Friend getting married abroad- other friend having tantrum

I think telling him the home truths will not have the desired effect.
What it will do it pander to his need for attention and drama, then he will use that to cause problems in the group. Go on a drinking binge and blame everyone else for it. And generally cause massive drama.
I think the best thing here is to take the high ground. Remain metter of fact about the situation of the wedding and his anxiety. Don't engage in drama and emotional blackmail.
At the end of the day his own life choices are his own.
I would withdraw from too much engagement in conversation with him.
Potentially he needs to find himself outside this friendship group that he has clearly leant on over the years as a crux, and find his oen path. Becuase having people who always enable, forgive and forget how he has acted has meant he does not have to take responsibility for himself.

There's nothing to sort out. He's left the group because it doesn't suit him any more. No need to stir.

If he liked being in the group he wouldn't have to fly to Italy; Europe has good trains and a good road network.

But it sounds as if you would all be better off if he didn't come.

Now that he has left the WhatsApp group....quickly set up a new one where he cannot join.

Why do you think it is ok to look at total arsehole behaviour and say "oh it must be a mental health / neurodivergence issue"? Do you not realise how insulting that is to all the people out there with mental health issues / neurodivergence who manage not to be total arseholes? Mental health / neurodivergence DOES NOT equate to being an arsehole. Stop stigmatising us.

Why are you still friends with this person?

I don’t know how you can be bothered with him. he’s is the way he is because everyone always pussyfoots around him.
people will treat you how you allow them

The thing I appreciate the most about my two closest friends and my main friendship group, is that they will get me all the way together if needed. They help keep me grounded.

You are not friends until you can tell someone being an ass, to pull themselves together. Pandering is what gives him the power to show out at every event.

YANBU. So rather than him seeking help for his anxiety and paranoia, he wants a whole wedding relocated for him. If he brings it up again, I'd say the priority is for the bride to have her grandparents there and the day of her dreams, if he's that bothered he needs to get cracking with professional help so he can be there .

It's a non issue. Of course the bride needs to put her family first. He can go by coach and ferry if he doesn't want to fly.

I certainly wouldn't be inviting him back to any group chat let alone the wedding.

He sounds incredibly controlling, hissy fitting when he doesn't get his own way.
There's another wedding party at home for those that can't do the abroad one that he could attend, this isn't his day, this isn't his wedding.

Step back, stop pandering to him, he's beginning to expect you all do do so, stop inviting him to places, no one wants to feel they have to make their life choices suit one, very opinionated, person.

Kind response = ‘well if she did the wedding here her grandparents won’t see her get married so family has to come first’

hard truths response = ‘You have got drunk and caused a scene at so many life events so no wonder she’s not desperate for you to be able to attend’

He won't want to go abroad cos you can't take Ganja through customs, and he won't know where to get any from in Italy. Social situations without a crutch drug are a huge source of anxiety for addicts.

Not your circus OP.

I'd leave him to his tantrum after telling him to get his head out of his arse and realise he's not the centre of the bloody universe. Why anyone would bother trying to placate this arsehole is beyond me!

I voted YANBU - but this should not be in a chat of any kind, group or individual.

Talk to him calmly and firmly and say it is unreasonable to expect bride to arrange her wedding around his anxieties rather than her dear grandparents needs, and unreasonable to expect anyone to sympathise with him. Tell him how his behaviour makes you feel. Stay away from insults or haranguing.

He's gay.

I was going to ask if he was before I got to this bit. Many gay men have a serious misogyny problem.

His tantrum is between him and the woman friend who invited him.

Unless you like creating more drama don’t stick your beak in and wind him up.

You’ve distanced yourself and are civil when you meet up, that’s all you need to keep on doing.

Setting yourself up as the superior out of the group to admonish him is ridiculous.

Ignore him, he knows full well he’s being a twat and I wouldn’t give him any headspace. Once he has cottoned on that nobody cares he’ll either apologise and change or he won’t.

I didn't say he was a narc. I said he has those behaviour traits. It may well be that he has them due to mental health o rother issues. But quite frankly, I don't give a flying toss if that's the case.

Because what I am tired of is people (almost always men - funny that) who use their mental health as an excuse to behave in narcissistic and abusive ways. OP has said he wont' seek therapy or help for his issues, he just expects everyone else to accomodate him. and when they don't meet his standards, he throws a tantrum.

Text book narcissistic behaviour.
Say nothing at all.
Mute his number.
Be unavailable.
Do not engage at all.
Tell your friends that you don't want to hear about it.
Be ruthless.

He will only get a lot worse as he ages.
Back completely away now.
Keep him away from your family.

He seriously doesn't wish you well.
Get away now while his parents are alive.
You do not wish to be in contact when they go and shit gets real for him.

I have to admit that this is one reason for our destination wedding. My fiancé's brother is - imo - quite horrible. He is an absolute racist, drunk, quite anti-social. He picked a fight with my fiancé at his own wedding, insulted his (new) sister-in-law for picking *n--- music etc. and he had managed to sabotage our engagement party... I have never seen my fiancé cry like he did back then and I won't have a repeat of that at our wedding.

Not inviting my future BIL however would have caused a huge issue (my fiancé's mother would have - yet again - felt like she had to pick sides, try to get the brothers to reconcile etc...).

He is ruining all your special occasions by making it all about him. He needs to grow up and realise that the world does not revolve around him, and that people are not going to arrange their weddings and special events around what suits him.

It is sad if he has issues, but to put it bluntly, they are not your problem. The more he is pandered to, the worse it will get.

He needs to accept the fact that it is his issues stopping him going, nothing else , and that he needs to seek help for them.

As a group of friends, you should be encouraging him to seek help.

I had to step away from a friend who was an alcoholic, because it just became too much in the end. They always went home early, or disappeared when we were out in town leaving everyone worried. They repeatedly ended up in hospital, and made bad choices with partners. Everybody had to walk away from them for their own sanity.

I would block his number, block him on SM and tell your other friends, that you are done with his drama, that friends don’t sabotage our happiness, they celebrate with us.

I'd be so frustrated with the friends who still want to bother with him.

What has bride said?

He needs to grow up and realise that the world does not revolve around him. If he can't then I'd kill the friendship