Feeling defensive, but is she right that I need a reality check here?

I get it OP, did a holiday where my partner worked some of the days and it wasn't great, we wouldn't do it again. Ultimately you want to spend more time with your partner and that's totally understandable. Maybe dial back on the trips and try and make some time to be at home and spend time together? Also 3 is a tricky age, it does get a lot easier!

this is so weird. Most people would cherish the opportunity to spend some real quality time with their child esp when they do not have the opportunity for that frequently.

It is also absolutely not normal to only do mornings and bedtimes with their 3 year old when the live with you. Do you not like spending time with your child?

And yes, you sound like a spoilt pampered brat! Sorry

Nah, I think she's right. You just don't like hearing it. Stop all the trips if you don't want to go.

What, caring for their kids? I would argue most parents only get time off from their kids when they're at work! It just seems odd to say you do all the childcare but you think three days of it is too much to handle.

And most people don't get lots of days to do their own thing. Even if you don't have kids, there's something that needs to be done for someone else at least once a day!

I'm with your sister here. You have landed on your feet

If you don't want
to go on the trips then don't go, but you should be counting your blessings

I'm with your sister here. You have landed on your feet

If you don't want
to go on the trips then don't go, it you should be counting your blessings

I’m going to go against the grain here and say no, I don’t think you were being unreasonable. Just because your life might be easier in some ways than other people’s, that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel overwhelmed. Everyone’s limits and circumstances are different, and support in one area doesn’t cancel out stress in another. Not having financial worries doesn’t mean you can’t vent about what is hard.

Raising a toddler is exhausting, even in the best of circumstances. You were sharing how you felt, not attacking anyone else’s situation.

That said, I don’t think your sister was completely out of line either. It can be hard to hear someone complain when you’re feeling maxed out yourself. Sometimes it’s about reading the room, and unfortunately, not everyone is in the right headspace to hear it in that moment.

Still, I get why you’re hurt. It’s tough when someone you trust shuts you down instead of offering a bit of empathy. You’re allowed to feel frustrated and you deserve to have space to talk about it.

Out of curiosity what is your sisters situation like in conparison to yours?

I'd have told you to STFU too.

It reeks of "my diamond shoes are too tight" and people tend to have limited sympathy for things like this.

Tell your DP you don't want as many trips.

The 3 day thing is weird? You've never had your DC for 3 days in a row before? And your DP is away most of the time?

Can I ask why did you have a child? What did you think would happen? We can't dip in & out when it suits, it sounds to me like your DC is an inconvenience tbh.

I'm married with 2 DS (9 & 6) and a SD (14 who lives full with us), I do the majority of the "parent stuff" with all 3 of them..... yes it's draining and stressful at times but that's my "job" as their mum. DH also does his fair share of it all too. We're off on holiday for 2 weeks next week with all 3 and there will be no days off for me. I will be mumming as I do at home but I will be in the sun with no stress of cooking & cleaning or working as with my DH but we don't just get to switch off from our responsibilities as parents!

So yes, I think you are being a brat and totally unreasonable.... as your post states he gives you £1k a month plus pays for childcare, if it wasn't for DP funding much of your lifestyle you wouldn't be in the position your in at all plus it sounds like it's you who doesn't want to fully commit to DP so he is left funding you, DC & having to shell out rent on another property.

I think you're spoilt & totally disjointed from reality.

On you to pack!??! What a nightmare. There’s only three of you. Why is that such a big deal?

I can only use my experience. It doesn't invalidate my opinion. Op hasn't said her dd is difficult and seeing as she only basically sees her in mornings and after nursery and her partner takes her all day Saturday by her own admittance. How hard can it be?

Could you drop a day at work and have a day to yourself in the week whilst DC is at nursery? I agree it must be a lot doing all weekday parenting by yourself (plenty of single parents do it of course but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still difficult for you).

People with easy children say this.

It’s fair to assume that since you own your home, manage your bills, and had established your career before your relationship, you likely have a solid job ,one that just happens to be based at home. I think some people are overlooking the fact that your role still comes with its own demands. You’re working full-time while also handling the majority of the parenting responsibilities, which is a significant challenge. It’s a major adjustment, especially if you’re used to dedicating a large portion of yourself to your work and now have less time to do so , not to mention less time to decompress. That alone can be incredibly stressful.

