you as having an easier ride may just see you as being unreasonable.

Rather than getting side-tracked with the specifics, I think a pp nailed it when they said it doesn't sound like you take much control or responsibility over your own life, OP.

The way you describe events as if they just happened to you, rather than being the consequences of your own choices, does sound a little bit bratty, and probably does annoy your sister.

It reminds me a bit of the way my sister used to talk (and sometimes still does)—she also got pregnant young and very quickly into a relationship, and used to talk about it as if it was some awful trauma that had been imposed on her by a cruel fate. I have no doubt it was difficult and traumatic, but it didn't just happen.

But you're not though, are you. You just said looking after your DD was broken up by nursery and DP being there.

I agree you sound very young and/or spoilt and/or naive. What did you think parenting would be like?

I raised 3 DCs on my own and never had a day off, with no CM or other salary coming in. There are numerous women in the same boat doing 100% of the work in and outside the home, and paying for it all who can barely afford one break away each year. You really need to count your blessings.

This! When do you think other parents get 'me' time when they're working all week and have children to look after on weekends??

OP, your sister doesn't want to listen to you, so take that on board.

Of course it is a huge change and you are the one whose life has changed dramatically....as is ALWAYS the case in situations like yours.

Well done for being careful about your housing and not rushing into giving up your security.

Reduce these trips to when HE can be around full-time.

Maybe think about therapy to work out where your head is at.

Having children is hard.
I cannot imagine how hard when unplanned.

You are doing great.
Mind yourself.

I can see your sisters point, but I don’t think the problem is that you can’t moan to her any more.

I think your set up in general sounds fair and like you have things pretty good.

The problem is that you’re going on very frequent holidays that you don’t enjoy and where you end up being alone for 3 days in a row with your 3 year old in an unfamiliar place with no friends and none of your usual activities etc. I think most parents would find that annoying and a bit of a strain. So the question is, why do many trips? Why are you going for a whole week when you have to take turns working while you’re there? What is the point of the trips?

Why not go away for long weekends instead and both take the Friday off, then it’s proper time for you all together?

And most importantly, why does your partner decide what’s happening with trips and you get no say, while you’re the one doing all the prep work?

I agree with your sister. Your are being financially subsidised and seem to have a pleasant easy life which you couldn't afford on your own and you're still feeling hard done by. YABU.

Why is she a brat? Is your partner only home 3 nights a week? It sounds awful.

I married my partner before having children with him but until very recently he worked 12hr shifts with the expectation of overtime. Even now he is often expected to do overtime at the weekends. I work all week and then often have my children all weekend by myself. That’s life sometimes, that’s being a parent.

Life is not a race to the bottom but to put your situation in perspective, you have it a hell of a lot better than pretty much every parent I know.

You're just rude. Looking after a child solo away from home is always more difficult.

This is parenting when you're not at work you're looking after your children, most parents don't get a full day off a week to themselves and most also need to actually go into work/commute. You also have no financial concerns, childcare paid for, a decent salary plus an additional £1k a month. You are working remotely while you are away during which time you're partner will have her so why is it different that he does the same? You've had 4 trips already this year how lovely! I can see why you're sister has had enough of you moaning.

Oh get me my tiny violin! You'll do realise that most women out there dont get 4 holidays in 6 months, and don't get a grand pocket money every month, AND STILL HAVE TO HOLD DOWN A JOB AND COPE WITH A THREE YEAR OLD?

Heres me with 3 holidays in 5 years feeling I did well for myself to get those!

If you don’t like these trips then don’t go….that’s really an issue of your own making.
Whsts your sisters life like? Does she ever get a break? Is she worried about money etc? It sounds like she isn’t the person to moan to.
A whole day each week where your DP takes your DC out is pretty good to be honest and yeah a lot of us are in doing it all during the week without the financial security, trips or day a week without our DC.
Im not saying it’s not hard but you’ve got it better than most and the things you don’t like you could change

I can relate to the packing stress. My husband things it's almost a pathological fear of mine. It's when we argue the most. Can you do anything to minimise the packing stress? Could you pack for several trips in one go for instance.. with a toilet bag and all essentials ready for each trip. You'd have to organise duplicates of toiletries and clothes, but if they were then already waiting for you might that help? I.e. buy toiletries/shorts/t-shirts/toys/pyjamas especially for the next holiday. Pack them any day you feel like it and grab and go when the next holiday trip comes up. Another area I find difficult is that my now 10 year old is neurodiverse and I didn't know it when she was 3, so I wonder if she's quite challenging to look after but you don't maybe understand that yet, have nothing to compare it to. I look back at myself with kindness and understanding that when she was 3 I was totally naive to how different and more of a challenge she was to "average". I'm guessing that's why she's hard to manage on holidays... because mine is. The disruption to routine and inability for her to operate to the usual rules and rituals totally stresses her out. Just my thoughts.. I might be totally off on a tangent. Good luck.

