Friend getting married abroad- other friend having tantrum

Exactly this, I imagine also that subconsciously you all get something out of the drama, it’s something you get used to it’s familiar and gives you something to talk about.

he isn’t your problem to solve.

Do not pander you might give him the impression that his behavior is acceptable or reasonable. Tell him he’s not the main character in other friends wedding and that she can marry wherever she likes especially when it gives her the opportunity to include her grandparents. Honestly I’m getting wound up at him just thinking about it!

Behaving like that would make him an ex friend pretty quickly.

Oh god you all need to stop pandering to him. Tell him to wind his neck in and that the world does not, in fact, revolve around him.

His behaviour is manipulative attention seeking. Stop rewarding it.

If he's left the WhatsApp group, surely that's a win for everyone?

Don't bother with 'home truths' because that will just become another drama he can star in. Do what will really hurt - just ignore all of this nonsense. Don't engage, don't reply, don't get involved in any manner.

Have a lovely time at the wedding! I hope your friend has a wonderful day.

I'm sorry OP but he sounds like an utter arsehole. I've known and worked with plenty of people with MH issues and they dont use that as an excuse to treat other people like shit as he is doing.

He sounds like a vile, toxic individual and frankly, I wonder why any of you have remained friends with someone so utterly self absorbed and selfish in the first place.

He'd have been long gone from my life....

@ThatKeenJadeLeader

Oh, fuck that shit! I would absolutely be the one to tell him some very long overdue home truths & sod the consequences! What a selfish twat! Why does everyone tip-toe around him?? You've all grown up & he hasn't - maybe time to cut the cord & let him drift away!

This is not your problem or your friend's problem to solve.

The friendship has ruin its course.

Support your friend who is getting married, tell your other friends how you feel but you understand why they might want to stay friend but you will now be giving this bloke a wide birth.

You don't owe him anything. You don't need to try and fix anything. You don't need to explain anything to him.

He's toxic. He won't respond well to anything you say, because he's so consumed by the above. He will only lash out at you. He isn't willing to take steps to deal with the problem and you can't make him.

Do not feel guilty or obliged to do anything further.

I bet 50 p that your male friend is not single by choice.
Don't do anything he can embarrass him3as much a she can with those demands and tamtrums.

So his flying issues should be a priority over her grandparents? lmao. He sounds like a complete nightmare, he's going to lose all of his friends if he doesn't sort himself out

Why do so many people on MN have "friends" they don't like?

Pp need to stop pandering to him. He's trained the group to respond nicely and calm him down and centre him.

I can't work out if it's misogynistic or narcissistic or both. Both probably.

His anxiety does not trump the bride wanting to marry wherever she wants in front of elderly grandparents.

Be tempted to tell him he's not invited and not wanted. Nobody says no anymore. Too easy to medicalise things like behaving like a total wanker.

He’s clearly not a friend to any of you. Just stop engaging with him at all. And enjoy your trip to Italy to celebrate with your real friend.

It sounds like he is really struggling with MH problems. His latest tantrum isn't just selfish it's highly irrational. Of course no one should pander to it. None of you need to waste time with someone so difficult but you can still be there for him when he gets through whatever is going on. He needs to work through his MH problems himself and find his own way. Your friend shouldn't need to be thinking about him when she is getting married. To be honest if the wedding was only down the road I'm not sure he should go, if I was getting married i wouldn't want a highly anxious person going.

Sounds like it’s a good job he can’t attend then due to his fear of flying. He’s more hassle than it’s worth.

Goodness he sound deranged! As tempting as it might be, I don’t think that telling him the”home truths’ about his vile behaviour is going to do one bit of good. He won’t listen and take it on board. Your best bet is for the entire friendship group to form a united front, totally block him and move on. You will be much happier and more settle without him in your lives. I do feel sorry for his parents though - I hope he doesnt treat them in a similarly appalling manner.

The only thing you need to do is reassure friend getting married that you completely support her.

What a drama lama. He's immature and attention seeking. Why should lovely df plan her major life event around him.
Ignore his dramatics. If you don't fan the fire it will eventually go out.

@ThatKeenJadeLeader it sounds as if you and your friends should have let this friendship slide a long time ago.

How do you know whether he is a narcissist or not? No one does. He is displaying some narcissistic behaviour though.
Most people with anxiety and autistic traits don't behave in this vile manner. Whatever his problems are, he is behaving in an appalling way and refusing to seek any help.

Leave him to flounce and stop pandering to him. Enjoy the wedding without the drama

I'd laugh in his face first.

Then point him in the direction of the nearest psychiatrist to deal with his issues.

Then block.

Well it's a bloody good job he won't go to her wedding - the toxic cunt would only try and ruin it!

I certainly wouldn't bother with him anymore

Don't do this, OP! There just might be an outside chance that he would actually do it (bonus drama points - "Look what an effort I made to be here for you. It took me days! You should be so honoured.") and end up ruining the whole thing.