Feels like DH priorities his parents over us

We ended up having no time together without the kids

Hmm, we went on holidays with parents and in laws and it would never have occurred to me to expect time together without the kids. We did stuff all together or just us, but I wouldn't be expecting parents to take them all, especially three under 4s.

That said, your husband seems to be behaving like a petulant arse and doesn't seem to actually like you very much. Is there more going on here?

Abs Madness to do a holiday at that ages. That sounds like intensely hard work. He is being so disrespectful of you. He clearly doesn’t like you that much.

What's he doing? Anything? He sound absolutely horrible. He is mean to and about your parents as they are older and struggle to provide much help with the children but his perfectly capable and willing parents shouldn't be expected to do anything with the children but neither should he? It all ends up as your responsibility.

I would absolutely lose my temper with your twat of a husband. He is completely selfish and a terrible father.

I hate that some people see grandparents as nothing more than free help!
They are family why can't people just enjoy the generations being together and having a nice time?
We have been on holiday with our children and grandchildren. When we do this we always pay for the holiday , activities and meals out , we don't expect to also provide unpaid childcare, and luckily our children don't expect that either, we do enough of that during the rest of the year. We holiday together so we can all spend time together although we do babysit etc if asked.
Your husband is a hypercrite though and it sounds as though he doesn't like your parents

Wow I’m exhausted just reading the ages of your dc! How you have the energy to swim lengths I don’t know…! <unhelpful and missing the point>.

Having said that, you two are the ones who chose to have 3 under 4s, not either of your parents.

EBF a newborn is an exhausting role which you never get a full nights sleep to recover from. So, if the parenting of your other 2 children is not being completed nearly entirely by the other parent if they’re not working , then you are in an unequal relationship and you have chosen an extremely selfish person to procreate with.

What strikes me about this is that he is expecting YOU to do the work to give his parents (and him) a break rather than him pitching in.

While I agree you can't really allow Grandparents to get up at 5am, why is he sending you to get up with the kids rather than doing it himself? He doesn't sound very nice or hands on. I would expect if you are breastfeeding a baby during the night be should be getting up in the morning to give you a chance to catch up on some sleep.

I'm not sure why so many people are against going in holiday with Grandparents in principle. When if works well it's a lovely thing to do.

Grandparent here but I’ve never heard of any grandparent duties I had to stick too . I certainly wouldn’t be up at 5 in the morning either. Of course I would help out though ,so maybe speak to your parents in law yourself if they have said that they would like to help . Other than that, your husband sounds like a real arse.

Childish, follows double standards and bad mouths your parents. Would not be staying with that.

I think you and MIL should go out, and leave him to babysit! He sounds churlish.He wants to have his parents on a "break" because they "deserve it".Sounds like he isnt so bothered about you and your folks .All GDP are not equal on terms of wealth age health etc .Some will struggle even at a similar age .

Umm... What the heck are 'grandparent duties'?

You have much bigger problems than your DH prioritising your parents. Have a read back of his selfishness:

We ended up having no time together without the kids and I did the nights on my own so was tired the whole time.

But when our toddler wakes up at 5am, he tells me to go through and start the day, and let his parents sleep.

I said I was a bit upset by that and he said fine, I can plan a date and he will come.

However he then said I should take the kids on my own and then it means his mum can do lengths.

His dad is literally planning out things for me to have a nice time more than my actual DH.

Do you see the pattern? He doesn’t think you deserve to relax or have a good time and he doesn’t want to spend any time alone with you.

Are you always the default parent?

Also, it is disgusting that he is in a mood because elderly gps can’t help with the children HE chose to have. Children are the parents responsibility first and foremost. GPS aren’t responsible at all for their dgc, many do pitch it but that’s because they want to, they don’t owe you it.

How old are your kids?

its your DH that is the arse.

must admit I would not enjoy going on holiday with an elderly couple who struggle to help with the kids. Why would you put the whole family through that knowing it was never going to be a holiday for either of you. Perhaps next time book a cottage for you and the kids and your parents.

How many kids have you got?!? This is all so strange unless you have a dozen kids. What is going on that 4 adults are required to look after your kids?

I would say normal families function with a mixture of family time - surely the point of havihg dc? - plus one parent solo parenting whilst the other gets a break, an equal amount.

Well, it obviously is a double standard and it sounds like your DH didn't want to be on holiday with your parents at all 🙁

We holidayed with both sets of Grandparents when our children were small, my parents definitely helped more with childcare but I would never have expected either set of Grandparents to get up at 5am with my toddlers - it was more playing with them in the pool, making lunches etc but me & DH still did the bulk of the looking after the children. I just wanted the Grandparents to have fun with the children rather than giving us a break.

Why don't you and your kids and parents go on holiday next year and leave your not very nice DH at home?

Op doesn't say she expects it.

It can be lovely holidaying with GPs. Just need clear boundaries and realistic plans and compromise.

Well he is certainly keeping you on the back foot. Is he always this controlling? Immature? Obnoxious?
I would be going out for the day.. by myself, alone. And contemplate my future plans...

Well he's huffing because you're right.

I think he doesn't like you very much im afraid. Certainly very little respect. Why is it you or his parents doing early mornings and not him?

Next time his dad offers to help you out, say directly to him, yes please, ill definitely take you up on that.

He's not putting his parents first at all, he's putting himself first. He also doesn't seem to like you very much.

I would just arrange things with his mum and cut him out of the arrangements. Next time MIL suggests she could do something just reply with a that would be lovely. Or suggest that maybe granny would like to take them for ice creams this time.

you’re not asking for help or taking help from his mum, you’re giving her holiday time with the children

He's an immature, selfish dick. His behaviour is deeply off-putting (for an adult).