Not everything needs to be a comparison. You’re allowed to feel stressed about your own life, just as your sister is entitled to her own stresses ,they’re not mutually exclusive. Even if she sees her situation as more difficult, that doesn’t justify the reaction you received from her.

It might help to separate the two issues: one being what’s going on with your sister that could be triggering such a strong response, and the other being what’s causing your own stress and what support or changes could help ease

Ok, going to go slightly against the grain here. I hear a lot these days about only been together '3 years' etc and not wanting to get tied in too soon. But you already are! You have a child together. I wonder if your stress is actually coming from the fact that you and your child are short on security? Is what you actually feel you need, if you dig down a bit into your feelings, the certainty of marriage, a shared property and an even split on the workload? Not £1k a month and trips away? Which lets face it, he could stop at any time. Something to think about. Maybe the trips are just highlighting a deeper feeling

I think you have a pretty good set up, but that doesn't mean you can;t feel stressed about things, everyone finds different things stressful. Just to reassure you there's plenty to do in Norfolk (assuming you drive ?)My kids grew up there, it's quite civilized !! Which part are you going to ?, maybe some MNers who are still local can recommend some good places to visit with a little one. .

I found the period between 18 months and 3 years the most difficult to cope with all my kids. They are very demanding and not really able to amuse themselves for long, so it feels pretty relentless. The constant mess is also really stressful. Your set-up is a bit unusual, but it sounds like it is your choice not to move in together until you have a joint property, and your boyfriend is contributing a lot financially, so it does seem pretty fair.

However, the trips away are becoming stressful and perhaps he has fallen into a pattern with this that you need to talk to him about. Time together away from home sounds like holiday for him, but additional stress for you, and perhaps he isn't taking that on board. Time for a proper discussion, preferably when you're at home together and not feeling too stressed. Just tell him that although you're very grateful to him for organising all these trips, you'd prefer to spend a bit more time at home as a family, doing things together and it doesn't always need to be a trip away.

For what it's worth, less than three years from meeting my husband, we were married with two kids, and we're still together 30-something years later. There's no set amount of time needed to make the decision whether someone is 'the one' for you. Stop beating yourself up about jumping in to making a family - it's completely OK!

You are being a spoilt brat. I had 3 under 3 and my dh occasionally worked away for a week at a time. I loved it apart from taking them shopping but it wasn't often. I don't get the angst these days about looking after your own kids. We didn't much bother with equal time off we enjoyed being together.
My dh had what used to be called a nervous breakdown now that was hard to deal with.

Don't people know how to say 'no' anymore?

YABU.

You sound very lucky to be financially stable yourself and owning a home yet also having a partner who’s paying for a luxury lifestyle for you.

A lot of women would love to have a partner who values spending quality time together as a family and to top it off he wants to do this is beautiful places and pays for it!

I think some posters are being quite harsh, not everyone is motherly and finds parenting a breeze.

You are allowed to feel stressed, you are allowed to find it difficult but I think your sister was right to give you a reality check. You are living (by the sounds of it) a lovely life but if there are aspects that are stressing you out or you are not happy with speak up.

I hate going on trips and 4x a year so far would be a huge no for me, even if they were paid for, compromise so you are both happy.

Exactly! I don’t anyone that gets one day to themselves EVERY week. That is just life with children

You will get more time to yourself soon enough. I am guessing school is next year? Having no money worries is what most people would love!

Don’t have any more children, as your life is as easy as it’s ever going to be!

Do you actually hear yourself? You get an extra £1,000 every month, your child’s nursery fees are paid, most of your trips are covered, and you still have a whole day every week completely to yourself. Yet you’re complaining about looking after your own child for three days on a trip someone else is mostly paying for. That’s not tough — that’s an incredibly easy situation compared to what most parents face.
Your sister was right to call you a brat. If spending three days caring for your own child feels overwhelming, you might want to seriously question what you expected parenthood to be.
I don’t mean to be harsh, but you honestly have so much that most people could only dream of. Maybe take a moment to recognise that.