SHADE NEEDED

Do you still have the broken gazebo?

See if the frame can be fixed temporarily using tape or cable ties. I know cable ties work as this is how mine is still operating.
It won't fold down with them on but use what you can from it.
Or use the cover and just tape it over parts of the window.

Sandwiches are perfectly okay meals. Or even beans on toast, or something equally quick. What about buying a rotisserie chicken and have with salad.

Just do what you can to get through this. I doesn't matter what it looks like at this point. Then plan for next year by getting a portable air con perhaps.

I love a shop bought quiche. Whey would they sell them if no one ever bought them?

Someone mentioned the Schotiss blinds on amazon from IKEA.

DS and I are autistic, light and heat sensitive and these are what we use on our large west facing window.

I also have 2 fans. An 18" industrial fan sat on a north facing window, though a south facing window is also fine, facing outwards, window open, blowing the hot air out.

We have a second rechargeable fan that is higher powered that we use facing us.

We freeze 2l bottles of water and put them behind it to cool the air down as it is pulled through, and rotate bottles so as soon as one is melted it goes back in the freezer and another one comes out.

Less advisable, as you cannot reuse them for hot water in winter due to risk of splitting, but we freeze water in hot water bottles, wrap them in a towel and they come with us where ever we go in the house. Sofa, bed, etc. I even shove them down my top when it's just us in the house, and walk round like I've got an ice-baby.

We have those handheld mini dyson looking neck fan things. The one with the lanyard, and adjustable neck. £8 each off tiktok but can probably get them anywhere online.

Crazier things I've tried in desperation in past years include aloe vera gel sanitary towels, like the ones you make for postpartum, frozen, then down each bra cup. Be careful not to give yourself freezer burn. Freezer bags with wet sponges in them, frozen, then wrapped in a thin cloth, still in the freezer bag, and stuffed where ever you need it.

Invest in some loose fitting, long sleeved, long legged linen clothes for precisely this sort of weather to protect your skin, wick sweat away, and give space for evaporative cooling. I know long sleeved isn't what you'd choose in this heat but it does help, especially if you have East and West facing windows.

Cheap solution - drench a towel and drape over your shoulders, repeat as often as you need, it’ll cool you like nothing else. Thank me later

Pricey long term solution - free standing air conditioning unit. If kitchen is small put it outside of kitchen whilst aiming into kitchen. I bought mine off Amazon for 199 last year, they’re around 250 now but you won’t believe how amazing they are. I live in a south facing garden, new build so my house is unbearable and like an oven - inside it was 34 degrees until I turned the air con unit on.

I’m no expert but presumably you could suspend blinds from the ceiling? At this point, I would call in a professional to show you options as to what can be done. DIY isn’t going to cut it.

Oops forgot to mention 2 gazebos outside which act like cheap awning and make a huge difference.

all my west facing windows have the reflective blinds + blackout roller blinds + curtains. It’s madness!

We have similar. I struggle with migraines so can’t do anything in the kitchen on a hot bright day.
i have covered my bifold with blackout blinds that are clipped on the glass with reflective backs. It keeps the heat down and brightness down too.
also invested in a really good fan which slightly helps. Evenings I open my doors and let the cooler air in (post 8pm) but until then it’s practically a sauna (now a dark one) 🤣

Yup. Back of our house where the kids sleep is west facing. Their room is like a furnace and blinding without blackouts.

I’ve got one of those in my kids room. It’s Tommee Tippee and it’s HUGEwith brilliant suckers. It’s been an absolute lifesaver this summer.

If it was bothering me that much, I'd tape one of the best insulators of all on the outside of the glass. Newspapers, to hell with what it looks like.

To anyone comparing the OP's plight to South facing, it's nothing to afternoon and evening sun from the West. It's like the sun has moved in with you.

Budget option is a roll of this cut to size

https://amzn.eu/d/0afcIFo

You can afix it using masking tape which won’t leave marks when removed.

Waitrose veggie quiche looks pretty non upf to me. Eat it guilt free and without braking a sweat op.

https://www.waitrose.com/ecom/products/waitrose-mediterranean-inspired-vegetable-quiche/416651-586382-586383

Plants on the windowsill - they absorb heat and look nice too.

Plants everywhere lower the temp in the heat and raise it when you’re cold.

Can you make a salad-type meal in advance so you don't need to be in the kitchen at that time?

Stick on blackout blinds?

Hate to brake it to you, but even quiche needs to be cooked.
unless of course you mean buy a shop bought upf quiche, but they are revolting I don’t think anyone does that.

This is one of the most pathetic derailments of a thread to make a snobbish, silly point, I have ever seen. Nobody makes their own quiche ffs unless it's for their grandson's christening. Saying you would shun shop-bought quiche is not a flex, especially for someone who can't spell, and especially... on a thread that is nothing to do with quiche!!!

https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/schottis-block-out-pleated-blind-dark-grey-90369507/

Use masking tape to attach tin foil to the window. You'll need to cook with the lights on but it will be less hot.

Can you do the cooking when its cooler, and then just reheat in the microwave when needed?

Thanks for breaking (not braking it to me. I don't like quiche, but given that the OP is struggling massively I'm thinking she might stoop to a one off upf quiche. Thanks though.

Op, pre cooked mackerel, naked ham (no nitrates), cheeses, boil eggs earlier in the day when it's not so hot in your kitchen.. any cold protein. Then salad and bread (obvs non upf, sourdough here because that's the aim of the game)

Silver survival blankets attached to the outside of the window with tape made my similarly furnace-like kitchen several degrees cooler. They weigh nothing so don't need much to hold them up. The trick is to prevent the heat coming in hence blocking from outside. We have blackout blinds but the heat is already in by then.

If you can't attach something outside, is there any reason why you can't at least put up blinds inside?

I use thick electrical tape and stick it to the frame.

Just do quick ready to eat food or food that can be done in the microwave. We don’t put the oven on in hot weather. Go and have a cool shower. It’ll help you think straight because at the moment you’re making a problem where there doesn’t have to be one.

We are S facing and have an awning, it makes a HUGE difference. Shade sail would be a cheaper version.

Ive not RTFT but get a sail shade, absolute game-changer, I can’t recommend it highly enough! You can get the from Amazon for about £50, or if you need something made to measure to fit the outside fitting points you can get more expensive ones bespoke. we are south facing with massive bifolds and had to get one custom made to fit - we have a triangle with two points on the back wall and a third on a tree. It’s been worth every penny.
I also like to think it gives an Ibiza chill-out vibe 🤣
www.coversandall.co.uk/solar-shades/sun-shade-sail/classic-sun-shade-sail-sc

Book yourself in a budget hotel with air conditioning for a night. Get a really good night sleep- then make plans on how to add shade- perhaps a sail outside covering your outdoor space?