I don’t think most working mothers (or to be fair sah mothers) of very young children do get much time to themselves to be honest. I would find a whole day a week to myself an absolute luxury. And most of us have to worry about money and don’t go on multiple holidays per year. You had a child and yes those first months are difficult. For perspective I also had a baby with someone I’d known only 5 months when I fell pregnant, he had no money to speak of an no stable job and when my child was born we had to take on his elder daughter with special needs full time because her mother couldn’t cope. Oh and to top it off I lost my home and we all had to move in with my parents for six months a few weeks before I gave birth. I had to work at five months full time to pay for everything. It actually turned out fine a few years later and we are married albeit still will money worries. So yes other people have it more stressful, which I appreciate isn’t your problem, but also we make our own beds and other people (e.g. your sister) get bored of us moaning sleeping in them! Things could be a lot worse.

My DH also travels a lot for work and in general just works really long hours. Our DC is in kindergarten part time, so a huge chunk of the childcare is done by me. I am a bit surprised you are so stressed over looking after your child for 3 days. Do you enjoy your time together?

If the frequent trips don't work for you, don't do them.
It sounds like you are not happy with your current set up, time to have an honest conversation with your DP.

I'm not sure I fully understnd your set up:

You work from home and your DD is in nursery. Your DP travels a lot so he is away 3 days a week. You therefore do the bulk of the day to day parenting , but he does take her out on the weekend. On that day do you get to do your own thing or are you doing the cleaning/batch cooking/chores etc?

But really, it sounds to me like this little trips aren't much fun. Neither of you completely take the time off and instead you're doing some kind of work swap to look after DD while on holiday. Plus there's the effort you have to make to pack and get ready - franly, I think most of us agree that holidays with 3 year olds are not exactly relaxing.

Wouldn't it make more sense to do fewer trips, perhaps you take the odd weekend away completely, you do more fun family things closer to home and then plan bigger trips just once or twice a year where you properly take the time off?

It sounds to me like while financially he's stepping up you are feeling like the rest is on you. That may or may not be fair, but I' dbe addressing those feelings myself.

I know that it's not a race to the bottom but here's a bit of a reality check for you OP. I am a single mum (DP died) to a disabled daughter who will never be able to live independently so I am her full time carer.

I can't work, even part time, as she is frequently ill and I have to regularly cancel volunteering that I started doing with a view to trying to get at least part time work.

Despite all that I am not looking for sympathy and love DD and our lives together.

I think it seems harder when they are small but look at all the positives. You have a DP who loves you, a healthy DD and seem to have a nice life. Everyone feels sorry for themselves sometimes no matter their situation but I can see where your sister is coming from.

It's only human to feel as you do but at least you recognise that you are possibly being unreasonable.

Also - 3 is a tough age (in there with you!) so it will get easier

Your sister’s got a point though there’s no need for her to be an arse about it. Unless you whinge a lot anyway! It does sound as if you’re in a lovely position and lots of people would be envious. Maybe your sister is going through a more difficult time but anyway, I hope you make up with her very soon.

A full day off every week is a luxury most don’t have. I get that 3 days alone on childcare can feel daunting, I’ve felt it as I have a physically challenging little one and my own health issues, but - when we do a full 3 days it is amazing to have that bonding time and I love it. I now look forward to DP’s time away! Have some activities lined up so the days don’t feel too tough finding things to do. I have to say - your set up will seem privileged to the vast majority, but I understand that we all have our stresses. Maybe your sister has a tougher time of it and finds it hard to hear a moan about your set up when she perceives all the privileges.

My sister has never taken to looking after her kids and has employed a full time nanny who still works for her even though her kids are 21, 19 and 15. Yes really. The nanny has always also gone on every weekend away and holiday. My sister has also left the kids with the nanny for multiple work trips and solo holidays. Her husband doesn’t work for more context! Some people just aren’t cut out to be mothers. Stop agreeing to the trips or hire some full time preferably live in childcare if you want more time for yourself. Sounds like you can afford it. I love looking after my kid, even though he is disabled and I also work full time. My DH is also a high earner and is away a lot. Don’t worry about what others think and get yourself more help if you need it.